Spousal Help!

[BeJoi]

Hi Farah,

I'm a psychotherapist in the Atlanta area and I also have a recently diagnosed AN.  I plan to go the radiation route at the end of May, but I have definitely been experiencing mood swings and signs of depression as I've been handling all the paperwork, insurance issues, doctors' appointments, etc. on my own.  I agree with what everyone has said so far.  This is a wonderful group of people, and I'm very thankful to have found them even though I don't post much.  I'm glad you're not taking your husband's behavior personally anymore.  You can never be perfect enough in life as it is, and when someone goes through a healing crisis like this, it's even harder.  You're doing your best and you're keeping your heart open to him, and that's the biggest gift you could give him.  You're very brave and courageous, and I'm glad you've found this site to support you as well as your husband.

As a therapist, I recognize your husband's symptoms as those of clinical depression.  I think a visit to a neurologist should help as well.  If you can get to a psychiatrist so that he can be put on the right antidepressant,  both you and he will be very surprised by the difference in his moods and thoughts  They really do work.  Your therapist should be able to give you the name of someone you and he could see.  I also think that he should do some of his own therapy while you're both doing your marriage counseling.  Most of his reactions have nothing to do with you, and he needs help keeping everything in perspective.  And as others have said, an AN support group would be great for him.

My thoughts and prayers are with you...

Beverly

[Jack Palmer]

Farah,
In 2000 I had FSR. For the next 5 years, I did not feel well. The first year or two after treatment was the worst. I had many of the symptoms that your husband has. What he is looking for, as you may already know, is to feel that he is not fighting alone. My girlfriend at the time did things for me that I had a hard time doing myself such as calling doctors. When you feel dizzy EVERYTHING is hard. She actually called and talked to the nurse at one office and told them how bad I was doing and they prescribed lorazapam for my dizziness, and I swear it saved my life. Really, in a way, SHE saved my life. It's funny but third parties often carry more weight with doctors. It's human nature I suppose, because you are somehow viewed as an impartial observer. She would also handle other little things like paying the bills. Basically any ACTION that demonstrates that you are fighting alongside him will make all the difference. If you don't actively show that you are helping and trying to understand, he will believe his is alone.

[Musicman]

I have had substantial hearing interference for many years...before I found out it was AN related.  Question: is hearing impaired in both ears?  My right ear is better than my left.  So what we do when we go out is to make sure that I am seated on the end of the dining table and have my bad ear out to the rest of the crowd.  It actually helps to minimize the interference.  Also, by sitting on the end, I miss less of the converations that were occurring around me because I could not hear well on one side.  Now all the conversation takes place on my good side.