Hi Monie,
I feel for you, I stilll remmemmber what it was like for the first months after diagnosis. For me the first three months were the worst. Frantic in fact. Not knowing was the worst aspect of it all. But things settle, they really do. Hard to imagine right now I'm sure, but they will.
Thankfully the vertigo I had was only short lived and a few years before the diagnosis. Thing about it it'll settle, or it should anyway. Once your brain adjust to the impaired balance, all will return to 'normal'. Sure hope so, it isn't a nice t to have from the AN.
As for support, yes, it isn't easy to realise that people that should be close and caring, are either careless, or just as scared, or find it hard to think of a right thing to say. My entire family offered no support at all, friends vanished... Only support I got was from my partner and from friends on AN boards. One thing I would say about this, it is very difficult for anybody to understand. I know that people should be supportive anyway, unconditionally. But often the easiest option for them is to say 'get on with it'. I'm not sure how you can deal with that, other than finding support where you can get it and rely on that.
It is difficult to be yourself with something like this on your mind all the time. The best you can do right now is go with it, think about it as much as you need to, think about yourself, ask for help with everything else, find out as much as you need to find out. Soon you'll find that the 'frantic' stage will give way to a more relaxed pace, things will be a bit more 'normal'. If you're a go go person, that'll serve you well with this. It's the kind of attitude to have with this kind of situation. I have no doubt whatsoever that you will find your way of being again, just give yourself the time to do it.
Now, for your questions:
1. Smoke: Never, not my own smoke anyway, other people's yes.
2. Drink: glass of wine most days
3. Have experience with other benign tumors? No.
4. Experience high level stress on a daily basis: yes. particularly 15 years ago when this AN started to grow I would think.
5. Do a lot of flying: No, maybe once or twice a year
I hope any of this helps. Know that you're not alone in this, we all had our own sets of fears and worries and panics. We may be all different, but at least we know what we all have to go through.
Keep your go go attitude, it is still there! By being here it shows me that you have the initiative!
Ciao,
Lorenzo