A sad dose of reality....

[ppearl214]

... was just handed to me when I just got a phone call informing me a dear friend, 28 yrs old, died out of the blue.  She had a spat with her husband and went for a drive to "cool down"... she stopped along the ocean (as many of us here in Boston tend to do... we are just drawn to it) at a favorite beach of her's. Climbed the rocks. She slid on the rocks and got her foot stuck.  Bitter night that night... hypothermia got her. 

I sit here and think about what I am going through... not easy for any of us... and then I think about my dear Delaine.  Someone I've known for years. Someone who always remembered my birthday (she is the ONLY one that ever, even as of last month, handmade my bday cards... with stickers and lace and smilies and flowers....)  I sent her a card back a few weeks ago to thank her for always thinking of me.. for always remembering my birthday as she never forgot.  And this year, she noted on my card S.W.A.K.   I told her I hadn't heard that since my grandmother passed... (btw, SWAK means... Sealed With A Kiss)

Her husband just called me to tell me the news.. to tell me the wake is tomorrow night (Friday).  To tell me that she always told him that although she didn't have many "close" friends in life, for some reason, she and I always had a special connection.

I sit here, I cry.  I sit her looking at the bday card she sent me a month ago, that was still displayed on my coffee table until 15 minutes ago.    Tomorrow night, I give her kisses as well...

We all have it rough. We all have been kicked by mother nature's cruel joke... but for some reason, my Delaine is gone for no apparent reason.  Makes no sense to me. Right this minute, my AN situation seems rather miniscule.  Delaine, a very healthy, vital, carefree woman is gone... and I sit and complain and moan about my weight, my nerves, etc.  Just doesn't seem like my energy is in the right place worrying about my nerves and treatments upcoming, when someone else... close to me, paid a price for having a spat with her husband, drove off to clear her head.  Just not fair.

Sorry to share this all with you... but just wanted to remind everyone to hug their loved ones tonight... remind them of just how much you do love them... and never go to sleep with ill-words between you, your partner, your family members, your friends.

Phyl

[Larry]

Oh Phyl,

That is horrible news. A person who was so young. It does put things into perspective doesn't it.

My wife lost her brother at 40 from melanoma - mis diagnosed by a quack and then it was too late. A shocking waste. We learn to deal with our AN related issues, but to have someone very close to you pass away, is a real shocker and something that takes a long time to accept. You never forget, you are just able to deal with it better as time moves on. My father died 6 years ago and i still get rather emotional from time to time thinking about him.

My thoughts are with you.


Laz

[Captain Deb]

Phyll,
I'm so sorry for your loss--what a tragedy. Like Larry said, it really does put things into perspective.

 My dear cousin Cam--4 months younger than me, was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor about 6  months before I was diagnosed with mine.  Our surgeries were within months of each others and we had mirror-image exact same scars. 6 months after my surgery, he died in my arms.  He was a Baptist pastor, husband and father of two beautiful girls, 18 and 21,  and he married Dr. Love and me. There must have been a thousand people at his funeral--he was such a remarkable man and helped so many people.  He and I were best buds during our teenage years when my parents were divorcing.  Many times I have asked myself--why him and not me? There's no understanding any of this, only accepting it.

Again, my sympathy to you for the loss of your dear friend.
 Deb

[shoegirl]

Phyl,

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend.  It is so difficult sometimes to understand what life throws at us, sometimes things just don't make sense.

I read your post and cried.  I too lost a friend about 14 years ago, she too was very young.  She fell asleep driving home one night. I had a very special connection with her.  And still miss her dearly.  I feel for you.  Friendship can never be replaced but your love for each other will always be there in your heart.  That will help you find your way.

Just when you think you can't handle anymore - life, fate (whatever you want to call it) proves just how strong you are.  If there is anything I can do for you please don't hesitate to ask.  Your posts always lift my spirits and I would be happy to do anything I can.

Take Care of yourself,
Suzanne

[Battyp]

Phyl, I'm so sorry.  Please know we're all crying with you at the loss of someone so special to you.   
It really does put things in perspective.  {{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}

[Gennysmom]

Phyl,

I'm so, so, sorry.  This sure is a crazy world we all share.  I have had my share of terrible stories as well, that I don't need to go into detail about.  Know that all the wenches are circling the wagons to keep you safe and warm and giving you many hugs.  Know we are here for you and as I told Batty yesterday, if you need anything...let me know...if it's within my power it shall be done.  Rest.  Remember.  Find someone there to hold you up but don't hold it in!  Take care of yourself.   

Many hugs, and hugs, and hugs.............

[Karla83401]

Phyl,

I am also very sorry about your loss. The death of one so young and the death so unexpected takes away the very breath of those left behind. Please know that you are in my thought and prayers.

Karla

[thecakes]

   Phyll, I'm so sorry.  We  all have loved ones who we should allways thank god for.  Sometimes it is difficult to allways be happy, and caring, and appriciate that person.  My husband is that way.  I allways tell my kids and my husband that I love them before they leave the house .  You have my simpathy,  Patti

[DeniseSmith]

Phyl,
I am sorry about the loss of your dear friend.  My prayers and sympathy are with you and your friend's husband/family.

Denise

[ppearl214]

thank you all for the well wishes and support... still pretty devistated and will attend the wake tonight.  Found the local press on what happened as it did make local news, but I missed it.... just trying to get through today and hope that I have the mental strength to give support to John (her husband) and her family during this time of need.

Thanks again all!
xooxox
Phyl

[nannettesea]

Phyl,
Cannot say how sorry I  am.  I've had many losses in my family, the pain is just indescribeable.

Your friend was so lucky to have you in her life.  You can cherish that.  She knows how much you love her, that I know.

Sending you our thoughts, love, prayers and strength.

Nan

P.S. I just sent you a post, but don't worry about a reply now.

[ppearl214]

thank you Nan... truly appreciated.

[minnkris]

Phyl,
You have my deepest sympathies for your loss.

I too know how hard it is to lose someone close to you. I've lost 3 siblings over the last 10 years and while time does heal, it sure takes a long long time. Whiile I'm not a really prayerful person, I do believe in an afterlife, and that helps me so much when I'm missing my sister and brothers (who were also my life-long friends).

Take care, I'm thinking of you.

Kris

[ppearl214]

oh, Kris... I so understand and I am so sorry your heart has been broken with so much loss as well.  Sending you huggles as I know we both have terrific strength to hang tough and hold dear to our hearts what will always remain there.

xoxo
Phyl

[minnkris]

Thank you Phyl,
"Heart Broken", that's the word! It really does hurt your heart, doesn't it?
Kris