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Author Topic: Emotions ALL OVER the map!  (Read 3018 times)

DLM4me

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Re: Emotions ALL OVER the map!
« Reply #15 on: April 06, 2009, 07:43:55 pm »
Again, I'm so thankful for the thoughtful and calming replies.

Brian, thanks for sharing what you went through pre-op.  We definitely sound a lot alike.  Until illness forced me to stop working and go on SSDI, I had been a UNIX/Linux programmer and sysadmin since circa 1986.  It was challenging, meticulous work where errors simply COULD NOT happen.  And I loved it!  To think that anything could happen that would make me less able to function...it's just terrifying.

My husband is here; he arrived very early yesterday morning.  I think it's been quite strange for him seeing me spontaneously bursting into tears, since he's so accustomed to me approaching surgery like it's no big deal.  But he gets it.
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Middle fossa craniotomy 04/08/09, Drs Brackmann, Schwartz, et al, St Vincent/HEI in Los Angeles.

Pooter

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Re: Emotions ALL OVER the map!
« Reply #16 on: April 07, 2009, 10:04:28 am »
DLM4me,

You're most welcome.  Like many others here, my life is pretty much an open book when it comes to my AN.  I see no harm in sharing that with anyone who is interested because it can only help others who are going through very similar situations.  Like you, I've been into computers for a LONG time.  At the time of diagnosis, I was a Manager of the internal IT Department with 4 total of us taking care of 200+ users, 15 or so servers (both Windows 2000/2003 and virtual ones) and several terabytes of data storage space.  We had a SQL server, RightFax, phone system, backup, crystal reports, Citrix, etc..  For such a small shop, our IT was very advanced..  Like in your case, errors couldn't be tolerated.  We had to be on our game mentally all of the time.  Our company was doing something (even if not officially open) 7 days a week.  I understand about it being terrifying.  That was (is) my livlihood..  It's all I've ever known (been around computers since before they were commonplace in the home).  The AN diagnosis threatened the very heart of my professional life.

I'm still somewhat with the same company (read here for my trials and tribulations with my job; NOT AN related).  And, the good news is that I've done more of that type of work in the past few months than I've done ever.  What I used to have a total of 4 people doing, I'm doing all by myself now.  I can't say that surgery and the AN hasn't had an affect on my work, but it hasn't stopped me.

I trust that you'll find the same thing happen for you; while things may be a bit different for awhile, you'll be back to doing programming and sysadmin work just like you always have.

PM me if you want..  Ask any question here on the forum or in PM.  Chances are that someone will "get it" and have been there, done that and have something to share.

Regards,
Brian
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Diagnosed 4/10/08 - 3cm Right AN
12hr retrosig 5/8/08 w/Drs Vrabec and Trask in Houston, Tx
Some facial paralysis post-op but most movement is back, some tinitus.  SSD on right.
Story documented here:  http://briansbrainbooger.blogspot.com/

"I must be having fun all wrong!"  - Roger Creager

NancyMc

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Re: Emotions ALL OVER the map!
« Reply #17 on: April 07, 2009, 10:42:29 am »
DLM4me,
Good luck tomorrow.  Remember, I'm just a few hours ahead of you.  See you in postieland!
nANcy
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Watch and Wait since 9/19/01
Increased from 1.1 x 1.9 to 1.9 x 1.9 cm as of 10/27/08
Right SSD, tinnitus, compensating balance
Dr. McKenna at Mass Eye and Ear and Dr. Barker at MGH
Translab April 8, 9 hours, 18 mm Tumor all gone SSD some facial weakness

Debbi

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Re: Emotions ALL OVER the map!
« Reply #18 on: April 07, 2009, 04:44:01 pm »
Hi LDM4me-

Tomorrow is the day - and I think we all know what you are going through right now.  I hope that you have some moments of peace today.  Funny, but I don't think I cried more than once after I was diagnosed - but I micro-managed the Heck out of everything and everyone around me!  It's actually quite funny now that I look back (from a safe distance) on it, but at the time I am sure it was difficult for eveyrone in my life.  For some reason, I felt that if I controlled every nuance of the experience up to and after the surgery, it would be okay - consequently I made lists of lists, and timetables, and instructions - oy vey! 

At least you know what to expect from surgery - you'll take a few deep breaths and then you'll wake up a numbe rof hours later and it will be over.  Well, at least that part will be over!  ;)  I the meantime, cry, laugh, do whatever you have to do to feel a bit better.  There's no shame in any of it, believe me.

Debbi, cheering you on from NJ
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Debbi - diagnosed March 4, 2008 
2.4 cm Right Side AN
Translab April 30, 2008 at NYU with Drs. Golfinos and Roland
SSD Right ear, Mild synkinesis and facial nerve damage
BAHA "installed" Feb 2011 by Dr. Cosetti @ NYU

http://debsanadventure.blogspot.com

wendysig

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Re: Emotions ALL OVER the map!
« Reply #19 on: April 07, 2009, 05:12:42 pm »
Having emotions all over the maps is about right.  The week before my surgery I felt mostly at peace with it, but when something didn't go as planned that week, I freaked out a little.  Like Debbi, I felt if I could control everything eles, I would be okay in the end.  I was and you will be too.  Sending good vibes and prayers for a great surgical outcome.

Wendy
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1.3 cm at time of diagnosis -  April 9, 2008
2 cm at time of surgery
SSD right side translabyrinthine July 25, 2008
Mt. Sinai Hospital, New York, NY
Extremely grateful for the wonderful Dr. Choe & Dr. Chen
BAHA surgery 1/5/09
Doing great!

DLM4me

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Re: Emotions ALL OVER the map!
« Reply #20 on: April 07, 2009, 09:15:51 pm »
We've been out almost all day (since VERY early), so I'm just now checking in.  I posted on the surgical board about what we did today, so I won't repeat that here.  I just want to say that I'm ready for the surgery and looking forward to being a postie.  Hopefully, a postie WITH some hearing left in the affected ear!

Nancy, I wish you so much good luck and good thoughts for tomorrow.  We'll muddle through the post-op period together, virtually anyway. :)

Brian, I'd love to talk shop with you after it's all said and done.  I LOVE computing and am so glad I fell into it (I was heading for medical school but decided to "take some time off" first.   The rest is history).  We'll talk when I get back!

THANK YOU all so much.  You're just the best.
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Middle fossa craniotomy 04/08/09, Drs Brackmann, Schwartz, et al, St Vincent/HEI in Los Angeles.

DLM4me

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Re: Emotions ALL OVER the map!
« Reply #21 on: April 07, 2009, 09:17:28 pm »
Forgot to mention: Nancy (NL) will be talking to my husband and will post updates.  (Thanks, Nancy!)
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Middle fossa craniotomy 04/08/09, Drs Brackmann, Schwartz, et al, St Vincent/HEI in Los Angeles.
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