Help! My husband is struggling

[KenJen]

I let you guys know a few days ago that Ken had his surgery and we were back home and ready for recovery, but he is so down that I don't know what to do.  He has had dry eye for a few months before the surgery and it is chronic.  He takes Restasis and Lacra Lub gel and other regular drops.  I think he needs something for depression but they all seem to cause more dry eye.  He is missing the hearing on the left side and has the echo inside of his head. I feel so helpless.  He has lost a lot of weight and I am worried. Will he come out of this?  Do any of you know any anti depressant that will not cause dry mouth or dry eye?
Any of you try the BAHA? Did it help? KenJen

[Kilroy1976]

Try cooking him his favorite meal, maybe with a nice bottle of wine if he can have it. It's something to try before anti-depressants anyway.

[Raydean]

You might want to run this issue  by your doctor.  Some of the drugs given for the surgery such as Decraton (ms?) have side effects that take awhile to work out of your system that contribute to depression.  

A major surgery is a life changing event and can lead towards counting our losses and reflecting from within. Even with a positive outcome, there are losses.  It can cause us to face our own mortality issues, something that we may of pushed aside over the years.  Between the physical issues and emotional issues it can be alot to deal with.  It may help for him to have a "safe person" to talk to.  Someone that he can share his thoughts, fears, the nitty gritty stuff, that will listen with their ears and heart. That won't be judgemental, or minimize the very real issues.  Just being able to talk, not holding it in helped.

Know that we're thinking of the both of you.  if I can be of any help please email me.  
Hugs
Raydean

[Desilu]

Hi KenJen,

Don't be afraid to call House Ear Clinic. They will call you back the same day! Is he up and walking around? I felt better when I took a long walk and realized all the beautiful things God has made and it made me appreciate them more and realized how blessed I was. I know Ken has a lot of Faith in God, tell him to hang in there, this too shall pass. Jeanie, be strong, you both will get through this.  We are all here to help and willing to do anything we can. You both will be in my prayers.  Ann

[Obita]

Hi KenJen:

Do call your doctors FOR SURE.  I would think that physical recovery would go much easier if your mental state was up to par.  AN surgery takes so much away that feeling depressed  is normal.  Not being able to shake it might be something to worry about.   My attitude was so much better once I got out in the real world again -

There is a post on page 3 of General Discussion, Post Op Depression - It is a real good thread and an important one.

I know the post op stuff is the pits, especially the eye thing.  Alot of it gets better but unfortunately, very slowly.  My eye finally started making tears about 6 or 7 weeks post op.

Best of luck my friends,  Kathy 

[Rc Moser]

I can relate, I had and 18 hour operation. Severe head pain for two days and was on mofin. on the third day I tried to get up. Severve Brain freeze times five. Had to work my way up by elevating the bed. Something to do with spinal fluid. Once I was able to set up for a while I started to get up (let me tell you it was one of the hardest thing I have ever experienced). More Brain freeze. Buy this time I was really weak and loss 31 lbs. By the 5th day I was learning how to walk with a waker and doing stroke excerises. I was released on the 8th day. Home was a struggle, you don't feel like doing anything but set around. I can see where he can easily slip into a rut. In my opinion (IMO)  it's going to be extremely hard beings he had dry eye before, now with the 8th nerve not functioning yet and he probably can't blink, Eye drops and grease at night is a must. IMO he will also have to were a clear patch out in the wind or even in the house when A/C is on or any sealing fans. This operation is IMO life altering, things will never be the same IMO. To many nerves were tampered with or damaged while the tumor was pushing on them or during the operation its self. Depending on the size of the tumor and the outcome the first three or four weeks are tough on some of use. Suck it up and get him on his excerise routine to get his balance back and do the facial excerises. If my wife hadn't of pushed me I don't know what the out come would of been cause I didn't feel like doing nothing or wanted too. Even now I have good days and bad days are getting fewing and far between, but, I still have them and probably will for the rest of my life.

[matti]

I agree with everyone else, I think you should call his doctors. The depression could be caused by many things, one of which could be medication. I went through something very similar with my husband when he had surgery (not AN). His doctors immediately changed his medication and within  2 days, he was so much better.

As others have said, he is also dealing with losses. Encourage him to talk about it and most importantly acknowledge his pain. He is going through the gamut of emotions right now, so hang in there. I know this is really tough on you and please know we are here for you.

hugs,
Cheryl

[marystro]

Please let Ken know that we are all here for him.  Although my case may not be as severe as his, I was so depressed for a few days after I found out about my AN.  I broke down crying all the time and finally it was my husband and my son who came to my rescue and reassured me that I would be ok.  Send him your love and support.  That would definitely help with his emotion.

Hang in there.  Life set back is a test of character.  We will all pull through this.  Think about what might have been worse than AN.  Stay positive.

[Jeanlea]

KenJen,

I went through a period of depression after my surgery.  I've read that is common after any kind of major surgery.  I found myself crying at the drop of a hat.  But I hid that from my family.  It takes a while to get used to the "new you" after surgery.  I went into surgery feeling perfectly fine and came out with facial paralysis which included a dry eye that wouldn't blink.  It still doesn't and it's been 11 months now.  I had a gold weight put in my eye while I was still in the hospital and at 7 months I had an eye lift and the corner sewn a tiny bit.  That helped because now I can use a lot less gel during the day.  I still use ointment at night.  It's gotten to the point now where I feel that my vision is close to normal.

I think it helped me a lot to adjust because my husband took me out of the house as much as possible when I got home.  I came home after 8 days in the hospital on a Wednesday.  The next day my sister took me out for some errand at the banks and to visit my Grandma.  On Saturday we went out to eat.  I must admit I felt a little awkward going to a restaurant with a cane and facial paralysis, but I did it.  Even when my mom stayed with my right out of the hospital for four days we ended up going out to eat three of those days and did a little walking.  I guess the little pushes to keep active really helped.

It's got to be hard to be the care-giver.  Let Ken know that we are here for him.  And for you too.  Good luck to both of you.

Jean

[tony]

I was sorry to hear of your troubles - remember here it is still very early days
I agree with the sentiments expressed so far - plus
The medication used for this type of OP is very powerful and acts on the central
nervous system - and sometimes gives some strange side effects.
Consider this, soldiers in the last war actually shot themselves - just to get the
morphine that their bodies now craved - as a result of earlier medication.
(morphine also acts on the central nervous system)
Also twenty years ago an OP like this would have meant a hospital stay
measured in months - these days its just days -I am not sure all of
us are quite ready for this type of adjustment.
Your Husband maybe quite unaware of all this and may need some
professional counciling to help adjust
The important thing here is that you dont try to carry it all alone
- get the doctors and the health professionals on your side
Good Luck
and Best Regards
Tony

[Brendalu]

Tony,
You have such a wonderful attitude and sense of humor.  Thank you.  It helps get through the day!
BrendaO

[pattibobatti]

Hi there,

    I agree that the steroids might be playing a part if he is getting off them.  My Dr. said to expect depression at that time.  He might just need a conversation with his Dr. The feelings of everything in your life being out of your control are hard to deal with.  Men, in general , llike to feel in control !  Maybe if he can talk with a professional about what to expect next, he would feel better.

Pattibobatti

[Pembo]

Hi there. I'm 2 years post op and I have been thru a lot of emotions. I distinctly remember some very bad days in the weeks after surgery. It was alot to adjust to, this new normal. Pleasle don't be afraid to ask for help. If he won't see someone, then you should. My husband was my rock, he has a counselor friend that helped him make sense of things which in turn helped me.

I do have the Baha. I got it about 15 months after surgery. I love it. It isn't a miracle cure for the hearing loss but it is a huge help in everyday life and helps me feel a little more normal. Email with any questions.

Good luck to you both......

[wind6]

Hello, Okay I will add my two cents and hope it helps. I feel I was fortunate in the fact that my doctors realized ahead of time that I would go through some major depression so they started me on Wellbutrin before my surgery. I was also put on Lorezapam(sp) for anxiety. I am sure this helped me tremendously because even with this support, I still went through some really rocky times. I remember at one point I found myself telling everyone I wished I would have just let my life go!!! Now that is DEPRESSED!!! Thankfully that didnt last long. I did come on here and posted about my feelings at the time and found tons of life saving support.
I also wonder if its easier as a woman to admit all these things. Seems to me our society isnt real accepting of men showing all the emotions that seem to go along with this trauma. Maybe you could let him know that what he feels is normal and that getting help is the best thing to do. It never means you are weak if you need help. See if he will let you call his doctors...I bet they would have all the answers he needs right now.
God bless you Jeanie and please take good care of you too. You may not know it but, our caregivers in times like this are our rocks...our safe port in the storm that seems to have no end. Love and hugs to you and yours. Sherry

[Jim Scott]

KenJen:

I was so sorry to read about your husband's post-op depresson.  For what it's worth, and I hope it's worth a lot, please know that both of you have our collective support.  I trust you will talk to his physician about this development (as most of the folks here have already advised).

Although I had an excellent recovery and never became cliinically depressed, I did get even more impatient and 'crabby' than usual both before and after my AN surgery.  I'm certain this was in large part due to both the losses all AN patients incur and the more male-specific loss of 'control'.   I'm fairly controlling.  Not of others (that never works) but of my own life, as far as that is possible.  Once I was diagnosed, I felt as if I was on a medical roller-coaster and had little 'control' over anything.  Doctors, lab technicians and hospital staff told me what to do.  My once-pleasant, 'normal' life seemed to be over.  I (uncharacteristically) did what I was told because I felt that I had to do whatever was necessary to get well.  I did. but, except for choosing my neurosurgeon, (exerting control) I hated the whole experience. 

Post-op, I still resented the fact that I couldn't do some of the mundane things I used to do around the house.  I also resisted my somewhat over-supportive wife's assumption of certain physical 'jobs' that I used to do, even though she was doing them out of love and concern for me.  I got so unpleasant about it that we finally talked it out and she agreed to 'allow' me to do most, if not all, of the household chores I used to do, which I needed to do in order to help me feel 'normal' again.  Once I was given the O.K. to drive again (by my doctor), things got better.    I still can be 'touchy' on occasion but I'm hardly depressed.  Of course, a rapid recovery has that effect.   Still, like your husband, I have suffered a loss....of my once-excellent hearing and some other abilities.  My balance is pretty good but not 'normal', as yet.  I'm working on that.   Maybe Ken just needs to get stronger and have some realistic recovery goals to distract him from dwelling on what he can't do or whatever physical function he has lost, even temporarily.

Time is a friend of the post-op AN patient.  I learned that from this site.   Tell Ken.  It's true.   

I wish you and your husband the best and I pray that his mental outlook will improve as his physical condition improves, which it will.


Jim