Soundy ~
My wife experienced a difficult, abbreviated childhood somewhat similar to yours (mentally challenged sibling and 7 other kids in the family that she was responsible for most of the time) but eventually decided to let it go and focus on her life, now. She's been doing that for most of our marriage (almost 40 years). Of course, no one can simply 'forget' about the hard, sad parts of a childhood. My wife hasn't. She remembers but simply refuses to dwell on those things and considers them so distant and so overwhelmed by the many joys in her life since then, that they no longer have any real effect on her. Her mother died of cancer in 1982. We attended the funeral, of course, but my wife's older sister (since deceased) started a fight with her over who sat where in the limousine that drove them from the church to the cemetery (I followed in our car). She left the cemetery in tears - and not only over the loss of her mother, with whom she had, shall we say, a tenuous relationship that she always wished could have been better. I'm pleased to learn that you had the opportunity to restore your relationship with your mother.
I appreciate your candor in explaining your feelings as your mother, through a horrendous combination of events (identity theft leading to loss of medical coverage) faces a terminal situation, with, as you noted, grace and bravery. Her request that you handle the family and the final disposition of her ashes is a clear indication that, indeed, your relationship with your mother has definitely been restored. That being the case, I can understand your sorrow as you face the reality that your time with your mother is rapidly drawing to a premature end. You and your mother will be in my prayers.
On a brighter note, I'm glad you got to hear from your son in Iraq. Like most Americans, I give our military men and women the greatest respect and hope your son will stay safe over there.
Jim
