needing more strength...

[sgerrard]

So rather than try to find everything I have "lost"  I need to begin to "gain" what I did not have before.

Nicely said, and not sappy at all.

Growing mangos on a farm in the Colombian coffee region sounds way better than my job these days. Can I come too? 

Steve

[Denise S]

Hi Kay, I have to say I've done a lot of reading on this site, Facebook, and other sites and have found many of us need extra strength and in varying ways and for varying reasons.

I just wanted to throw out another option that I chose to do a little over 2 months post surgery.   That was to see a counselor/pshycologist.  Didn't care to tell everyone that in the beginning, but WOW, it sure has helped me GREATLY.   I have one of the GREATEST husbands that seems understanding & sympathetic, etc.  But, I had read a few posts were people seeked other sources almost a year later after getting really depressed over stuff and wished they had done it sooner.     

Part of my problem may have been similar to yours with the fact that I live in Michigan and my surgery was a week after yours.   Once this lovely winter hit, you just couldn't head out for a walk by yourself, or just enjoy some warmth.  There is the theory of winter blues too, but I never had that before.   This year our bodies are going through a major change post surgery too.   

Anyways, as for the thought of seeking outside help, it feels great to 'bounce' things off someone else.    And once I was down about my SSD, she reminded me that I have been researching my options to help with that, etc, so don't give up.   I never really thought of it the way she put it.      I feel I am a better person at home with my husband and children too.

Also, as for your facial stuff, I have read many things on here where people have changes later.   Even another member Debi seeked out another type of help after dealing with facial stuff after  about 1 1/2 yrs.  Sounds like it may be helping.   Here is her blog:   debsanadventure.blogspot.com   Might be some encouragement.

Take care and sure we'll be much better once this snow is gone too 

Denise

[Denise S]

Kay,
Well, as I was going through more posts just now and checking in on Debs trip, I seen your post on there too and you commented on her blog.   So, anyways, glad to hear her progress and that you are checking into things too.    Just not giving up is something too that can give us STRENGTH.....there can be options.

[mimoore]

My heart goes out to you Kay. I DO understand! I have not had a chance to read your whole thread but I will. PM me anytime. As you can read from my signature I was not prepared for facial paralysis and it hit me hard and I think our husbands must be brothers.
I am here for you if you want to talk. I am almost 2 years post op 9 wow hard to believe).
Hugs Michelle 

[Debbi]

Hi Kay-

I just wanted to say that you really hit the nail square on the head when you very eloquently said:

Anyway, I had a thought on my way back that I wanted to share.  Because it is helping me stay full of hope.  I have been looking at my recovery as a journey back to my former self.  And if i don't ever get back to my old self, I would be less of the person I once was.  I have to change that mindset.  This journey back will take me to places where I am more of what I once was.  So rather than try to find everything I have "lost"  I need to begin to "gain" what I did not have before.

Your perspective is right on spot and something that many of us have struggled with.  Bravo and thank you!

Debbi

[calimama]

Hi Kaybee...

I just want to throw a bit more support behind you. I dont get on here so much anymore (although a bit more since i got a netbook for cmas), as i had twins last July... just over 11 months after my surgery.

I too had full paralysis that seemed to last forever, but looking back time flies. I think i started to have some recovery around 7 months, which i think is fairly typical here. I am not yet -my old self- as you put it, but then again, life doesnt really work like that. Everything that happens to us, changes us, some for the better, some not. You have been through too much not to be changed, at least on the inside. The outside does take time. A good attitude (positive, grateful, hopeful, thoughtful) and a supportive network (partner, family, friends, work) will take you a long way. The rest is really up to you.

I have had a good recovery at this point (if you dont count that my eye does not tear or blink, which i have learned to live with and many do) and continue to improve everyday, i think. I am happy with my outcome, even if i didnt expect to have the troubles i did, and am not 100%. I would say i am a good 80% and counting. If you can give it a few more months (and really, you have already come through the toughest parts -- the diagnosis, decision making, surgery, and first few rough months)... i am sure you will find that things will get better by the month, if not the week. Hopefully spring comes early to where you are, and you can get out and enjoy the sun, fresh air and wonders of spring.

My hubbie too is from Colombia and was an angel and rock for me through all this. I was 38 when i was diagnosed and just turned 41 this month.  Oh and we only just got married when i was 37!

You really can do this.  Remember, you have a condition that gets a little better everyday, and you have done a lot of the hardwork already. Hang in there.

best,
Trish

ourself a pat on the back and hang in there.