My Re-birthday

[fbarbera]

All:

One year ago today, I received the fateful call that we all have received at some point or another.  I learned the news of my diagnosis on an otherwise ordinary day at work, and as many of you might recall from your own experience, my life was thrown into chaos as I grappled with the shock and figure out how to treat my tumor.   Now it is a year later, and I am leading a full and normal life again.   But I am a changed person.

As I reflect this morning on this incredible journey, this experience that I never wanted but that has been given to me by a power beyond myself, I know I have received great benefits and blessings.  Character is everything in this life and before I was diagnosed, mine was lacking.  I was not living with courage and power and determination.  My desire was to lead an inspired, value-filled life filled with love, helping others, improving the world.  Yet I did not have the inner resolve to realize my visions.  I was hating myself, lacking in confidence, unable to advance towards a better life.  I was wasting time. 

This experience has brought me closer than I ever wanted to my own mortality, to the frailty and fragility of my life.  In the months since treatment, I would fall at times into despair and darkness, and I realized then that more than my body, it was my spirit that needed healing.  And I have begun that healing process.  I am working now to fashion a life for myself that is in line with my values, with what I care about and what is important to me.  And the fact that I am doing this while living with uncomfortable sensations in my head, with some dizziness, with less energy than I otherwise might have -- well, pressing forward in the face of these symptoms has given me gifts I never anticipated:  grit, fortitude, compassion, inner strength and resolve, the determination to use my time to contribute my gifts to our ailing world.

Last night, I read these words in an essay by Diasaku Ikeda, a Buddhist educator:

How can we make the most of this precious day that will never come again?
For what purpose will we use our precious lives in this existence?

Well, I am not entirely sure yet, but thanks in part to this journey that we are on, I ask myself these questions all the time now.

I want to thank each of you for helping me on my journey and for sharing yours with me, and I wish you all continued health, strength, wellness and good fortune.

Francesco

[Jim Scott]

Francesco:

Thank you for that post.  'Inspiring' seems inadequate to describe it.  That your AN experience has served to motivate you to fulfill your desire to live a more productive, spiritual life is testament to not only your own strength of character but the possibilities inherent in dealing with adversity.  Some simply succumb to despair and bitterness but some use the adversity to not only surmount it but rise to greater heights of self-fulfillment that is found in service to others.  You are definitely in the latter group.  I'm grateful for your presence on this forum and for your words of inspiration and insight.  They are greatly appreciated.  May your healing and personal growth continue apace.  Happy Birthday. 

Jim

[sgerrard]

A silver lining!

Thanks for the post, Francesco, it was nicely put. The idea that life is better after AN has come up before, and I think many find it to be true. We are more open to the lives of others around us, and less likely to notice the minor imperfections we all have. We better appreciate all the good things that life has to offer, and are more willing to offer back whatever we can.

Steve

[leapyrtwins]

This experience has brought me closer than I ever wanted to my own mortality, to the frailty and fragility of my life. 

Francesco -

I couldn't have said it any better myself.  I had the very same thought just this morning and it helped me gain a very clear picture of where I want to go in my life and the legacy I want to leave behind.

Thanks for a beautifully worded post and Happy Re-birthday 

Jan   

[wendysig]

Francesco,
I could not have said it better myself!  Although in a way I am still at the beginning of this journey since I haven't yet had surgery -- I am scheduled for translab this coming Friday, my AN has made me take a new look at my life and priorities.  I have many plans for the future that have become more concrete that  I have only daydreamed about before and have re-learned to appreciate the little things in life that truly give it meaning.  This experience stinks in many ways but for some of us, it helps us find the silver linings ilife has to offer.  In a strange way I'm grateful for that.

Wendy

[calimama]

Thanks Francesco for sharing your experiences and changes at the one year point (and getting there). It is important to look for silver linings, to shares these, and be grateful. Here's wishing you more inspired days.

Thanks!