Dani,
You, your sister and all the kids have some major readjustments to make.
Spanking is only taking out frustrations out on the kids. Often kids take that “hitting� skill they have just learned from their care giving-role-modeling adults and apply it to other kids. I have seen enough of this in the classroom and often the kids that take on either the bully or victim role at school - “spanking� happens all too often in their homes. You need a
balance of intrinsic and extrinsic motivators to bring peace and harmony into your household.
I highly recommend this author and public speaker.
Barbara Coloroso
Website
http://kidsareworthit.com/She is brought in to speak within many school districts. She was brought into our city by the then Portland Parent magazine.
(Now called Metro Parent
http://www.metro-parent.com/)
Her anti-bullying workshops have been adopted by many schools – both public and private. Many parents find her parenting suggestions very constructive and effective. Homeschoolers too have her referenced in bibliographies on family management. She has a balanced approach that meets many parenting and teaching styles.
This is the book I highly recommend (check your library)
KIDS ARE WORTH IT
http://www.amazon.com/Kids-Are-Worth-Giving-Discipline/dp/0060014318Make sure your sister (the main income earner of the household) gives you (the main caregiver) support and breaks from the kids to yourself – to get exercise, go for walks alone with fresh air and exercise etc… and a chance to release stress-
constructively.
This thread could really start taking away from the Acoustic Neuroma topics and I can see a “spanking� debate starting up here- which really is
not part of the ANA forum mission… however we are here to be supportive to AN patients. You are an AN’er who is going through a rough spell.
HUGS and support to you!I recommend that you search out
parent discussion forums specifically that you can talk with… perhaps other AN patient who were successful parents here- too can lead you in that direction by providing some links for you to look into for concrete and
constructive feedback (specifically to
parenting).
You are
not the hired “babysitter� here- you are now the main stay-at-home “parent� & caregiver . Parenting is a
very important job in society- without parents we would be living in William Golding’s
Lord of the Flies . (In some communities this is happening with too many apathetic and uninvolved paretns) Stay-at-home parenting
is a very noble profession… that is too often belittled. Do not let this happen to you. You are doing a
very important job here – raising children. Surround yourself with people who value the stay-at-home parent and who will be supportive to you. Your new job of parenting 3 kids is a
very important job! What happenes in those early childhood years is key- and this is a
very importnant time in a child’s development. Lack of care and mistakes, made in the formative years, are
very difficult to undo at the teenage years. (I have counsellled enough high school students and parents to know this.)
You and your sister, together, need to establish guidelines, order, structure and routines. When kids feel powerless and out-of-sorts this is when they act out. Boredom will do this too. Start planning your days… then weeks (from activities, to meal plans to even scheduled down time)
Here are just a few samples when I punched in “Parent discussion forums� in google.
http://www.todaysparent.com/community/index.jsphttp://singlefamilyvoices.com/eve/forumshttp://singleparents.about.com/mpboards.htmhttp://www.cafemom.com/Local school districts and even homeschool support groups have this link
http://www.handsproject.org/home.htmlFor those of us AN patients who are also caregivers (of aging parents, young kids, special-ed adult children etc) many of us know that what the airline stewarts tell us is only so true.
“You must put on you own oxygen mask -first .... otherwise you of no use to others.� To be a good caregiver to your child, and your sister's children you need to identify your perimeters and limitations and know what you can and cannot take on – as you recover and rehabilitate from the treatment of your AN tumor. (Rehabilitate means mentally, physically, spiritually and yes even
vocationally)
Finding
Balance is the key here…
Keep Moving Forward.Daisy Head Mazy
