My little angel

[thecakes]

   Sorry, off the subject again.  My son (14) and I had a fight again last nite.  I was on the computer and he was at the table doing homework.  He does'nt want to do homework.  It seems he takes it out on me.  "I bet you never had to do this.  I'd like to see you do this! etc.)  He yells so loud.  My 16 year old girl gets scared and goes off to her room.  I usually try to stay calm and try to reson with him.  My daughter said to me that if Dad was here he would'nt yell  like this ( he's at work)That disturbed me,  I allways had the kids respect and control when they were younger, and now it seems its harder.  I am older and tireder.  Its harder.  Since she said that, I drug my son to his room and told him to stay there until he can act civilized and no computer tomarrow.  I had to yell louder than him and he shut up and just looked at me.  It seems this is just what he needed to calm he down.  I hate doing this but I'm glad I did.  My little angel.  I think of when he was little, how sweet he was, as we can all say that about are babies.  He sometimes says nasty things to me when he thows these homework fits.  Once he said "I wish you never came home from the hospital".  That hurts, but I'm getting over it and getting a thicker skin.  I have to  if I am going to raise him.  Some day I hope to have that little angel back again.   Sorry,---I had to vent on you

[Battyp]

Cakes it must be the week for fights with teenagers.  My son and I who seldom fight have had a few big ones since surgery. One just two days ago.  He's 15 will be 16 next month.  I think part of it for him is how different I am and he gets frustrated not having the mom he remembered and being in high school I think there is so much peer pressure with all those hormones raging they don't know what to do with themself. 

My mom called my son and chewed his butt for how he was behaving.shall I have him call yours?  She's raised 7 teenagers and says she now understands why some animals eat their young  lol

Is he having trouble with his homework?  Is he struggling academecially?  If so lashing out at you could be a way to save face as he's scared of failure. 

My suggestion would be for you and your husband sit down and talk to him together about what's going on and see if he'll explain the problem to you.  Also pointing out in a unified front that his behavior will not be tolerated and there will be consequences.  You must be ready to back up the consquences or you're wasting your breath.  That's the hardest part for me....I feel guilty sometimes as he has no dad and I know in the last 7 mos he's had to take care of me more than me him. 

This too shall pass...but know you can vent anytime!

[matti]

Cakes - It does pass... My boys are now in their 20's and it is a pleasure to hang out with them. Never thought I'd say that. Their magical turning point/transformation seemed to be around 17 or 18. I had always thought teenage girls had hormonal problems, not boys....I was wrong! 

take care,
matti

[thecakes]

   Thanks Batty and Matti,  I think I am there in the line of fire for him.  No I can't except his behaivor and i won't.  I have never depended on his father when it comes to raising kids.  I hate that line-wait until your father gets home--  What if something happens to the father?  He has to respect me too.  I do think its alot of hormone stuff, and I could just imagin  how diffucult and hard it is on him.  I had to pick him up from school early and take him to the dentest.  Its hi mom like nothing happened.  This morning he yelled love you before he got on the bus.  That  makes me happy but he has to start being responsible for his actions.  I have feelings too you know.  I am starting to get stronger with this parenting stuff though, I have to.  Yes he got a d in Algebra, that really bothers him, i don't ever go off on him about it but i let him know i don't like it

[Battyp]

My son got a d first 9 weeks which was when I had my surgery.  he's typically an honor roll student.  He was crushed.  The principal told me he gets his self esteem/worth by achieving academically so took it harder than most.  In fact the school did nothing to try to help him make up a test he missed because he was at the hostpial with me.  UGH!
I agree on the wait until your father gets home line.  Especially since his father died when he was 5.  I just got a call that an excollegues husband fell down an elevator shaft at work yesterday and died.  They have a 3 year old.  So sad! 

Yes, he needs to be held accountable for his actions.  Sounds like there might be some underlying hostility or problems affecting his behavior towards you right now.  I know for my son there was things going on due to my surgery, girlfriend (his first), hormones, peer pressure (I can't get over how many kids I know from his school are having sex, drinking and drugging).  BIG UGH  lol

[matti]

It is frightning at how many kids are having sex in Jr. high and high school, plus the drugs. I know we all had these things going on when we were in school, but not to this extent.  I volunteered for 6 years in both Jr. high and high school library, and the things I saw and heard were unbelievable.  I feel sorry for our kids today and all the crap they have to deal with. Between my husband's illness and my AN, my boys, like yours have dealt with way too much for their ages. My son who is 23 started becoming a hypochondriac a few years ago, I can understand why. 

[Battyp]

It amazed me when I registered my son for 9th grade how many 9th graders had babies.  They were the only one s allowed in for resgistration so it was very telling.especially when they were bragging to the other students.

My son hardly ever complains he's not feeling good.  I think he's scared if he does I'll take him for a shot  lol

He is scheduled for surgery on May 22nd.  We finally found a doctor that will treat him but..have to double check his credentials per phyl and her dad's instructions.  They told me some specific things to double check I didn't know to do before.  I do know he's not been sued by anyone 

[thecakes]

   Batty and Matti, the little angel is back, I love you Mom, before he got on the bus.  Talking about the kids, it really got to me a few years ago when my oldest daughter, who was a senior at the time, said a classmate of hers was pregnant and she was showing everyone the altrasound pictures of her baby.  My daughter was telling me this with a smile and thinking this was so sweet. She said everyone was gathered around the girls locker looking to see this "sweet" picture, like they think that   is wonderful.  It sounds like the girl gained in popularity just from being pregnant..  That scared me.  We had a long talk again.           Batti what did you mean by your sons surgery?  I'm lost{like allways} Your the one that had the brain tumor, right?

[Battyp]

Yes cakes I had the brain tumor.

He had some stupid girl hit him where the sun doesn't shine at school in his tennis class with a tennis racket and he nees surgery to correct the damage.  I've had a hard time finding a doctor to treat him due to his age and the nature of the problem.  I finally found one we liked that has a lot of experience with the type of surgery he needs and is willing to do the surgery on him.  Makes me wanna whack that girl with a tennis racket!

[thecakes]

  Batti, thats terrible.  The poor kid.  I hope he is'nt damaged for life.  If that would happen to my boy I'd go nuts.  This was'nt done on perpose I hope?  Good luck to your son, the poor guy.  Dr. can do mirciules.  I'll pray for him.  Let me know how things work out.

[Battyp]

The sad thing it was done on purpose.  Someone thinking they were being cute and funny but def. was not cute or funny!  His surgery is scheduled for May 22.  Getting answers yesterday was great as he's better today having some answers and knowing that the pain and discomfort will end soon!  thanks for the prayers!

[thecakes]

   I don't believe in sueing for every little thing that comes along, but that is a good case if you ask me,  I hope she pays dearly.She needs too.

[Battyp]

After all I've been through I've learned to chose my battles wisely.  I don't see myself handling the stress involved and the girl from my understanding doesn't lve in the best part of town so what's the point.  Ohter than causing my son major high school embarrassment I don't know what it would accomplish and the schools attittude in this area is..if you don't have school insurance then they are not responsible.  Just hoping he gets the relief he needs and we can get this past us.  I Kindergarten he had a big kid trip him and knock is two front teeth in...two more years of school and he's done!  Kids can be cruel

[thecakes]

  Yes, I know how kids can be.  They don't relize it but all that crulity, The other child remembers for the rest of they're lives.  I ]'ve seen my children hurt too{not physically though} Its hard for a parent to take.  I know when my kid did'nt get invited to a party or something it would about break my heart.  My children are all happly well ajusted, and raised with good morals.  They never were "popular" but did ok with friends.  You are right about saving your son the imbarsusment.  You have to think of your son first.

[Battyp]

I finally told me the girls first name so if I wanted to track her down I'm sure I could.  I hear you on the bday party thing.  It's so hard to watch your child be excluded and have their feelings hurt!