So the good news is that I went for my 1 year anniversary post surgery MRI. Great news! All clear and released for two years!! 1 week after that, I received my labs from the MRI from the radiologist. Just out of curiosity I opened to only to read that he noted a 1MM area on the other side that may be a swannoma. Needless to say, I freaked! I read and re-read the report, emailed it to my doctor and held my breath. The doctor says that radiologists have a tendency to "over-read" these reports so as not to be found guilty of missing something. In any case, I will have to wait at least a year before I can find out whether it is anything or not.
So I have to admit, I fell apart. The past 18 months have been a true journey for me, and not an easy one. My first reaction was," I can not go through this again!" I have always thought that I was fortunate to work for my best friend, however, when I chose to confide this to her, her reaction was not what I expected. Her words were that I cannot continue to live everyday with this hanging over my Head, sorry for the pun!
She says that she sees a difference in my demeanor, a worried, scared component to my personality that says that I am not handling my post surgery life very well. She suggested that I seek counseling. I am just not sure how I feel about this.
I am different. I have difficulties doing some things. But these are not things that anyone can see. they are known only to me. I do look at some things in my life differently, but not tragically or with melancholy. I am also not naive enough to think that I could not maybe possibly grow another one. And it is true that this scares me.
So I am wondering, should I consider counseling? Or does she just want the old me back, the one where no problem ever got in the way of work?
