ANA Discussion Forum
General Category => AN Issues => Topic started by: Debbi on April 11, 2008, 07:47:34 am
-
Okay, so I want to start a new thread here about happy endings and new doors being opened. I've been touched by so many of your stories and what I think I've taken away is that an AN may very well be life-changing, but it doesn't have to be life changing in a bad way. So, I'd like start a thread where we can share out positive stories - what good things have come out of this for you?
Selfishly, as I approach surgery, this will help me to maintain a positive attitude. And, more altruistically, I hope that others will take away some comfort, too.
Thanks in advance to all who want to share!
Debbi - waiting for my happy ending...
-
debbi,
I'm not sure if you have heard of this gentlemen or the message he shares with soooo many others... Randy Pausch. I have been following his exceptionally tough (and painful) journey.... I have listened to him speak. I have seen him interviewed. I have seen how humbled he is by all the attention that he attracts.... but, to me.... all based on his positive message about living life..... life is what you make of it. We accept what we cannot change and make the best of it as best as we can. I love his analogy of Tigger the Tiger vs. Eeyore. In my life, I choose to be Tigger... knowing that I must deal with what lays before me in my life journey... and accept with what may come my way and make the best of it. His lecture: http://download.srv.cs.cmu.edu/~pausch/
I am a "happy ending" in my AN journey... I still struggle with my other medical whoas.... but each day, I take it step by step, inch by inch.. and do the best I can......
I'm tickled you are finding inspiration in others here on the site... as do I. I send you huggles for wellness, mental strength to help you through... bad jokes and watered down drinks, just in case.... but, I give you a shoulder and good ear and the best support I can.
A terrific mantra shared with me by my co-worker, who has also been very ill....
"Loving heart
Clear Mind
Healthy body
Peaceful soul
Blessing one and all....."
Hang in there debbi!
Phyl
-
My AN was life changing in many ways. The positive I can think of is I am more assertive. I learned to get tough with the doctors. I learned that if you ask for an appointment asap and you don't back down, they'll find you a spot. I learned that if I believe in something I can get others to listen. I've also learned that I have a hard time listening to people complain and complain and not do anything to change their situation. I've become more proactive instead of reactive and encourage others to do the same. I've also learned how to research on the internet which has come in very handy since my son's diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome. I found confidence in my abilities. I have become more empathetic and have learned to listen to people.
This site has helped me alot. It's good to know you are not alone and it's good to help others in their AN journey.
All that said, could I have lived without knowing all this and not had to endure the AN journey? You betcha! lol
-
Where do I start? I think (hope) that I have conveyed over and over again that I have an incredible life...is it exactly what I thought it would be before I had AN surgery? Nope, not at all! However, I think we have to just take whatever we get & go with it! I love the saying, "If life give you lemons, make some lemonade!" Since it seems so many of us enjoy gardening and digging in the dirt, my new favorite is, "A flower has to go through a LOT of DIRT before it can bring others joy!!" Love it, Love it, Love it!! I think that is my new personal motto!!! I may have changed it a bit, but that is how I want to say it!!
When we first went through this whole AN thing, Dave & I said that if I could just help ONE person, then it would be worth it -- hopefully, I have done that!
K
PS - Phyl~I have definitely been inspired by Randy Pausch also. Have you heard anything about him recently...I wonder how he's doing?
-
PS - Phyl~I have definitely been inspired by Randy Pausch also. Have you heard anything about him recently...I wonder how he's doing?
Hi K! :-* ABC News - "20/20" did their special on him the other night... they showed a short interview that Diane Sawyer did with him last week. He looked ok. More visible weight loss... slight twinkle missing from his eye.... but the mental strength in his words....honestly, I don't know how he does it. His will to live, his drive, the immeasureable love of family and friends... his humbleness in his words of how world wide support has reached out to him.... honestly, I am just floored. I know I have a great deal of mental strength... but, if I could have 1 iota of his mental strength.... I'd be a very rich woman. Still trying to keep close tabs on him as our journeys cross in somewhat similar paths.
sorry debbi, just wanted to answer K's questions.....
Phyl
-
Deb -
I've learned to count my blessings and to appreciate life more. Yes, I had an AN, and yes, I'm SSD, but there are a lot of worse things I could be. When you initially hear brain tumor, a lot of really scary things go through your mind and you realize that there are people every day who get news much worse than an AN.
I have learned to be more thankful and to express that thankfulness to others. I think I thank my doctor every time I see him - probably overkill, but I realize how truly lucky I am. And I never want him to think that I don't appreciate all he's done for me.
I have been inspired to connect with others both through this forum and through the WTT list and I want to do anything I possibly can for people who are in the same boat as I am. There have been so many who have eased my "journey" and I want to ease the journey for others.
I try to find humor in all situations and I find that I'm a much more positive person. I find myself smiling now; I'm happier.
I realize that I am braver and stronger than I thought I was and that I can overcome situations that I doubted I could overcome in the past.
I have come to look at my AN as a gift, not a problem. It's like K said under another topic, there is a reason for everything and I truly believe that. I had an AN for lots of reasons and I think I'm only beginning to tap the surface of what will be possible in my life.
Jan
Oh, I almost forgot to say, that Deb I am confident you will find your happy ending. You might have to be patient, but you will find it :)
-
Jan~
I just loved what you wrote -- I am so gald that you think you are more positive and HAPPIER!! You are a strong lady!
<3 <3 <3 <3
K
-
Hi, Debbi:
Great topic! Thanks for posting it. :)
I've learned to be more compassionate toward others, especially those suffering with physical challenges, something I may have overlooked prior to having a physical challenge of my own. I've also learned to appreciate my relative good health and to realize that I'm quite mortal. I deeply appreciate the love of my wife of almost 38 years. She kept a near 24-hour vigil either at my bedside or nearby (she slept on a couch in the nurses lounge) while I was in ICU (4 days). I wasn't all that attentive to her when she was hospitalized for back surgery (in 2005) yet she never remonstrated with me but was just happy to see me when I visited her, which was often, even if my presence wasn't constant. She showed me what love and devotion look like, and not for the first time, either.
I've learned that prayer is helpful on many levels and that a positive attitude, as I had, pre-surgery, is also a great motivation to get better. I simply expected to be O.K. following surgery (I had a fabulous neurosurgeon with thousands of AN surgeries on his resume) and I was very anxious to regain my normal life and put this episode behind me. I did balance exercises, walked plenty and simply 'fought' my way back to health. I'm fine today and I'm pleased to share my 'story' with others who may benefit from it, as I trust you will. :)
Jim
-
Jan~
I just loved what you wrote -- I am so gald that you think you are more positive and HAPPIER!! You are a strong lady!
<3 <3 <3 <3
K
Thanks K. You are also positive and strong.
You are happy, too, but that might have been how you were prior to getting your AN; I'm not sure.
Jan
-
I am definitely in a better place for having had all the complications - I NEVER thought I would say this ! !
I don't 'sweat the small stuff' anymore.
I'm taking MUCH better care of myself. I've let go of 'grudges', guess I've let go of alot of the past that I allowed into my present.
All in all, I am much happier post - AN than pre - AN.
Do I wish this never happened ? Only if I could have gotten to where I am now, which I don't think would have happened without the AN complications.
-
I am definitely in a better place for having had all the complications - I NEVER thought I would say this ! !
And I never thought I would hear you say that! It is great to hear, both as an indication of your improved well-being, and as an inspiration to all.
I have gained two main things from my little AN. I interact, communicate, and relate better with other people; and I am far more aware that life is short, and there is no time for grudges, grumbling, and hesitations, you must try the things you you are tempted to try, and see what happens. In that direction lie the happy endings.
Steve
-
Thanks so much, Steve, Nancy, Kay, Jan, Phl, Jim, and Pembo - this is such a gift. For me, and hopefully for others. You are all my heros!
And, I know there are more amazing stories out there, just waiting to be told. Mine will be one of them.
Debbi - humbled and hopeful
-
It's great to read so many inspiring stories and see such positive outlooks.Recently, I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on the past 6 years since I was diagnosed with NF2. In that time period, I have gone through 3 AN surgeries, and the last one left me deaf.
I have been a teacher for 20 years. I taught band for 16 years and thought that my diagnosis meant the end of my career. Thankfully,withsome hard work and great support from my family and friends, i have moved to another position within my school district.
Last Spring, April 18 to be exact, I had my third AN surgery. I had many complications and nearly died on more than one occasion.
Thankfully, I have recovered well. I can now do most of the things that I want to do.
I am most thankful for my wonderful wife and great daughter. They have taken great care of me. AndN while I knew that my coIworkers were great, I have been humbled by their kindness and their generosity. They have really taken care of me, at both work and home.
And, I have gained insight into how people perceive those who are different (I look funny, walk funny,talk funny, and can't hear a thing). Generally, people who don't know me or didn't know me aren't sure about me (I think that my persecution complex is showing :).
I have been forced to find new interests (anybody want to buy my 300+ record albums?). I think that nurturing my new interests has helped me to improve cognitively.
I also think that I have a renewed appreciation of people and the things things that make them unique. Sometimes I feel like George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life.
Life is good!
Take care,
Jeff
-
Jeff~
Although you have had it really rough, what an inspiration to us all!!
K
-
Jeff -
You are amazing. I am already grateful that this AN has given me an oppotuntiy to "meet" people like you and all the other courageous and inspirational people on this forum. I hope to add my own "doors opened" in the future - but for now I already know that I am gaining something pretty big and pretty special.
Debbi
-
For Kaybo and so many others that have taken such inspiration from a very inspiring man... with regret, I share that Randy Pausch passed away this morning.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/books/07/25/obit.pausch.ap/index.html
For me, as many here know my full medical plight.... I have taken such inspiration from this man in all that he shared.... For me, in light of what I endure.... I continue to take strength from his words, his gestures, his insight... and most of all, his zest for life.
May he now rest, pain-free..... and for all those in his life (and for those lives he entered, such as mine and others)... may there be peace.
Phyl
-
Phyl~
Thanks for alerting me to this. While I am sad for his family, especially the kids, I know that what he shared has, and will, have a tremendous impact on so many and that thru that his children will grow up with an incredible legacy from him. I know, just by hearing him speak, that he probably made some incredible "provisions' for his children to learn more about him at different stages in thier lives. Let us all remember what he brought, and shared, to this world and strive to live our lives and stories in a way that helps others too.
K
-
Thanks for posting this, Phyl. Like you, I am saddened by his passing - he was definitely a hero who walked among us. I believe he leaves an amazing legacy behind, and I hope he is resting peacefully now.
Debbi
-
Phyl:
I just read about Randy Pausch's death before logging onto the website.
It's always tragic when a vital, relatively young man (47) is stricken with inoperable cancer and dies far too soon, leaving a wife and children. However, Randy Pausch took his grim and ultimately fatal diagnosis and reacted in a way that inspired millions and certainly gave hope to those dealing with other, non-fatal situations. Randy Pausch fought his cancer but didn't cling to life in some panicky attempt to 'beat' death. He faced the stark reality of his own impending mortality head on. He naturally was saddened at the thought of leaving his wife a widow and his children fatherless so he did all he could to help them (his book deal was worth a well-deserved 6 million). Just as importantly, Randy Pausch tried to instill in his young children the sense of intellectual curiosity and zest for living that he had in abundance. To his great credit, that zest for life never left Randy, even in the dark months following his cancer diagnosis and the typically unpleasant chemotherapy treatments. Randy loved life and felt that if we couldn't 'beat the Reaper' by living long we could 'beat' him by living a full, interesting life. Randy won, even if his life ended prematurely. His pain is over now and his family has some wonderful memories of a special man. So do we all. May he rest in peace. My condolences to his wife and children.
Jim
-
Sorry, I'm a little late coming in on this .......but for me one of the most positive things was realizing that I have so many wonderful people in my life who care for me and my well being. Also in realizing this, I haved learned to try and reach out more to people in my life , whether they are aquaintances, great friends, family, or just a stranger in line at the grocery store who strikes up a conversation for no apparent reason.
Also, as others have said, it is so much more clear that the "small stuff" is just that, small stuff. I have a greater appreciation for the every day things we have the ability to do and a greater appreciation for my independence.
I think I've developed a tolerance for other people who might be slow drivers or rude in line at the movie store or some other trait that they might have that in the past would have annoyed me. Now I tend to think to myself "okay kim, cut him/her a break , maybe he/she just got home from brain surgery or maybe just found out that he/she has a medical problem of some sort"
I can't forget to add that I would not have found this site and it is a reminder to me of how strong and great the human spirit is when I read all the stories here of people's triumphs, trials and tribulations!
Despite the worries, pain and everything negative that came along with an AN , overall I would say it was an experience that had a positive impact on my life.
Kimberly
-
Kim-
Well said. You exemplify my belief that while we may not be able to control what happens to us, we can control how we choose to deal with it. Randy Pausch is not the only hero who walks among us...this forum is filled with heros.
Debbi
-
Hi all,
I too was saddened by Randy's passing; he was indeed an inspiration. As for new doors and happy endings, I can say that the biggest revelation has been the outpouring of support offered to me though all of this. Friends, family, colleagues, and of course AN forumites. It has reinforced for me what is most important in this life and it has very little to do with career or money. I'm not happy this happened to me but in a strange way I am grateful for lessons learned.
Best,
Marci
-
I could have sworn I posted a reply on this thread a day or two ago, but maybe I previewed and then forgot to post ???
Jim -
you have some wonderful points in your post. I couldn't have said it better myself.
Randy Pausch was an inspiration to us all and my prayers are with his family.
May Randy rest in peace.
Jan
-
Okay, I'm up for the challenge. Steve. you are so great for saving this and bringing it out now!
It was one year ago tomorrow that I had surgery. Pretty textbook event for the surgeons - took 5 1/2 hours, got all but a few bits of the tumor, facial nerve tested well throughout, patient woke up and immediately threw up. Yep, pretty textbook.
As I reflect back on this year, I feel proud, and I feel humbled. Am I a different person? Yes, in some ways, I suppose I am. I am more diligent about telling my husband, family and friends how much I love them. At the same time, I am less patient wtih those around me who won't take control of their lives and who persist in being miserable. I am more patient with people who are having a tough time as long as they are making an effort. I've "fired" several clients because I really didn't think they actually wanted to change - there's plenty of other coaches out there who will take their money, I don't need to invest in perpetuating patterns of failure. I have learned to be much more patient with myself and to ask for help when I need it (always hard for me in the past.) And, I've learned how to politely say no to things that aren't not in alignment with my core values and goals. I take more time to just enjoy a moment. And, I've started taking photos again because I seem to be seeing beauty in things I hadn't noticed in many years.
I've also learned to execute a nearly flawless "SSD Swivel" without falling flat on my face. In fact, Willie tells me that it is like some strange form of deranged ballet ... a tentative note floats out and Debbi twirls and pirouettes about trying to find the source of the note before it fades into oblivion. :D
And, I've learned to surrepticiously wipe my lower right lip after every bite lest a Porterhouse be hanging off my numb lip. I've also learned to manually hold my lips closed while rinsing my mouth out so as not to spray water everywhere. Oh, and I have also mastered drops in my eyes anywhere, anytime, even at high speeds.
I know that, for me, this was a life changing event. And, I can happily report that the most important changes have all been good. You get used to the little stuff like the SSD and the occasionally drooling ;D and you also realize that it doesn't define who you are.
BTW, some of you may enjoy this article I published a few months ago "7 Things a Brain Tumor Taught Me" http://www.ezinearticles.com/?7-Things-A-Brain-Tumor-Taught-Me&id=1876243 (http://www.ezinearticles.com/?7-Things-A-Brain-Tumor-Taught-Me&id=1876243)
-
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Congratulations!!!!!
-
BTW, some of you may enjoy this article I published a few months ago "7 Things a Brain Tumor Taught Me" http://www.ezinearticles.com/?7-Things-A-Brain-Tumor-Taught-Me&id=1876243 (http://www.ezinearticles.com/?7-Things-A-Brain-Tumor-Taught-Me&id=1876243)
Thanks for sharing this Debbi! It is an inspiration. I am in awe of people who can articulate and condense an experience into life lessons.
Kate
-
Hi Debbi,
Thanks for taking the bait. ;D
It was one of my favorite topics from last year - a good big picture look at having an AN. I still stand by what I posted back then; I did not realize at the time that knitting would be one of the things I would try, but try it I did, and it has worked out well.
I know what you mean about people who seem to insist on not taking control and being miserable. They are a drain on energy, and I don't feel like I have that much to spare. I could still do with learning to say no more readily, when that is going to turn out to be my answer in the end anyway.
Having an AN has changed my life too, and for the increased awareness of what is important in my life, it has been a good change.
Steve
-
Having an AN has changed my life too, and for the increased awareness of what is important in my life, it has been a good change.
Hear, hear! Bravo!
-
It took me a few minutes to figure out my answer. I'm still dealing with facial paralysis and that tends to dominate my thoughts when I think about my AN journey.
1) I never suspected how many people cared about me until this happened and they were coming out of the woodwork to send me prayers and cards and help out in any way possible.
2) I just bought a really cool horse that I wouldn't have had the pleasure of owning if I hadn't sold all of my others last fall before my surgery.
3) I suspect that in retrospect, I will have grown as a human being because of this experience
:-)
Vonda
-
Hi Debbi,
I just read your article. It was great! I had intended to post to this thread but then lost track of it. I did just post to the one Jan started about positive things from an AN.
I'm five or so months post op - my residual issues are facial weakness / eye stuff (but improving) and some fatigue (just need a cat nap sometimes and hit a wall). Oh yeah, and the SSD. Any regrets? No. I think problems help us be better and stronger people.
Thanks for this - I like the creative title too.
Keri
-
Debbi .....
Thanks for bringing this thread back and updating in such an eloquent way.
All of our journeys are so different but it has been an uplifting experience to see the positives gained from each. Thank you to everyone!!
Clarice
P.S. I shared mine on Jan's new thread so will not repeat here.
-
Thanks Debbie for starting the topic.
Well, I think this AN has been a blessing for me (or at least, I would like to think so). First of all, I quit smoking, which might have led to more serious complications. I have become more compassionate toward others and can empathize easily with people who are going through bad times in life. I have also learned to live life more compassionately (eg, I love music more than before ;), and have given myself more time to writing, which is one of my passions). Also, I am more confident now and do not get easily discouraged by small obstacles in life. I have come to value small moments in life and cherish my family more than ever. Moreover, in last three years I learned more (there are so many) than I did in the previous 22 years.
-
Six weeks ago, in ICU the day after my translab surgery, my husband held my hand and asked, "Squeeze my hand if it was worse than you thought it would be."
I didn't squeeze his hand.
He was ecstatic, and so was I. We continue to be to this day.
Best,
Brenda (Teff)
-
You guys are all so awesome. I have such admiration for each and every person here - you've all helped me in my journey and you all continue to inspire me.
Keri, I agree that it is the challenges in life that make us stronger and more interesting.
Raj - isn't it funny that something like a brain tumor can make us so much more in touch with things of beauty, be they art, photography or music
Brenda - I am fortunate, like you, to have a husband I love deeply - but I never loved him more than when he took my hand in the recovery room, looked at my swollen, paralyzed face (vomit bowl poised below my chin, just in case...) and told me that I was the most beautiful woman he knew. Wow.
You know, life is pretty darned good!
Debbi