Halfway Done

[Tod]

14 sessions down, 14 more to go. Things are going well, I guess. I suffer from ongoing nausea, even with the anti-nausea meds (generic Zofran). There have been very minor headaches, always treatable with acetaminophen. In the last few days I have had some facial spasms around my left cheek and eye. These are not actually new, as I have had hemifacial spasms and synkenesis for over a year now, but they are definitely stronger and more noticeable.

Going over to Massey Cancer Center on a daily basis is a difficult thing.Most of the patients over there look far less well than I do. I sometimes have to to remind myself that my situation is perhaps as precarious as theirs. I have no choice but to be there or give up - as one patient I had seen daily did the other day. Her sister-in-law caregiver told me Wednesday that was their last day since she decided she just couldn't face the treatments any longer and decided to stop. There is more to the story, about an elderly woman who was nearly homeless and rescued by her much younger brother and sister-in-law. It is very touching and sad. The next day I was preceded in the treatment room by a young, hairless girl in a wheelchair.

It is strange. Yes, I have a few issues with the side effects, and I have been more tired than usual, but I still feel like I am "normal." Whatever that means. It is also easy to forget how weak I was for a year or so following surgery. It still feels very odd to be walking there and back and just kind of cruising through the whole process.

-Tod

[Jim Scott]

Tod ~

I'm sorry to learn that you're having a few issues as you undergo FSR (I didn't).  However, like you, my radiation was performed at an ominously-named 'cancer center' adjacent to the hospital where I had my AN surgery, just three months before.  There, the people I met were all cancer patients and some of them didn't look too good and had rather sad stories.  Like you, this had the effect of giving me a much clearer perspective on my situation.  Something to think about as I drove the 60-mile round trip to and from the facility five days per week (weekends off).  The trite phrase "there but for the grace of God go I" rang all too true for me during that time.  However, once I emerged from the FSR treatments, that experience helped propel me toward a rapid recovery.  I was so grateful for the fact that (a) I was alive and, (b) I had gone through my AN experience and come out relatively well that I couldn't waste my blessing but had to get back into things as soon as possible.  Since then (2006) I've taken a leadership role in my church and, I hope, become a more compassionate person, although certainly one with flaws.  My continued presence on the AN forums as both a moderator and contributor is another part of my decision to be less self-centered and try to help others, as I can.  Who would have guessed a rare and problematic tumor would have such an effect on one's outlook? 

I trust that your radiation treatments will continue without any serious issues and that not only will the tumor be vanquished but that you'll enjoy a complete and rapid recovery.

Jim

[chloes mema]

Amen to what Jim has written.
Yesterday I attended the Florida Brain Tumor Association seminar at USF.  I, too, came away feeling very grateful that if I have to have a brain tumor it is benign.  Another lady I "hooked" up with at the seminar also has an AN and she said the same thing "there but for the grace of God go I".  Seeing and hearing others stories at the seminar and reading posts here has made me realize how blessed I am. 
Wishing you well Tod with your procedure.

Karen

[Richard_T]

Tod,

You, Jim and many others are the true heroes of this forum.  Despite several procedures, you keep your spirits up.  I am lucky to have people like you too to learn a lot from.  Despite your trials, it does appear that you are nearing the positive end of a long ride.  There are always people way worse off than we.  For instance, brain metatastic tumors would probably seal that person's fate and quickly.  We AN members are lucky to have a much better diagnosis of benign tumors. 

I wish you all the best of luck as you come to the end of your long journey and as an inspiration to us all.

Richard

[Tod]

Thanks all. I have  been granted a tremendous amount of grace to have this entire experience. It has provided me with insights and sensitivities I was lacking. It has been a much needed education. I've said it before, I would not have missed this for the world.

That's not to say I have enjoyed the trip everyday. I certainly am not right now (I realized at dinner I have lost most of my sense of taste, fortunately that should be temporary, but I had just gotten back the ability to taste sugars), but like one of my favorite activities, backpacking, I don't always enjoy every step along a trip. Some days just suck for one reason or another - whether backpacking or recovering from surgery or just having a tumor. All I can do is keep making that next step.

As for being hero, I thank you for the compliment Richard. But my heroes here are those who struggle with real challenges and keep looking for answers, as well as all the moderators like Jim  who communicate day in and day out to support everyone on the site.

-Tod

[Richard_T]

Fair enough.