Lainie:
I'm located on the opposite coast (southern New England) so I don't fit the profile of a west coast AN patient. However, along with many other members of this site and forum, I can offer you my support, for whatever that is worth.
You've certainly been through a lot and definitely suffered some major losses. No argument there. Your depression is not all that unusual following major surgery, a difficult recovery and financial reverses that forced you and your husband to sell your home and move. Moving is usually considered a major life change that can put enormous stress on your psyche - and a marriage. Obviously, it has. When you add in the 'forced' house sale that required the move and your frustrating post-op complications, it seems quite daunting, at the least, so your melancholy from a profound sense of loss is totally understandable. As you mentioned that you are taking anti-depressants, I'll assume you're under a doctor's care. As a layman, I won't presume to offer any medical advice, except that the doctor prescribing these anti-depressants should know that they apparently are not effective in your case.
I won't be inane and tell you to 'cheer up' or any such nonsense but it probably wouldn't do you any harm to consider what you do have instead of concentrating on what you've lost. I recently learned that an acquaintance who I hadn't seen in some time was stricken with ALS, amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, better known to most of us as 'Lou Gehrig's disease'. He cannot move, talk or swallow and will probably be dead in a few years. He is 47 years old. We had a benign, treatable brain tumor. For you and others, the surgery left you with facial paralysis, vertigo and headaches. That stinks - but in time and with treatment, all of those things may go away. My friend's ALS won't go away - it will kill him. People suffer strokes every day. Strokes that leave them totally dependent in many cases - and not all stroke victims are old men, either. Cancer patients - men and women, alike, often don't survive despite months of sometimes painful treatments that sap their strength and render them impotent, bald and bedridden. My brother-in-law died from brain cancer last year and it wasn't pretty. My sister, at 58, is now a a widow who had to watch her husband slowly lose the ability to even communicate as the cancer ravaged his brain - until it finally killed him.
I could go on but I'm sure you get the point. It could be a lot worse. Some AN patients lose longstanding and rewarding careers due to their AN and post-op complications. We all have our burdens to carry associated with having this relatively rare tumor. Of course, none of that diminishes your pain and your personal losses, I know. I certainly don't mean to do that. Not in the least. I'm simply attempting to offer you some perspective, nothing more or less. You've really lost a lot and an apparently unsympathetic spouse likely doesn't make it any easier. I suspect that with the 50% pay cut you mentioned and related job insecurity as well as the house sale, moving and anxiety over your AN, your husband very likely has some depression issues of his own. I can tell you that most men tend to keep that kind of stress 'inside'. He probably could use some support too, but, in your condition, you cannot offer him much right now. Unfortunately, that leaves you both 'on your own' in a highly stressful situation and that isn't the best way to deal with major life changes. I can only suggest suggest marriage counseling and the thought that I truly hope you guys can work this out together.
Lainie, I'm as sorry as I can be to know a fellow AN patient is suffering so. Please know that we're all here to support you. I'm certain some California residents will be dropping in to this thread and will gladly offer you information regarding acupuncture to treat your facial paralysis. Personally, I wish you the very best and will pray that your depression lifts - soon - and that you'll be able to see the positive things happening in your life, small as they may be. Remember: time heals.
Jim
