Compassion

[SDTom]

Hi,
This was not my strong suit prior to surgery and it seems worse rather than better. It seems that if someone has legitimate but minor health complaint I find myself thinking "I wish that was the only problem I had". Is there a way I can look at things a little differently and feel for my fellow man?
Tom

[Echo]

I try to focus on the positive things in my life.  On the tough days, I remind myself that there are many others (including children) who are far worse off than me with greater struggles. 

Sometimes it's a matter of adjusting our perspective.  It's a rare person who makes it through this life without a personal setback occurring at somepoint.  I think we all have days where we feel overwhelmed with what we are going through, but for me looking at the bigger picture helps.

Take care,
Cathie.

[spgreenfield]

Hi Tom -

I tried to private message you a while ago - I, too live in Sioux Falls.  In response to your post, for me it was the realization that I would never see my "old" normal again....but I had a "new" normal.  We can completely frustrate ourselves by attempting to return to what "was" and not accept what "is" and maybe push it a little to improve it as much as we can...  Sounds to me like you need something to take your focus away from what's around only you - and that can be more freeing and difficult than we can imagine.  Would be glad to get together sometime for coffee or whatever.

Pam

[Jim Scott]

Hi,
This was not my strong suit prior to surgery and it seems worse rather than better. It seems that if someone has legitimate but minor health complaint I find myself thinking "I wish that was the only problem I had". Is there a way I can look at things a little differently and feel for my fellow man?

Tom ~ 

We're all unique and come from differing backgrounds that will affect our ability to empathize with others.  Having suffered for a time with severe AN symptoms (my tumor was large) and worked my way through recovery I have a bit more compassion for those dealing with pain from any source.  I never attempted to compare my physical problems to another person's physical problems and see who has more to complain about.

Today, in relatively good health, I have compassion for others with physical problems but of course, one must separate the truly suffering from the chronic complainers and hypochondriacs but take care not to do so in a cynical manner.  Although I've been blessed with relatively good health for most of my life I've always avoided telling others when I don't feel well (for whatever reason) because I assume they have their own problems and, to be frank, we all have just so much compassion to spare.  Once you've dealt with a friend or relative dying from cancer or have gone through the AN experience with it's attendant challenges that can last a long time, one is sometimes hard pressed to find a lot of sympathy for an acquaintance complaining about his bad back or other physical problem.  Still, I try and usually succeed, understanding that his bad back (or whatever the problem may be) is just as significant to him as my AN issues were to me at one time.

This is likely something one needs to learn and the learning requires a certain level of intellectual commitment to try and be more compassionate with others.  I'm sure you're up to it and hope you're successful. 

Jim         

[MDemisay]

Dear SDTom,

Try and be more open and less resistant to change.Yes, we all have our limits but try to willing to give without waiting for a thank you. It may be hard at first but really,it becomes easier and easier.....Soon it becomes second nature.

Take a moment be grateful for what we have here, a safe place to come and seek advice!

Give advice freely and don't be afraid to stand up for what you honestly believe in.

Mike

[Tod]

Actually, I found empathy, the empathy that I was sorely lacking, following surgery and recovery. At least some.

However, I did receive some useful advice from a friend: Focus more on the hundreds of things that you can do, not the few that you can't. Otherwise, you can take the view that it someone else might be thinking, "Gee, I wish I only had a benign brain tumor....."

It all rolls down hill. Or it can stop with you.

-Tod

[MDemisay]

Well put Tod,

A dash of empathy goes a long way. When looking at ones less fortunate than ourselves, it is often helpful to think "There, but for the Grace of God go I" and help them.

Mike