Dear Shan, I've just read your posts and blog and I am so moved. I was diagnosed with a 2.2cm AN four years ago and underwent 6 weeks (5 days a week) of stereotactic fractionated radiation on the Novalis. Like you, my journey has been up and down, up and down and still is four years later. I get new symptoms, worsening symptoms, spontaneous symptoms, and ongoing symptoms - the worse of which are the constant headaches. I take narcotics for pain and don't seem prone to addiction - the meds simply help me function day-to-day. I know taking narcotics is controversial, but I don't buy into the hype as they are my best solution.
About a year after my treatment, I was referred to Dr. Robert Jackler at Stanford University who is an AN expert (he "writes the books about ANs for surgeons"). He was SHOCKED that I was treated with so much radiation. He personally called my doctors to let them know ANs haven't been treated this way since the 1970s. Of course my neuro was totally pissed off - "who does that guy think he is?" and I felt like I was in the middle of a battle. Long story short, I'm at higher risk for all complications and will be for life. The tumor showed necrosis a year after treatment and at three years out the radiologist was concerned that the tumor is enhancing (getting brighter), which can be an indication that it's turned malignant due to the massive doses of radiation. Very few of these tumors turn to cancer, but when they do, the mortality rate is 100%. So, I live with it and have come to trust Dr. Jackler at Stanford who I will be seeing on March 8th. So, the journey continues. I've come to accept that this is my "new normal" and manage my symptoms the best I can. I try to stay in grace as much as possible, but I do slip over to fear and self-pity at times. I wish you the very best as well as all the other AN'ers on this site! Anne