Did I go back to work too early?

[comfortzone]

I had surgery April 3 and started back to work June 9th. I lost all the hearing on my AN side as a result of the surgery. I've recently started using a Phonak cross system which is really helping me a lot. I still have some sort of visual/cognitive googly eyes, kind of weeble wobble a bit, but in general I'm plugging along. I was feeling quite proud of my recovery actually. I work in a legal office, not for a lawyer but within the company I work for. It's very detail oriented and fast paced and my boss loves to pile the work on. I've found it's harder to concentrate since I've been back but thought I'd been able to perform the job really well and have been keeping up, even catching up on things that had been missed while I was away. That was until I had a review this week with my manager who informed me that she would like the old version of me back!!! How exactly am I supposed to do that? I was told that although I am performing the job function, she would like the happy me back and that the work is only 50% of the job, the other 50% is social. The funny thing is that I am quite happy since the surgery. I've learned so much about myself, had such incredible support from family and friends and am amazed at how far I've come so fast. When I'm at work I have to concentrate so hard that I think they interpret me being miserable I guess. It is definitely more difficult for me to get the same work done now as before surgery and by about 2 in the afternoon I'm wiped. Am I wrong to think that as long as you get your job done that's what matters? I've been trying so hard to soldier on with a positive attitude and it was shocking to have someone tell me otherwise. I have an appointment with my family doctor on Monday. Do I go back on medical leave? Should I expect to be able to do as much as a I did before or do I need to look for another job? I'm confused and not sure what to do!

[Tod]

It will take awhile for you to regain some of the social aspect, based on what you describe. It took me awhile. I am sure it will come back to you. Keep in mind, that one rule of recovery is to allow one month for every hour of general anesthesia. I'm not sure if that is based on any real science, but it sure seemed the right mix for me.

You are early into the healing process yet. Give yourself time and just explain to folks that it takes more of your effort and energy than before, but it should return.

I hope this helps,

Tod

[robertwh2]

Hard to answer this one, but I can tell you in hind sight I returned to work to early at 8 weeks. I would work and then crash as soon as I got home. Each of are different.

As a manager I think your boss is out of line.  Do I want all of my team to get along, enjoy their job, and be active members of the team. Yes. Does that include socially,  to some extent. If someone became less social for some reason, I would be trying to make sure everything was ok. Not being critical of them. 

The job is the job and you are not the same person as before going through this.  You are tougher and most likely embrace life more than before. Plug away, things will become normal again and try not to let an out of line comment darken your spirit.  Your boss may have had a bad day and said something that should not have been said.

God Bless!

[ANGuy]

I'd ask your manager to put in writing her comments about your personality so that you could better understand them.  Then I would take those written comments down the hall to her supervisor and make sure he/she understands that if you have to be subjected to any more crap like that the two of them will be looking for new jobs.

I doubt your manager will put those comments in writing.  Even she can't be that stupid.  I would still go over her head. 

[michelej]

Wow... that woman sounds like a total inconsiderate, unsympathetic, witch on a power trip to me. I don't know how I will know either when to go back to work. I know I have to be seen again a month after my surgery. I am going for translab. on next Thurs. I plan on going back in a month and maybe do some work at home sooner. I have a transcription job so I sit and type most of the day. Guess I will hear with just the one good ear now. I really was doing that before so I guess I won't notice anything different. :-) I wish you luck. I don't know what to tell you but if you can afford to stay home or work part time you might consider it. You health is worth more than a job anyday!

[Kathleen_Mc]

I remember my manager saying something similar......she said I seemed angry.....I responded "let's cut you head open and see how you feel".....also I have been acaused of ignoring people or "not caring" when in fact I didn't hear them.....also someone once claimed I faked my hearing impairment for some reason!
Just continue to do the best you can and like someone else said ask your manager to put her comments in writing and take that higher up!

[ANGuy]

Let's change this up a bit.  Let's say you wore low-cut or tight tops to work everyday.   Then,  you need a mastectomy.   Would that woman be telling you that your evaluation is being brought down because you are now wearing loose fitting tops?   Nope!  Everybody would be wearing those pink ribbons and calling you a hero!

This post is meant to be humorous.   But, it does show the group-think that can go on.  People trip over themselves to be a part of a cause celeb, but when it comes time for some genuine compassion they are no where to be found.

This is only some people.  This is a minority.   I told my immediate boss and our plant manager that I had a serious medical issue and that in the near future I would be taking time off for appointments.   They were both genuinely shaken up.

Medical issues are a tough nut for a lot of people.   Some are cold-hearted , some are compassionate,  and some just go into a weird type of denial.  They can't face their own vulnerability that is personified right across the table from them that your tumor is.

[comfortzone]

Thank you for all of your sage advice! As it turns out I went back to work full time too early. When I saw my GP last week she signed me off work again.

I`ve since found a physiotherapist who specializes in vestibular rehab with whom I had an assessment last Friday. She's given me some exercises to do to help retrain my brain (or make me dizzy and nauseated, not sure which). I have a reassessment in two weeks after which time she will recommend a course of action regarding returning to work, continued therapy etc.

I did ask my manager to provide her feedback to me in writing, and subsequently had a very supportive discussion with the HR representative who was fantastic. All in all a decent outcome but still some work ahead until I`m ready to return. I want to make sure I`m as good as possible before trying again now that I know what I need to be prepared for.

I hear you ANGuy - I`ve often wondered how different it would be if I had a more `commercially acceptable illness`. Our office supports all kinds of charities and when I`ve mentioned collecting for AN in the past I get looked at as if I`ve got two heads.

Oh well, back to my exercises  Thanks again everyone!
 

[seandimom]

Hi comfort zone and company! I really appreciated your post and the great feedback you received.  I'm glad you got the work eval in writing, and I'm glad you're doing vestibular therapy.  I also really liked what Tod wrote---for every hour of general anesthesia, allow about a month recovery time.  That sure makes sense to me.  I think a lot of the horrible general blah feeling I have--weirdness in my throat, chest, edge of nausea, no strong appetite, etc--is because of 8 or so hours of being out of it with that anesthesia.  This whole ordeal has taken its toll not only on me, but on my teenage son, who is being extra aggressive and stubborn and fighting with my husband daily.  It's over a month for me post op-I am easing into work part time--lots of computer work at home.