Back from MRI...

[cindyj]

Hey All,

Had my 6 month MRI today and also met with Dr. Mattox (Emory) again.  While he didn't have the report from the radiologist yet, just comparing the new MRI to the previous one, there was obviously a change.  He doesn't think it's grown so much in length as in volume (it's poofier, how's that for a medical term).  While on my last MRI you can see a very thin line between the tumor and the brain, there is now no space between the two. 

I was really not expecting anything in particular (good or bad) from today's MRI, it really was a stalling tactic by me to avoid making any decision back in the Spring.  I have told everyone since March that I was not going to decide until August.  Well, here it is...will I make a decision?  Just don't know.  Know you guys know what I mean and how I feel.  As I mentioned in a post months ago, I know I'm lucky to have the opportunity to make a choice, but I really would almost rather not have any choice. 

Well, just wanted to let you know I had it done and the thing has not turned into a grapefruit...

Cindy, the wishy/washy one

[ppearl214]

Hello, oh wishy/washy one,...... well in light that you have done much of your research... you have met folks face to face to see for yourself some outcomes... and knowing you are in FAB hands with Dr. Maddox (you know it... ).... I have faith in you to make the best, well-informed decision you can that will work for you and your situation.  You know that whatever you decide, you have this Bawstonian right beside you, cheering you on.  (ok, and the bloke as well!).

Hang in there... you will know in your gut what will be best for you. If it's time to decide, then do what you feel is best for you and your situation and based on your research. I'm there with you!

xo
Phyl

[cindyj]

Thanks, Phyl!  Always so great to get your encouragement! 

I have changed my mind roughly 25 times since leaving the doctor's office on Wednesday...ok, actually more times than that, but one thing I have decided is that I must make a decision.  It was rather unnerving to actually see the thing again after so long and it really brought home to me that it's real and not just a research project...

...and congrats again to you on your great report - so well deserved!  (Tell the bloke "hello" )

Cindy

[Jim Scott]

Cindy:

You have my empathy on your conflicted state of mind at this point but as Phyl stated, you have all the information you require to make a treatment decision that works best for you.  The fact that the time for procrastinating is about over is always chilling in some respects but like having a tooth that was giving you a toothache finally fixed, once the decision is made and a surgery/radiation date is set, you'll actually feel a lot more serene.  Well, most folks do.  I doubt you'll be an exception. 

To amplify Phyl's comments: you'll have many, many AN patients rooting for you and supporting whatever decision you ultimately come to.  I'll be one of them. 

Jim

[cindyj]

Thanks, Jim - know you're right that once I finally do make the decision, I will feel at peace.  I have relaxed a bit since I saw the thing again last week and will now try to calmly and logically proceed with my decision...will try to do that anyway

As always, so great to be here with everyone on this forum,

Cindy

[NL]

Hi Cindy,

I can so relate to everything you are feeling. All I can tell you was that in my case, my own wishy-washy nature was my own gut instinct guiding me to do what was right for me. Of course, at the time, I had no idea what that "right" thing would be. I was completely comfortable giving myself the six month "stalling/watch growth rate/do more research" time period while others aroung me could not understand my "relaxed" attitude. I knew I could not commit to any form of treatment until I felt 110% confident in it.

Honestly, I didn't know if I'd ever feel that good about a decision, but it eventually happened. I told myself I'd make a decision when my tumor reached 2 cm (it was discovered at 1.6), and when the 6 month MRI clocked it in at 1.9 and had gone from looking like an elongated pencil easer to a small grape (I like your "poofier" term), something in me just kicked in. I really trusted my chosen docs (who were fine with my previous W&W) and began emailing and asking many of the questions (that I learned to ask on this forum) that led me to feel that final great sense of relief that comes with a decision.

It sounds like you already have a relationship with your doctor and that you are comfortable with him, that is a great place to be in at your stage of the journey.

I guess all I'm trying to say is it's much better to be wishy-washy and really feel committed than uncomfortable with any decision.

I promise not to be as long-winded when I'm off the steroids!

Nancy