Hi bern,
Through all the research done by AN patients for potential post-treatment (regardless if radio or surgical) after affects, we educate ourselves for what may or could occur post-treatment. In the case of radio, some report enhanced issues, some report issues that calm down... some stay about the same... and for the most part, many have learned to embrace the "new you".
It is very difficult to "mourn" an old body that has changed due to issues. Many here that know me and have met me (face to face) will share that my body has failed over the past 8 yrs due to multiple medical issues. I use to be a runner, a speed walker, in the gym 6 days a week (cardio and circuit training) and 30 lbs lighter. I miss my old body... tremendously. I miss the physical I use to do...... but now, 8 yrs later with continued and enhanced physical issues (ie: I now walk with a cane, some hearing loss, extreme levels of pain, etc).... I have embraced the "new me". I have learned that I cannot change what I am now and pray that each day makes me stronger to hold onto what I do have in life... and that my inner being has the strength for when the outer "me" doesn't want to cooperate.
Embrace what you have... you are here. You have LOTS of folks here that do understand... You have love ones cheering you on and supporting as best as can be. But most of all, you provide so much to others... by working at the school, by learning how to "deal" and trying to forge forward. That takes a great deal of mental strength and diligence and courage. You are doing great!
Please keep us updated on what the MRI shows. Remember to get a CD copy of the MRI and the radiology report for your files.... If I remember right, I thought you were in New England... and we'll be having a brunch soon out in Worcester MA. If you are out this way, please consider coming to the brunch, so all of us that will be there can give hugs and good ears and support and friendship.
We're here for you. Pity parties are great and we all certainly earn them..... but (to me), in the long run, they just drag you down worse. We're here to help lift you back up.
Hang tough!
Phyl