Constant sarcasm...

[Tamara]

What is wrong with you can be treated;  what is wrong with your co-workers is likely beyond hope.

Tamara

[Kaybo]

Tamara has hit it right on the head -- PERFECT wording!!
K

[leapyrtwins]

I agree with Kaybo; your post is right on Tamara 

[Crazycat]

Amazing story Vicki!
   
       I am here to tell you that I both sympathize as well as empathize with you. I've been through the "human relations wringer" in the corporate arena as well as in my personal life.

I left the corporate world ten years ago and never looked back. I had my fill of the drudgery, treachery and viciousness long before I had even felt the first symptoms of impending illness. For the past ten years I've made a living as a performing musician and was doing really well with it up until September 2005 when I couldn't go on any longer without treatment. If I had been stricken with this illness while employed in the corporate realm, I can imagine the treatment I would have received at the hands of those people that I was already naturally at odds with. People are liars. They're venal, opportunistic, desperate, self-righteous, odious, money-grubbing egomaniacs that will stop at nothing in attempts to leverage themselves above you. I've cultivated an intense loathing for the average human being that words can scarcely express. Don't misunderstand me though. It's not at all that I would ever want to hurt anyone. For me it is strictly spiritual. It's like walking around every day with a knot in my gut and a lump in my throat; like having a poisonous serpent coiled-up in my chest and poised to strike, to lash-out but only with words.

   It's a crazy world filled with very desperate and confused people. While I've always had a somewhat cynical nature and possessed a healthy wariness of others, it wasn't until I became ill with a brain tumor that I truly received a crash-course on human nature. Being stricken with an illness such as we have tends to put a person in an exclusive situation of sorts in that it cuts people to the quick; it brings out behavior and information that ordinarily remains hidden. It's like this beam of light shines through and reveals everything, putting so much into perspective. In my case, I received a glimpse of how people would react to my expected demise. This is a situation that fostered both good and bad. I was pretty much left for dead by some people whereas other persons came into my life that were literal "godsends".

 Up until my diagnosis and treatment I was laughed at, ridiculed and accused of being a hypochondriac by people whom I thought were my friends.

   Believe it or not, people continue to chide and berate me because of my hearing loss.

You're not alone in this.

Going through life in practically any situation is like treading an abyss or being a lion tamer. It's just that when you are thrust into a position as you are now with the A.N., you are afforded first-hand, drivers seat glimpses of the sordid viciousness of human nature that can be somewhat disturbing to say the least—but this is nothing new under the sun, mind you.

All I can suggest to you is that you try to be as strong as possible. How and if you can get away from the enemies you have around you I cannot say. We are all in different situations in regard to our personal situations or "stations' in life.

I have to go now but feel free to contact me if you wish to communicate.

Take care,  Paul

[Palace]

Vicki,


I'm coming out of "the woodwork."  I've had numerous surgeries over the past twenty years, physical therapy, other medical issues, dental problems, severe eye concerns, living problems on the "home-front" and now, just lost one of my Golden Retriever littermates!  (to lymphoma)  I worked in the dental-field most of my life however, I had other professional work.  I can relate to your being "full-up," with all of it.

I lost most of my friends with the AN problem.  It is a growing experience, Vikki.  (not to mention the AN growing)  I'm here to tell you that you will be stronger later on.  Right now you need us, any family that you do have, support from the right source, proper calming-care, enough sleep and above all---do take time to do all the research you need for a proper evaluation of your AN.

With my experience I'd just like to mention this, for all newly diagnosed people with Acoustic Neuroma---please consider your options for treatment of the AN at different times of the day or night.  What I mean by this is, think it over after all information is gathered.  Consider the treatment options in the morning, think them over at noon-time and in an evening.  (not all in the same day)  Go to a park and think.  Sit by a stream.  Do Yoga if you find the time and then think.  This also includes thinking about how you were treated at work, which is not acceptable.  We sometimes process information and feelings differently under duress.  You need to think clearly under proper circumstances or conditions!

It all looks over-whelming however---one step at a time and put "you" first on the list.  (along with your child as, this is for both of you)  People are numb these days.  They are plugged into phones, computers, etc.  They are not caring or sensitive due to "twisted" media exposure, shocking movies and not being polite anymore.  The "50's" of the 1900 are long gone and so is the "family-unit."  Sadly, you must care strictly for yourself as, people are out there ready to "strike" at their first chance.

Please set time aside for you to meditate and focus.  You are all you have and can be sure of.  (along with your son)  Yes, it has come to that.

I lost friends but, gained Paul and Lorenzo from this forum as my closest friends.  (when the truth comes out)



Bless you,



Palace

[Betsy]

Hi Vicki,

My heart goes out to you.  It's tough enough to be diagnosed with an AN, but to endure such cruel and ignorant treatment at work doesn't help.  If your employer has more than 15 employees, they are required by law to comply with title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Americans with Disabilities Act.  Here's a paragraph from the EEOC website (http://www.eeoc.gov/).

"Harassment is unwelcome conduct that is based on race, color, sex, religion, national origin, disability, and/or age. Harassment becomes unlawful where 1) enduring the offensive conduct becomes a condition of continued employment, or 2) the conduct is severe or pervasive enough to create a work environment that a reasonable person would consider intimidating, hostile, or abusive. Anti-discrimination laws also prohibit harassment against individuals in retaliation for filing a discrimination charge, testifying, or participating in any way in an investigation, proceeding, or lawsuit under these laws; or opposing employment practices that they reasonably believe discriminate against individuals, in violation of these laws."

You've gotten some good advice about insurance and disability benefits, and that is a huge consideration.  If you feel you need to stay for awhile, you can use the time to start collecting evidence to show just how hostile the environment is.  Make copies of any emails that are insulting to you, and keep them off site.  If you have any incriminating voicemail messages, figure out how to record them (or play them into your home answering machine).  In meetings when someone insults you, ask them to repeat themselves and make a big show about writing down exactly who said what.  Maybe even repeat back what they said just to be sure you got it right.  Heck, you could even take a little tape recorder into meetings "to be sure you don't miss anything".  Either they'll be wary about being recorded and bite their tongues, or (more likely) they'll be idiots and continue to harass you.  Only you know exactly how stupid these people are, though...if you think this will bait them into physical violence it's best to lay low.

Do you believe that someone may cause you physical harm?  Have you been pushed or shoved hard enough to raise bruises?  I sure hope not, but if so, go to your doctor and get it documented with photos.

It's hard to think about the future when you're trying to deal with "now".  I do hope your employer sees the light and begins treating you with the respect you deserve.  However, even if they do clean up their act, there are ways of discriminating that aren't illegal.  You can change behavior, but it's really hard to change how people think.

Hang in there Vicki.  Be strong and watch your back.  You've got a lot on your plate right now, but you're not alone.

Betsy

[Crazycat]

Wow! Some very good advice here from Palace and Betsy!

[robynabc]

Quote from Vicki- I thought, for sure, the manager, or my direct supervisor, would finally take some kind of appropriate action, but they didn't. They actually ENCOURAGE IT. The manager continually causes hostility, as she talks about the workers (negatively) right behind others' backs.


As I suspected.  It is amazing how many people in work places act like it is still high school.  And as this illustrates it usually starts at the top and goes down from there.  I also amazes me that people cannot think for themselves and are such followers of this kind of behavior.  Try not to take it on and remember they are horrible.  It has nothing to do with you.  It is abuse and abuse usually is isolated. Some of the worst abuse and bullying happens in workplaces and I believe that management and owners are the ones who it starts with.   They don't have anyone else seeing it so it becomes seemingly more and more normal to them.  I would say do what every you have to do because you need to stay there for your surgery.  Good luck.


Palace wrote-I lost most of my friends with the AN problem.
I
I have to say that my son's friends were awful during this time.  They or their parents did not call us or wish us well or anything.  I absolutely refuse to blame it on being a teenager or being boys.  I have spent my whole parental life trying to teach my kids that you don't do things just because you are a "woman" or a "man" (boys will be boys) or whatever.   I was very disappointed with his friends.  He still hangs out with them too because he really has had trouble findng other kids that are like him.       We did find many people that were fairly supportive.  My exs family was just there so they could go around and tell all their friends about how their relative had this and how they were there to help.  It was all about "them".  I have to say I find it harder and harder to find people that don't just want materials out of life.  But,  sorry I know I am ranting a little.
There were some very sweet people too.  The people at my exs work was really great.  They took up a collection and gave him a 200 dollar gift certificate and a signed autograph of a hockey player and they were really caring.  ANd all our neighbors were really caring.  I know there are some people that don't know how to handle it and I try very hard to understand everyone deals with things differently.  But there are some that are just cruel and uncaring. 


Don't let it bother you if you can.  Get support here. 

[Sue]

I've been reading all the posts to this subject that Vicki brought up.  I too am totally appalled by the actions of these "adults" in your work place, Vicki.    It sounds like everyone is following the lead of the manager and since this person is mean and uncaring, then other's seem to be following along.  What a horrible experience for you!   It also sounds like you are getting some great advice from everyone.  If I were you, I'd almost be tempted to "wear a wire", like you've seen on TV, to document the harsh words and actions thrown your way.  Jeez, I'd be tempted to "bug" the whole office to get the goods on these people.  I'd also be tempted to looking into getting this person "whacked", but then maybe that's too "Sopranos" for you.   I'd also be tempted to contact the president of your company, the CEO, or whoever is the highest up in your firm and tell them what is going on.  Or have your lawyer do it.  I think your manager needs to take a hike and somebody further up the chain of command needs to know about this.  They can't ALL be this evil. Can they? 

Hang in there kiddo, and take some action.  You've got plenty of ammunition to unload on these idiots.  That should give you some strength and motivation.  Be strong, keep your cool, gather evidence, talk to somebody in the know about your rights, and when the time is right - man the guns and blow them out of the water.  You can do it.

Sue in Vancouver 

[ppearl214]

ya know, vicki... one thing I love about this site is truly, unconditionally, how much everyone looks out for each other.   As you can see.... everyone is filled with insight and knowledge and compassion... and thus, why I remain here and appreciate all that everyone here does for each other. We truly do understand.

Like you, I questioned a while back about the human nature of why folks would react (regardless if at work or family or friends) as they do... and many here gave wonderful insight that I still carry with me. This thread ended up being 6 pages and you can honestly feel true love from other AN'ers here...

Thought... sit back with your favorite beverage/snack etc... may be worth a peek.

http://anausa.org/forum/index.php?topic=966.0

I send my infamous wellness huggles... and from me to you... I'm glad you are here! Truly!

Hang in there.
Phyl

[tdworkin]

Vicky-
I am sending good vibes out to  you... and also to the "losers" with whom you work. (I actually think they need it more. Bullies obviously are missing goodness in their lives.)
Hang onto your dignity and continue to do your job. Document the nonsense, then call a good lawyer. 
I wish you all the best.
Terry

[jerseygirl]

Vicky,

Here is an artcile in today's NY Times on workplace bullying. You are hardly alone.

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/03/24/have-you-been-bullied-at-work/

Eve