Hi, Soundy:
I can understand your hesitancy in having a flu shot after the horrible experience you had last year. I would probably feel the same way.
However, being around young children much of the time
does subject you to a greater risk of contracting the flu bug and that is something you want to avoid. You shouldn't have to hug a child and worry about possible germ contamination while doing so.
I'm not a doctor but I suspect - as others have suggested - that your lupus medication(s) may have adversely interacted with the live virus contained in the flu shot and made you so ill. In your case, I would definitely consult with your doctor as to the advisability of having a flu shot. Be sure to mention your daily contact with children as a factor in your motivation to have the inoculation.
For what it's worth, I had a flu shot last autumn, right after I finished my FSR treatments and about four months post-surgery. No problems at all. Full disclosure: prior to my AN, I never had a flu shot and got the flu once in 20+ years (it was very unpleasant but short-lived).
Let us know your decision. Allow me to complement you on your wise decision not to allow your AN or the surgical side-effects to dominate your life from this point on. An excellent attitude and one that I both admire and share.
Jim