Thank you.
I wanted to understand all that I could about AN's and all they entail because I cared a lot about my friend and I wanted, and needed to understand what he was going through. I was concerned about the way his e-mails sounded, or lack of them, once his side effects started post-CK treatment(s). When he told me about having to go through CK again 2 months after the first treatment (he said he got a smaller dose the 2nd time), he felt like he wanted to escape from the many terrible side effects he had. He was terribly concerned about how he would properly direct his manufacturing company in Birmingham. I think some people are much more adversely affected by the treatments than other people are. He fell into this category.
I tried researching a lot on the Internet, then came upon the "My Acoustic Neuroma" story by the guy named Alejandro. I saw my friend in this story. Not long after that, I found this site on the Internet and this discussion group has been the most helpful and informative source of information for me, to learn what I needed to know, to help him. He was resigned to his situation, thought his life was over and I knew it was not right for him to feel that way. He had said he didn't think he could contribute anything to the relationship, as though he was washed up for good. It totally changed his outlook on life. He later said he had no aspirations other than to recover from his ordeal. I often told him that it could only get better for him as time went on. As Paul W. stated last year in his post, 98% of the battle is a positive attitude. I told my friend this, a lot. He just needed to have some patience and a lot of faith. Sadly, I think what he lacked the most was faith.
I had gotten very angry with him a month after I returned from the UK. We exchanged some very heated e-mails and he finally told me he didn't want to communicate with me anymore. I later tried apologizing to him for my anger which I now think was based on misunderstandings and things I had not yet been made aware of, by him, regarding his condition. But, I have received no forgiveness or a kind word from him since. Very painful for me to go through. There really is nothing I can do for him at this point, so I can only continue to leave this in God's hands. And, I hope for his sake, he will recover. I want him to realize someday that I was right when I told him he will recover someday, that it takes different people different amounts of time to recover. I've told him everyone's journey is different, every tumor is different. He couldn't seem to believe that.
In hindsight, it could be that since he didn't think he had anything to contribute to the relationship, it was because he felt he wasn't able to function as he did before, he could have made up the matter of his not being to travel the rest of last year, making like the doctor told him that. It seems that he made some pretty dangerous conclusions about his situation, considering he lives all alone in a large house. After I got back here, he wrote and apologized for not being a better host to me, apologized for the state of his health, and also said that the biggest issue for him was having someone else, outside his own family, living in the house with him. Since his divorce, I was the first one staying in his house, outside his family. Like I said, at this point, I can't help him anymore but to just put it all in God's hands, even though I do still have feelings for him. It was that strong a relationship we built, prior to the start of all his post-CK side effects and how much it changed his mind-set, that I still have the feelings for him, and I do pray for him frequently. There's nothing else I can do for him, and that's very sad. But, what can I do?
