Post Op Scar : social aspect of AN surgery

[pejavar]

How do you answer if people meet  you and ask " whats happened , there seems to be scar near your right ear on the stretch of head " ? Post Op , the scar left behind is a reminder of what you went through on the day of surgery ...how many of you have a strange numbeness in the stiches area and there is less hair growth around the line , How do you get over the social aspect of the AN surgery , Isnt it difficult to explain the scar , Bells palsy , Your walk like a drunkard , your crooked smile , etc .

[marie]

     I just explained that I had surgery for a tumor on the hearing nerve, which affected the balance nerve.   The seventh nerve  was involved, which caused the Bell's palsy.  The numbness will eventually go away.  I was also 30 years old when I had my surgery.  I will be 68 next month and have had a good life.  I had to quit teaching because I lost my strong voice during the surgery.  I manage my own rental property by myself since my husband passed away.  I'm still strong and healthy.  The only thing I won't do anymore is climb high up on a ladder.

[DeniseSmith]

Hi, my hair is long enough you can't see my scar, and if anyone is rude enough to ask me "What happened to you?"  I tell them nothing, as it's none of their business.  My close personal friends and coworkers already know, so its no one else's business.    

[sirialison]

I've always had a super short hair style (shorter than a lot of men's AND shorter than my 15 yr. old son's!) so not having the hair grow back hasn't really been an issue for me. When my hair grew back to "normal" after the  surgery, and my husband saw that the scar wasn't covered, HE was a bit uncomfortable so I let my hair grow out a bit and then just brushed is over to cover the scar. However, THAT just about drove me crazy so I cut it back to how I like it and now I just let the scar show in all it's glory! Visually (aesthetically) it doesn't bother me since it's in the back of my head and I can't see it!

Since it was winter when I had the surgery and I live in NW MN - I wore a lot of hats, hoods, etc. at first because I thought the incision line was more disturbing to others - then I got tired of THAT - so I just went "commando." I am fortunate (depending on how you look at it somedays  ) that I live in a fairly small community (approx. 8,000 residents) and news travels fast - pretty much everyone knew I had some kind of brain tumor! Most folks are polite and seem to ignore the scar or have gotten used to it  - if people ask nicely, I just tell them I had brain surgery  , and if they are rude - well...how I react just depends on my mood! I try for the most part to anticpate a person's reaction and "help" them out before they are compelled to ask! I do this especially with younger kids because I know they are curious and/or I don't want them to be frightened by me (or the back of my head!)

I DO need to confess that I have taken (more often than not) guiity pleasure - sometimes downright glee -  in knowing that sometimes when a person is behind me in a check-out line or at a restaurant or is sitting behind me in a movie - they might be wondering WHY I have that big old scar, what kind of trauma did she have? (there are days I can just feel all the coming at me)  and I just sit there and smile and say to myself "I've got a secret! I'm not telling!"

As far as the numbbness goes - the sensation in my scalp is getting better all the time. It doesn't tingle so much anymore and most of the "too tight ponytail" feeling is gone. Some days the whole area itches insanely but I just scratch it, try to take my mind off of it and remind myself that I am still healing and the nerves are regenerating, etc., etc.

I suppose some of how you cope with the realities of AN  is how you choose to cope! My family and I have used a lot of "tumor humor" - some appropriate - a lot of it NOT, I've had my share of pity parties and anti-social moments and time has helped, too!

[lynndlk]

I tell them "I had brain surgery this summer to have a tumor removed, now I'm deaf in one ear and can't hear well out of the other" Then ask "And what happened to you over the summer"? 
My family, friends and close co-workers know what happened, and then giggle when I give my statement.
LynnDee

[stein78]

I also have a short hair style, so the scar is easy to see most of the time.  When it's time for a hair cut you can't see it as well, but it's still there if you look for it.  I love it when people ask me about it, it's a great conversation piece.  The look on their face when you say "I had brain surgery back in May" and then their jaw drops to the floor is priceless.  I guess you can say show my scar with pride.    My co-workers always look for the scar before they start talking to me, if they don't see it, they know they are on my good side.

I plan to get a hair cut tomorrow, I'll have my wife take a pic of the side of my head, I'm about 6 months post-op.

Jason

[Kathleen_Mc]

How I replied varies on who the person is and how they ask or the look on thier face when I catch them starring or if they look away when caught and also how old they are...child or adult....and then my mood. I can choose to be very polite and nice and explain about "the bump in my ear", I can ignore them, I can say "it's none of you business" or "I don't want to talk about it" or I've also been known to loud snap "what the matter, never seen someone who's been attacked with a axe before?" Time will help you to cope with this in your own way, the way you are comfortable, it doesn't matter if everyone else is comfortable. 15 years after my orginal surgery I still do no grown hair on the incision line and it remains numb, when I choose to have a very short hair cut and it can be seen I don't even think about it, people might point out to me "you go your hair too short, we can see the scar" and to them I say "I don't care" and I truely don't, mind you 15 years ago I did, I had great difficulty with loosing my hair and the change that came about in my appearance....but over time and maturity I realise looks aren't what it's all about in the end anyway. Kathleen

[Joef]

I can't wait until I get the BAHA ... and tell people its a new cell phone .. you can get it implanted now!  ;-)

[stein78]

Just got back from the barber.  Showing my scar with pride!  ;D  No comments on my fat face...I've put on a little weight lately..hehe.