Anxiety attacks.

[Suu]

Hello my wonderful friends.

Could you help just once more please?

I'm getting the face sling done on Thursday and my body is shaking and I'm having small panic attacks.
I know that this is due to going through so much when having the AN out and subsequent CSF leaks but knowing the reason for it doesn't seem to help. I'm fearful of something else going wrong I think.

The best doctor is on my side, I have a husband that tries his very best to understand and my 2 oldest grandchildren are a Godsend who I laugh with a lot.  They all think of me as a laugh a minute and someone who gets through bad things with humour and grace.  This is true on the outside.

So my questions are:

Have any of you had these panic attacks while waiting for surgery and how did you get through it?  (I'm already on Ativan so can't take any more drugs and I'm trying to deep breathe as well.)

Lovenhugs to everyone,
Suu xxoo

[Kaybo]

Suu~
While I've never experienced anxiety attacks, I know that they are very real & can understand why upcoming sugary would bring them on. I will say that I have had many surgeries - both related to the AN & not - and I can that they are nothing like the AN surgery. I've had two major surgeries to try to help my face (12/7 and T3) and many eye surgeries - just try to take deep breaths and tell yourself that it'll all be worth it in the end. Unlike the AN surgery, this is to help YOU look & feel better about your appearance.

I doubt that helped much, but I know you are going to do great!

K 

[nftwoed]

Hi suujoy;

  I have NF-2 so understand prolonged, chronic stress from procedures, tests, Drs and the like.
  I've some idea the Ativan may be contributing to the anxiety problem if you've been taking it quite a while. It is the most potent of benzodiazepine drugs but also has a short half life ( not good for prolonged use ) .
  Just a thought to ask Dr. about upping the dose of this, or switching to Klonopin.
  You'll get through this. I trust in that. I'm unsure why life has to be so tough sometimes!!
  And, as you say, "I have the best Dr on my side", and it also appears by your statement, you have good familial support.

[Tod]

Suu,

While in pre-op waiting mode for my third laryngoplasty, I was alone and planning for my wife to pick me up afterward, when the woman in the next room coded. She was in post-op recovery. Fortunately, I was pretty relaxed from whatever was in the IV.

Unfortunately, the memory stuck with me and I decided I couldn't face another laryngoplasty, especially since they had such a low level of effectiveness for me. So, when it came time for to get my BAHA implant, I knew I needed my wife with me and that I had to dig down deep to manage the anxiety. For me, this is involves preparation and focus on the positive.

When the time came I was relatively relaxed, despite the delays that we faced that day. (the implant had not arrived previously as scheduled. It ended being promised by 10 am and so our 9:00 am start time was delayed to couple of hours since I did not wish to reschedule.) The sad story is that my dear wife who is subject to anxiety attacks, had been having them for the  previous two weeks and was in a full-blown attack on that day. She was attributing this to work issues, but finally admitted that being back at the hospital in the same surgery complex that close to the anniversary of my 32 hour  surgery, in which the waiting was a nightmare, was simply too much for her.

I think anxiety and panic attacks are different for each of us. The same holds true for how best to deal with them. For me, the easiest thing to do is prepare everything I can in advance. I want to avoid any last minute looking around for things or questions about things that need to be done. I need to make sure my family can find things or answer questions in my absence. I see anxiety as not being so much about the unknown or worst cases of what may happen, but about how to respond those things. If I can prepare myself and others well enough in advance, and place my trust and confidence in those I am paying to take care of me, then I do pretty well.

I don't know if any of this is really helpful to you, I hope it is. The main point is that panic attacks are not abnormal and that perhaps you can find a way to understand them and then reduce them.

-Tod

[Suu]

OMG! I am so thankful that you understand.  Hubby thinks I'll just get over it, have the operation, and come home to be myself again.
Sorry to offload this on here but I feel like I lost a bit of myself last year.  It's hard to put into words but I am different.

K - I like the way you put that I'll be better for it by having this surgery.  I hope like heck that's the case and I know that's what my doctor is doing it for.

nftwoed - I've been on the Ativan for 8 weeks.  Is that a long time to be on it? I definitely don't want a stronger dose as I don't want to get addicted.  I was thinking of actually halving them and getting off them but will wait to see what the doc says. Taking Klonopin is out because I have glaucoma.

Tod - I get what you're saying and will be following that advice. Preparation is one thing I can do to ease stress that's for sure. I still have a couple of days and, even though it's after 7pm Monday night here, I'm going to begin now and not rush.
I'm counting the positives and will have to do what I normally do afterwards and that's count my blessings.

Well, my heart is going ten to the dozen again so I'm getting off here and doing some washing and if the neighbours complain about the noise I'll put one of my grandson's heavy metal Cd's on and ramp it up. Greenday is my sort of music at times like this. 

Thankyou all for being here.

Lovenhugs to each of you.

Suu xxoo

[Tod]

Suu,

I went through a period of grief last mourning the partial  loss of who I was, and the loss of much of the year itself. On the other hand, I gained so very much through the experience I feel like I came out ahead.

This stuff is a collection of big experiences. While it is not easy, try to find a way to enjoy the ride and see what you can learn along the way.

Good luck to you. I am quite sure you will be fine.

-Tod

[kenneth_k]

Hi Suu.

I wish you luck and will pray for you.

Kenneth

[Suu]

Thankyou Tod and Kenneth.

Tod, do you ever feel as if you've changed somehow? 
I can understand how grieving the loss of some of our own self can be healing.
I'm only finding out now as I 'get better' that something has changed and now facing the next lot of surgery I think that what I feel is fear more than anxiety.

As Kaybo said, Unlike the AN surgery, this is to help YOU look & feel better about your appearance, and I'm wanting it to work very very badly.

Some day I'll look back on this and wonder what all the fuss was about but for now, I'll keep taking deep breaths until I wake up on Thursday and start healing again.

Thanks again,

Suu xxoo

[Tod]

Suu, yes, I've changed. I am quite a bit softer around the edges and more empathic. Or rather, I have empathy now - something I was lacking before. I had never had any real physical or health problems prior to the time period when Bob was taking me to brink of coma. So I could never really understand why some  people, like my dear wife, couldn't just get up each day and make the best of the day no matter how much crap one had to deal with externally. This experience taught me the other side.

There is also plenty of literature that suggests when we have a tumor or heart attack or other health problem that just "seems to happen" that we internalize the event as our "body letting us down." Imagine saying to your body, "I've fed you, I've clothed you, I've taking you on long walks, and THIS is what you do to me in return?" (This is why so many people look to cell phones and other causes that explain what happened - it can be too much to accept that perhaps that neither the universe nor your own body love you.) So the grieving is as much about coming to terms with this new understanding of reality.

There is also the grief of losing hearing, your balance nerve, the time spent in recovery instead of doing things. I think recognizing this makes it easier to cope on move on.

Today, I still have some issues, 16 months later. New ones (serious vitamin deficiencies - get to give myself daily injections -whee!) were uncovered yesterday. But I am so freakingly awesomely back to where I was few years prior to surgery and few people can tell I have any issues, that life is very good and it still amazes me - What? I have a brain tumor? Really?

Life happens. It is not always fair or even-handed, but it simply happens. Roll with it. Enjoy it. Grieve when necessary. Laugh your ass whenever possible.

-Tod

[moe]

Suu,
Just now reading this, and praying for a successful surgery and a calm and less anxious kind of day for you. Will be rooting for you on Thursday
Maureen