To All the Newbies,
You are probably confused with your new diagnosis, fear not! You have the power to overcome this! This is only one tiny challenge in your life! You have to slow down, and deal with it.
Whatever you do, don't panic! The power to overcome this feeling of awkwardness was always within your grasp! You may have symptoms....
It all starts with you, well before surgery or radiation. It begins (at least for me) with naming your AN thereby making it smaller, or objectifying it (in your minds eye) warning: if you name it a cute name you might end up feeling guilty at delivering the lethal dose of radiation or having it removed. You must give it a loathsome name. Mine was Irving I had it it subtotally removed at the same time preserving a tiny bit covering my facial nerve in 2004. At the time, because I had it cut back, I called it "Ir". Then in 2011, it grew back it became "Irv". Without getting personal I know there are people called Irving out there. I mean no offense. It's just that I didn't want to like my AN. I treated it like an unwanted enemy! On June 11th, 2012, I decided to give it one shot of Gamma Knife (12GY) radiation. I am happy to say that it is definitely dead and now I call it "DEAD IRV"!
Does anyone remember Krazy Kat? It was an old black and white cartoon with it's main character being the Krazy Kat with a rodent by the name of Ignatz who threw bricks at the head of the main character (nice imagery isn't it) only there was one problem with that when cut down "Ignatz" becomes "Iggy" that is a cutesy name. Who could fantasize about giving "Iggy" a fatal dose of anything? and so I named my acoustic neuroma "Irving".
I went for many months without treatment in 2004.....One may even say I was obsessed about it, but through this objectification and alienization of something so intimate to me as to be a part of my own body. It was my way of coping....
I wish to say before I end that I wish you well as you begin your long journey now that you have discovered that you may have an AN. This is but one way of coping (developing a coping mechanism) there are others.
This was my way of shrinking my tumor before physically having it removed and then radiating it.
In my case, the end of "Irv" justified the means.
One thing is clear, it is NOT your friend! At most your AN rides along taking up valuable time robbing you of your resources!
If you are here, think on this!
This is a retold story but one that bears repeating!
Good luck, being prayerful and meditating helps immensely!!
Mike
