emotional and just making a mess of things

[laurenfor29]

so i have my surgery schedualed for june28th and preop june 24. i will have the gamma with the fat.. so i will be a fattie.. anyway as you all know some days are good others not so good. i have been so emotional. the anxiety and panic are so easily evoked by the littlest of issues. my husband is great. but as he is working so hard it is not easy for him to handel my tears and attacks. now i am on the outs with my mom.. she is just so hard to talk to, and always has a jab at sam, my husband, to add to any conversation. i asked her to stop she replied that she would think about it,, o.k.  there is much more but u dont need to hear all of this.  so not only that but now i am on the outs with my bff kerry. who is also a stylist in my salon. great.  i guess they didn't get the memo... i need brain surgery and everyone has to be nice to me.. rite. rite.  well i guess i am just boo hoo-ing to you all.  i guess i feel really alone and now everyone is just saying.. u will be all rite.. evertything will be fine,, don't worry.. but the fear is sometime so overpowering,, and the ringging in my ear is just driving me insane.. i am fragile and very easily upset. then i am no good when i get emotional.. i start saying things i don't mean or sometimes that i do mean but some cant handel bluntness.. my i need a psyc  doc?? ugh,, well i have dumped and thank you for listening..

[moe]

Hi Lauren,
The emotions you are experiencing are totally nerve wracking and normal. You'll feel soooo much better when you get the surgery behind you. So yo are having Gamma with the fat? I'm confused.

There is nothing wrong with going to the doc and getting something temporarily to calm your nerves. You are not weak, by any means. It will help you. Staying busy and occupied is important.
People don't know how to respond because they have no idea what you are going through, and maybe don't want to know-too uncomfortable. So they do nothing or say wrong things.

You can come here. We totally understand! I understand the ringing and how crazy it is. You may want to consider ear plugs while blow drying, both ears. The yellow or orange foamy ones.
The more noise that surrounds you will make the tinnitus more intense, I have found.

Hang in there, less than a month
Maureen

[Jim Scott]

Hi, Lauren ~

It's pretty clear from this and your previous posts that you're allowing yourself to become overwrought with worry about your upcoming AN surgery.  I'm sorry to learn about this and, frankly, I'm not quite sure how to address it.  I certainly won't offer you smiley-face bromides but I will remind you that the majority of AN surgery patients do O.K. and their life is not automatically devastated as a result of the surgery.  However, as you well know, there are some risks involved and yes, there could be some complications. The reality is that no one can guarantee the outcome but the necessity of the surgery is not debatable.  If you have full confidence with your doctor(s) and understand the procedure going in, that helps.  You may wish to have a consult with your doctor to ask some pertinent questions.  Most AN patients find that understanding the procedure they'll be having and feeling confident about their doctor's skill reduces the inevitable stress involved when facing AN surgery.

Your family, co-workers and friends need to understand that this is a serious operation, not elective and certainly not minor, such as having your tonsils or appendix removed.  Unfortunately, in the majority of cases, family, co-workers and friends don't 'get it' and their sympathy is either short-lived or non-existent.  This is really unfortunate and can make recovery much harder but we cannot control what other people think, say or do and the best course is usually to be your own best friend, lean on those who are willing to support you and of course, know that you'll get past this episode in your life and that you have a host of friends that you've never met 'in person' right here - ready and willing to help, encourage and support you in whatever way we can. I'm one of them - and there are many others.  We've all been through some version of what you're dealing with.  Although my surgery (and subsequent radiation treatment) occurred almost four yeas ago, it remains quite vivid in my memory.  I did great, by the way.  No complications and a good recovery.  That happens to a lot of AN patients - and I'm anticipating it happening for you.  Really.  So, try to see yourself getting through this in good shape, because it's a good bet that you will.

Incidentally, venting ('boo hoo-ing') is allowed here.  No need to apologize.  If you can't unload here, then where?  

Jim    

[laurenfor29]

wow thanks.. i needed the pep talk.. and my surgery is a translab not an gamma.. not only do i have a tumor but i am blond.. bad combo.. i would post a pic but i haven't figured it out yet.. lol.. so yes i am medicated with anxeity meds. i don't take them all the time, just when needed.. good and bad days.. so again thanks to all for the support this is just what i needed

[iluuvpups]

Hi.  My translab is a week from today and I too am an emotional mess.  I've never been so afraid in my life.  The anxiety is eating away at me.  So I can totally relate.  You should feel comfortable venting here.  As someone else said.  If not here, then where.  Good luck to you!  We're all gonna be ok.  --Carol Ann

[Cheryl R]

Yes, you will be ok!     For a couple weeks post op you may think you are going to feel not right ever again but it does get better!
The wait ahead is a very hard time!       I feel for all those who are awaiting their surgery as know too much what it does feel like!
                                                   Cheryl R

[moe]

I had translab, and headaches usually aren't a concern, as compared to retro approach. I had short lived headaches post op.

As we say the first 3 days don't count. You won't feel too whippy.Try to sleep through what you can between the hourly neuro checks Ask for whatever pain med they will give you within reason if you need it. Anti nausea meds help to sedate, also. The nurses and doctors are top notch and know what they are doing, so put your faith in them and your God. I had every person I knew saying prayers for me that day. Let people know. Hey, I'm having brain surgery on ......... so keep me in your prayers! You'll wake up and be euphoric, "I survived brain surgery!"

You will slowly feel better as the days go on.

One thing about surgery is they give you that lovely sedation into the IV and then you wake up! If you've ever had surgery before, it is instantenous. It's the weirdest thing.

Calming thoughts to both of you Carol Ann and  Lauren,
Maureen

[wendysig]

Lauren,

As everyone else has said, it is normal to be on an emotional rollercoaster right now.  The AN diagnosis can be frightening and most people will have a hard time empathizing because they can't see what is wrong with you.  This  really stinks, because you need emotional support right now -- but you do have us and we are here for you.  Hopefully your mom will see how much you need her and come around.  I don't know why you and your friend Kerry are not speaking, but hopefully she will too.  Feel free to cry on our collective shoulders anytime you need to.  Just a suggestion, but maybe your doc could prescribe some Valium or Xanax.  If you feel like you need professional help for your anxiety, get it.  It would be more of a shame not to.  Hang in and let us know how you are.

Hugs,

Wendy

[Lizard]

Lauren,
I too took anxiety pills before the surgery, its tough to cope with daily life when all you can think about is that booger.  Hang in there, you're almost to the finish line.  Try to enjoy this last month, go out and spend time doing things that you love. 

Take care,
Liz

[jennifer7]

I was taking anxiety meds quite regularly before surgery, I also started smoking again--would not recommend that, but for me it helped and after surgery the "need" went away.  Once the surgery date was scheduled I stopped doing searches on the internet, I read what ana has available and asked the dr questions but the searches made me more nervous so they had to stop. 
Try different things to find what works for you and concentrate on the little joys that come each day. 
Take it one day or moment at a time, this time will pass and be a distant memory someday soon
Jennifer

[jaylogs]

Yup, only those who have been through this whole process can truly understand what you are going through, both pre AND post op.  Which is pretty important for you to get a support system that you know will help you, as depending on your recovery, combined with all the meds you'll be taking, you'll be going through different emotional coaster turns post op, if only in short term.  And if that means dumping it out all on here, so be it...i'll listen!   Oh, and I know that mother thing you are talking about, we could start up a whole new forum on things like that!   So just take it easy, breathe easy...

one thing I just thought of though...On days that I would feel more anxious before my surgery, i'd go work out....I am not sure if that's possible for you, but even walking is a good thing for the whole mind AND body.  Or get involved in doing something you like, hobby-wise...something that takes your mind off this stuff....just a thought...good luck and let us know how you are doing, ok?
Jay

[Vtech]

I can ceretainly relate. My family and friends also say it will be fine. It's not a big deal... blah blah blah. Easy to say when it's not growing in their heads. They don't really understand why i am scared and I cry at the drop of a hat when i talk about it. I guess that is why i am so thankful to have found this group of people for support.

Laurie

[bell]

Laurie:
Prayers and hugs to you as you go through surgery.  It is scary but all will go well.  It is ok to vent and here is the best place.  It is here that everyone knows what you are going through.  I do get depressed occasionally that me recovery  has taken so long but I know it will get better, it has to. I think I am finally on the up mend.
Slow down to enjoy the things today.  Don't worry about the little things cleaning, shopping...spend time doing the things that matter to you or the things that you enjoy the most. Good Luck
Bell