Hey justjohn85,
I am just over 4 years post-op. Let me tell you something that I have learned over those four years - we see ourselves much differently - and more harshly - than others do.
In an interactive situation, people don't look at us the same way they look at a photograph. They are focusing on our eyes and our mannerisms, not on our mouth (unless they are deaf and have to lip-read) or cheeks and not at the whole face. I know for a fact that my mouth is not symmetrical when I talk. However a couple of weeks ago during a conversation with a woman (who also happens to be a nurse) at church, she said, "Sara, isn't it just wonderful that you have had a full recovery?" A hundred responses raced through my mind, none of which was to agree with her. However my fine polite-at-all-cost training kicked in and I said something like "I am certainly thankful for the recovery I have been blessed with." But you know what? She truly sees me as fully recovered.
I'm sure you have also heard the expression, "We are our own worst critic." My older daughter took a picture of my younger daughter and me when we came to visit her in Vietnam last Christmas. I hate it. I think I look like a dweeb. I see a crooked smile and a flat nostril and uneven eyebrows and all sorts of other imperfections. When I asked my daughter not to post it on Facebook, she said, "Really? It's one of my favorite pictures of you. Look how pretty and happy you are." I let her post it.
Have you ever heard of Shelby Dressel? She was born with an underdeveloped facial nerve on the right side. She sings with her own band and competed on American Idol, making it to the top 50. Simon Cowell thought it was a mistake that she was sent home and Ellen DeGeneres invited her to perform on her show. Like Kaybo, I am attuned to facial weakness, but when I see Shelby perform, I am blown away by her talent, not her appearance. Here is a link to her YouTube page:
http://www.youtube.com/user/shelbydresselAnyway, I bet that each guy in that picture could look at it and pick out something wrong with his appearance. I also bet they look at you and see the whole justjohn, their friend, not just your face.
How long has it been since you last saw your surgeon? He or she should be able to answer your question about how long it should be taking. There are tests to determine how your nerve impulses are firing. There are also physical therapists and facial retrainers that can help to improve appearance.
Finally, I want to say something about your final sentence where you say that you look like a misshapen freak who shouldn't even be allowed outside. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, because I don't mean to, but you need to get over that. Life is so much more enjoyable when your focus is outward instead of inward. It sounds like you may be depressed, which is understandable and treatable.
I wish you all the best and will keep checking back about your progress.
