Been a while

[bdsgurl]

Since Ive been on the forum. I am post op 11 months now. I havent been on becuase being on here, makes me nervous. I think it just reminds me of what happened. I was telling my husband that I dont think i ever gave myself time to really "take in" what happened a year ago. I had 6, 3 and 6 month old when i was diagnosed and becuase i felt like i couldnt be vulnerable, (they needed me to be strong), I took it all as a business transaction, sure i cried when i was first diagnosed, but i dont think i did after that until post surgery when i was all doped up and didnt know what i was doing. Anyway, Ive noticed that in the last month, I am anxious, nervous, analyzing every little thing going on in my body, scared that its coming back, growing agian, scared that the symtoms i had are indicating something isnt healing right. I had a few complications after surgery which i think just add to my anxiety. I KNOW how blessed I am that my brain tumor was benign. I thank God every single day. Its actually focusing on that that gets me through each day. Could it be that im finally, a whole year later, finally allowing myself to "feel". I cry every time i think of what i went through, all the time i couldnt see my kids, how scared i was that when i went in to surgery, i wouldnt come back or never see them again. I just dont know what changed in the last year. I find myself checking my eyes, my balance, everything, just almost as if i expect something to go wrong....why now?

[Denise S]

Since it's been almost a year, do you have a follow up MRI and dr. appointment??  I sure hope so.   Be sure to write down all your questions too!    I just spoke to a phsycologist about some of this stuff (all the anxiety, etc) on Monday.   She said it is VERY, VERY common for people to start thinkinig of things like you are going through.  She also mentioned people with cancer.  Like once they are diagnosed, any little thing that pops up, they think is cancer (Of course not everyone, but many).   Yeah, makes sense, we get scared.   It's natural.    But she also said the best thing is following up or seeing doctor to see if they think you are at a normal spot.   

I read your other post about Tinnitus and seems odd to come back after that much time, but my neurotologist said that and many other symptoms CAN be affected by the weather changes, barometric flucuations, and with weathcer changes strike allergies and sinus issues a lot that can press on the inter cranial area and where the nerves are.   He warned me it takes a long time.    still not sure what to believe, but I did post on my blog the other day about weather changes :-)     I live in Michigan, so we have been having true seasonal weather changes, not like some states get.

Best wishes, Denise         

[moe]

HI
Glad you came back, sorry you feel nervous but what you are going through is normal. It's the post AN "new you" phenomena.

I was in a similar situation. When I found out about my AN, I was in TX and my husband was stationed in WA (one of those geographical separations so I could stay with the kids, 2 of which were end of high school, just starting college). I was very business like too- get the thing out, I've got a lot going on! Went to WA, had the surgery, went back to TX for one year. The first year post surgery, other than the facial nerve issue, I did very well.
Graduated a high schooler, sent 2 to college, sold a house, (put that money into a winter home near Corpus Christi TX), moved to WA. My husband was in Afghanistan when we moved! So you can imagine the stress.
Hubby back from Afghanistan, we are settled and about 6 months later, I thought "Gee I've really been through a lot!" and I am more obsessed about any symptom, feeling more anxious like I'm going to pop.
THAT's when I joined the forum.

The emotions go for a ride, and continue for me, even almost 4 years later.
Hopefully you will have your one year MRI and everything will look good.
I can totally empathize with what you are going through and I'm sure there are a lot of others out there who can empathize. Have I really had a good cry about all this? NO I guess not which is weird. When I do cry, my left face wouldn't move, and no tears out the left eye, so it was a silent cry I guess

I too am thankful for being alive and all. Try to pamper yourself a little every day, in any way. I do!

Hope this helps,
Maureen