Breaking the news

[tigermouth]

To make this long story short:  waiting for my 2nd MRI next week (with contrast) to rule out an AN because my 1st MRI (without contrast) showed an area of decreased signal in my right IAC.  My symptoms of facial numbness and tingling started in January, followed by tinnitus, ear pain, and fullness.  I have some high-frequency hearing loss in my right ear but perfect speech recognition (proof my kids do mumble).  I’m not sure if I am experiencing balance issues because I have no problem while on my feet but fall off my mountain bike sometimes (but then maybe I just don’t have mad mountain biking skilz!!) I’ve been told my symptoms are due to my thyroid or a migraine, or even wax build up in my ear.  And perhaps the Drs are right but the closer I get to my MRI next week, the more anxiety I feel (I’m in the Navy and the hospital I work at only sees active duty for the MRI with a month waiting list!). 

I have spent the last few weeks reading a lot of posts and if I am diagnosed with an AN, I will have the knowledge and experience of everyone here  to help me…..so I’m not too worried because I know life will go on and it will be wonderful.  However, I am experiencing a lot of anxiety because I have not told my boyfriend.  Nothing.  Nada.  He just returned from Afghanistan and is in NC, waiting to move to California in two weeks.  I was going to tell him today when he called, but I chickened out.  I don’t want him to worry but then I don’t want to have to go through this alone.   I will know a few days before he arrives and maybe having an answer will make it easier.  How do did you tell your family and loved ones after you were diagnosed (or even before, if an AN was suspected)? 
I appreciate all the information on these posts and the kindness of everyone.

Laurel

[nanramone]

Hi Laurel,

I hope you will tell your boyfriend, in hope that he will be able to be supportive to you. If your relationship is strong, it will make it even stronger.

I'm a newbie myself, not yet treated, and have found good support on this forum - check back often, and talk to the people here about your fears. It really is important to talk about it. Hopefully they'll find no AN.

Nancy

PS - I held it inside at first, but no everyone knows. It felt better to just tell people.

[epc1970]

Hi Laurel
Telling people is not easy...especially those that love you. I was always careful to emphasize that the tumor is benign , slow growing and most importantly, treatable because I think most people fixate on the brain tumor part and think you have brain cancer which is not the case.

Erin

[kenneth_k]

Breaking news.

In the news business, this is the place to be.
In family matters, things are somewhat more delicate.

In my opinion, you could use some companionship (pls check spelling), and a good choice may be your boyfriend.

Tell him and I hope you will find him very supportive.

Best regards, Kenneth

[sunfish]

I tell people, "OK . . . what I'm about to tell you is NOT LIFE THREATENING, AND IS NOT THE BIG DEAL YOU MIGHT THINK IT IS."  At which point, everybody always start to freak out.  Then I say, "I have a TUMOR.  It IS NOT CANCER. It grows, but it will not spread.  It's small, but it's in a really nasty spot."  Something like that.

Telling my daughter was the hardest, because I knew she would freak out and cry and get hysterical (age 17).  So I worked hard to minimize, prepare her, etc.  And she freaked out and cried and got hysterical anyhow.

Sounds like you're not really sure what's going on with you for sure yet.  But maybe he'll be a good support while you go through the process.

[Jim Scott]

Laurel ~

I certainly hope the MRI doesn't lead to a definite AN diagnosis but your concerns are perfectly normal.  We've all been there.  I know I'm in the minority here but because you haven't informed your friend about your symptoms and the initial, inconclusive MRI, I think it's better to wait until you have the results of the second MRI scan before springing this on him.  If the second MRI doesn't show an acoustic neuroma (or anything else that would explain your symptoms) then there is really nothing to tell him, other than the fact that you have these nagging symptoms and you're trying to find the cause.  However, should the MRI definitely show an acoustic neuroma (or anything else that requires medical intervention) you should tell your friend as soon as possible.  I assume he would want to know.  Besides emphasizing that it's a small, benign tumor, I believe that the manner in which you tell him is crucial to how he'll accept the news.  If you're relaxed but straightforward and don't act weird, frightened or break down in tears, he should accept the news rationally and be ready and willing to support you.  Remember, as long as the AN is addressed, whether by surgery and/or radiation, it is not life-threatening and, as you know, it will not metastasize.  As Nancy ('nanramone')  astutely stated, if your relationship is strong, this experience will only make it stronger, as it did for my marriage, which was pretty darn strong before my AN diagnosis.

I hope and will pray that your second MRI is conclusive, one way or the other, and, should it show an acoustic neuroma is present, you'll be able to deal with it effectively and with the support of your friend.  I also want to thank you - and your boyfriend - for your service to your country.     

Jim     

[leapyrtwins]

What to tell and who to tell are both very personal decisions.

You know your life, your colleagues, your family, etc., better than any of us do.

Go with your "gut".

Jan

[sgerrard]

At this point, I would wait till you have a definite diagnosis. Then tell him about the MRIs, whether you have an AN or not. There is nothing wrong with telling someone that you have "a benign growth on your hearing nerve," which sounds fairly harmless, except for how it affects your hearing. Unless it's the size of a lemon, in which case it doesn't sound quite so harmless, but I'm assuming you don't have one of those.

In any event, Laurel, please come back and let us know how it goes. Welcome to the forum!

Steve

[sunfish]

Wow! Steve! I really like "benign growth on hearing nerve."  I'll use that one, next time this comes up.  Thanks!

[tigermouth]

Thank you everyone for your support.  I am going to wait until my boyfriend comes home before I tell him.  I don't want to have to explain things over the phone or cause him any stress while he drives across the country.  My MRI is Wednesday afternoon and I will be able to get my results Thursday morning.  I will be busy getting things ready for my Marine's homecoming next Friday and I hope that it will take my mind off my AN drama   Thanks again!

Laurel