From my experience as the wife of an ANer, I can tell you that it's easy to "forget" than ANers have some lingering issues (i.e., hearing, balance, noisy places.) And my husband sometimes has to remind me of that, for example, when I forget and whisper in his deaf ear, he tells me, "I can't hear you." or when we're out in a noisy place, he'll say, "This is driving me nuts, I need to leave." Or when we were trick or treating with the kids on Halloween, he told me, "Hold onto me, my balance is really bad here in the dark." He looks just like he always has, so sometimes I "forget" that he isn't like he always was. This board has helped me understand more than anything the issues he faces, so I am pretty sympathetic. If he won't talk to you at all, that's hard. Maybe you do need counseling. I might suggest you try to talk to him about the lingering issues and tell him you need his support. If he wants to go places that you don't want to go, maybe that's OK as long as he does things with you other times. As a spouse, I can tell you I do feel a certain amount of "grief" for my husband for what he has lost. It's hard to describe, but I'm sad he'll never be the same. Sometimes I feel kind of angry about it, too. Maybe your husband feels that way, too, and has a hard time talking about it? I hope you can find a way to get him to talk about it. Jennifer
