I know I'm not alone in this, but I didn't like the speaker. I was so offended by how he "lost" his family (he should have been a politician and then his poor wife would have to have been a doormat and kept him around.) I wish he was still cleaning toilets. I would never, ever buy his book or pay to see his movie, but does anyone know what happened to the girlfriend and her baby? Does he ever express sincere regret for what he did? Also, someone said that in his book he calls his AN a "brain tumor"--which it technically is, but I always feel that calling it only that is mostly a plea for attention.
And no, my husband is a sweetie, but I've had countless friends & several relatives whose husbands acted like this jerk and their selfishness absolutely devastated their families' lives. I wish them only evil.
Sharonov
Sharonov,
Please know that I have known both men
and women who have treated their family deplorably. And yes some have gone on to remain self-righteous and egocentric causing terrible emotional harm not just to their spouse but also harm to their children on a longer term physiological basis. These perpetrators are unable to realize how selfish and inappropriate their narcissistic behavior affects others. This is often true if an adult who was raised as a spoiled child to which everything was provided and they never experienced adversity. Sadly I have experienced one too many people of this sort, on more than one occasion, in my life.
However I must tell you that one person, close to me, who followed that negative tract I have described above – changed. Not until after experiencing bankruptcy and the long and drawn out death of the second spouse who died of cancer. That person went from wealth affluence, prestige (that came with the family inheritance), and professional recognition... to being bankrupt and alone. That person went from being always served to one who was later serving (by choice). That person transformed from a negligent and absentee parent to one who was found cuddling grandchildren, changing their diapers and folding the laundry for the adult child’s family (whom they once so neglected when that adult child was little). The person changed. They changed because they were willing to accept responsibility for their actions and stop blaming others. From there -peace and forgiveness could be established with their adult child. The constant self-edification and blaming of others, for various mishaps, finally came to an end. From there- more positive relationships established with more depth and less superficiality.
What the guest speaker wrote and spoke about was that it took loosing all material wealth and status, respect from family iced on top with the diagnoses of a brain tumor that forced him to stop in his path of destructive behavior. By being more accepting (taking on the job of being a barista at Starbucks being the first step- even if it came by circumstance) this speaker/author was able to cross over the line and walk a mile in the shoes of another person who was NOT always served (or doted on by others) but actually served others. He was also able to break through his prejudice of women’s capabilities and accept people of a color or culture- different than his own. (I think Crystal & Chester, mentioned in his book, were “called†to be his
patient teachers)
This is often why in the USA “community service†is encouraged. Community service is not as a punishment (as in other countries I have experienced) but an “educational opportunity†for youth
to grow – as part of their school education. The opportunity for my own children to serve meals to homeless at a shelter, as a part of their education, is something I was personally deprived of. Myself and other parents who encourage the
community service component of education want to raise children who have understanding and compassion for others. Also for our children to know when they are “called†to serve and when it is time to exhibit selfless behavior and step-up-to-the-plate when asked to do so- and
not begrudgingly but willingly. I am pleased to see more and more corporations now actually encourage community employee volunteer hours to which each hour their employee volunteers, at a non-profit, they will also send $10 hour to that non-profit organization.
We recently had a community in Oregon devastated by flooding- not even the high school could be used for shelter, as it too was flooded- as was their local food bank. It spoke volumes to those children when many corporate men
and women took the day off of work, drove to a community that was not their own, and helped families not just replace floors in houses but used their professional expertise to help those families, who are less educated, to sit down with them and help them fill out FEMA forms ( work by the reims). That not just spoke volumes to the families of that town but to corporate employee volunteer’s own children- as their parent took time off to
model community
service.
Here are a couple of random articles to share
http://www.vernoniacares.org/news/vernonia_voice_2_2009.htmlhttp://oregoncanineuniversity.org/?p=459I must admit when I read the 1st few chapters of this book I wanted to scream and put it down.
Nevertheless because of the reviews I was aware that I needed to “
keep reading†to understand it
more. This is a man, unlike so many others (men or women) who acted inappropriately, who is actually willing to admit that. He is regretful that he has hurt others and
wants to change. He wants to serve others, willingly, and be a better person so he can be there for not only his now adult children but also his youngest child. What I have no doubt about with this author, (who is too -similar to the person I mentioned above who also
lost it all in divorce, bankruptcy, death of 2nd spouse) -he will be a very supportive and involved grandfather. He may also have broken a family pattern here where the
affluent snub the underprivileged- and may now provide a better role model for parental involvement- now that, post middle aged mid life crises
, he chose to grow up.
In the corporate world I witness one too many parents who are much more interested in climbing the corporate ladder -than spending QUALITY time with their own children. I also witnessed this in my former years as a classroom teacher. When summer opportunities arise - they’d rather chose to send their kids off to expensive summer residential camps than spend the quality time with their kids. I see these kids with: all the latest and greatest labeled clothing, a myriad of electronic toys... but what they are truly starving for is parental attention. Know this is not just a problem with corporate fathers – but more so
now with the corporate and/or executive mothers also.
I personally like that he explains a corporate model, discussing “egalitarianism†(although that word is not used specifically in the book) - as this author IS going to reach the corporate/ executive positioned readers- the ones who I feel that need to read this book t
he most. More specifically those who snub those who they feel are beneath them.
Please see this New York Times article and view the video
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/13/garden/13gill.html?_r=1Yes no doubt there is going to be royalties that come in from: his book, his public speaking venues and yes
probably even the movie too. But I am confident that his money will no longer be spent on buying exorbitantly priced bottles of Champaign to impress his superficial friends (or even sincere friends) but will most likely be used to help non-profit societies that are interested in helping people who need resources. He has moved away from buying “stuff†as he now knows, from personal experience, that
materialism does not buy happiness.
There were many professionals in the audience listening to Michael- both patients and medical practioners. As I think of the many that possibly are spending too much time on their careers and jobs that pay for their materialistic possessions – it is my hope that Michael’s talk may have encouraged them to think less about their “stuff†(and prestige) and more about community service and spending time with their own families and friends.
Oregon State, where I currently reside has now the highest number of homeless families in the nation. We did a family tent camping trip to some beurtulful State Parks, this summer, however the experience turned out different than I planned (or from previous years). We witnessed one too many homeless families going campground to campground to get them through the summer. Domestic issues were heard through the tent wall that you would not hope for on a family vacation. At first I wanted to shelter my kids from this but they did come home very appreciate of what they do have.
Here is an article on this homeless issue- here in the Silicon Forest (which was once a booming economy)
http://www.ktvz.com/global/story.asp?S=10720375As I walked the Magnificent Mile outside the Drake Hotel I notice "help wanted" signs. You are just not seeing those near our Sax Fifth Avenue in Portland- as I once did during the economic boom times.
I know one too many families that have purchased way too much stuff on credit. I have actually watched families, who are high tech industry corporate employees (yes even some from Nike so not all high tech), lose their homes. ... And pull their children out of private school mid-year. It is devastating for the kids. One too many people are only one paycheck away to homelessness if they are laid off –and their company does not offer a severance package. Fellow parents I knew who were into the “
I owe I owe- it is off to work I go†mode as they were trying to pay off the “stuff†they bought for their kids. Yet really what the kids wanted was their attention. Often the stuff is bought out of guilt of not being able to spend time with the kids. The cycle can be a downward spiral...
These issues I mentioned are heavy
weighty issues.
What I like about Michaels’ book is he has a
witty 
writing style that makes this book a good easy read on a weekend. He knows how to speak the language of the affluent and it is my hope that he will reach that audience-
specifically. The ones who need to cross the bar and have more empathy and understanding for those who are socio-economically different than themselves.
His book makes people reflect. This author has spoken to corporate audiences and others.
Here is a sample of his talk to Google (he is more relaxed here- no neck tie!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6bhkNJOsrsHis honesty and sincerity in the above video is compelling. You will note that when he is out west, not wearing his tie and jacket, he is much more relaxed. His talk for us at the symposium was shortened, as we had to stay “on timeâ€. People had to check out of the Drake and catch rides to the airport (with a storm looming). Google was a smaller more intimate audience- ours was huge in a decadent hotel (probably bring back many memories of his corporate advertising days alongside the stangling tie and suit jacket her wore...
)
I think that for Michael to speak with us who have been treated, specifically, and to witness facial palsy & synkenisis, people with walkers and canes probably shook him a little and it may have been frightening for him.
We were a tough audience to face- specifically for a “wait and watcherâ€. I think that for any wait and watcher it would be difficult to speak- specifically with us who have post op complications. The symposium experience was probably informative to them but also at the same time
terrifying. I witnessed Mike take the time to speak with our youngest AN patient, at the symposium, and encourage her to write her thoughts down and to keep moving forward. Different than other celebrities I have seen, who just ACT and say the right thing, - Michael was truly being
sincere to her.
I think it took a lot of courage for this author to speak to us. He did this against the advise of his publisher. He wanted to be there
for us.
He once pre-judged people BEFORE he crossed the barista bar. Please do not prejudge him and his character. I believe he is a
changed man who is willing to publicly admit his mistakes. I ask you too to cross the barista bar and just read his book. (My library had many copies but there was a hold wait list.) It has much more depth and meaning to it -than you actually might think.
He may not have been the model father (and certainly not husband) but I think given a second chance he is going to make an awesome grandfather (and Dad to his very young son- who he had later in life.)
Please do not judge him in haste-
give him a second chance. I am not here to judge fellow AN patients but to try to walk a mile in their shoes and be here to support them. Personally I think Mike would be an awesome person to have in a support group because of his life experience, and yes even the negative ones, having given him tremendous empathy and understanding
for others. I would also let him know it is OK not to wear a tie. Our support group has people from all walks of life: some related to doctors and some who had to jump the Medicare hoops to get assistance and have no supportive family close. One even had to move in with an aging parent as the house had to be sold to cover the medical expenses. And one
special member knits hats for others and adamantly refuses to wear a tie-
even in the ballroom at the Drake.
I know our own group would welcome this speaker (a fellow AN patient) in-
with open arms. That is what we are here to do- offer support and
not judge past lives but to assist fellow patients to
move forward in their Acoustic Neuroma Journey. If you scroll down on the ANA home page understand that we are found under the “support group†section.
The guest speaker is not “one of themâ€- he is “one of usâ€- our wonderful diverse and accepting support group of acoustic neuroma patients. I will not pre-judge him. I am going to offer him
huggles (I learned this skill from Pearly Whites
) and encourage him to “keep moving forwardâ€. I hope you can be encouraging too.
Peace, forgiveness... and ONLY goodness (I wish NO evil!)
Daisy Head Mazy
