Will my "thinking" ever be the same again???

[lawmama]

I was discussing with another member earlier how we both feel that our cognitive and/or comprehension has been affected by our AN's.  I KNOW that my thinking and processing is slower.  Sometimes I have to really concentrate when I'm just having a regular conversation because it is hard to put together what the other person is saying.  When I try to respond, I stumble on my words.  This is very out of the ordinary for me.  I was always excellent at communication and a very effective public speaker.   I'm so frustrated!!!  I thought it was just the dizziness that was a distraction, but now I'm wondering if it isn't something more.

So, will my mind return after I have this removed?  I'm so afraid that I will never think clearly again.  It is so frustrating and I think this is the scariest part of all!

Thanks!

Lyn

[leapyrtwins]

I am an accountant and I think very clearly.  Cognitive skills have not been an issue post op.  I have had no issues with doing my job.

Jan

[epodjn]

I know exactly what you mean by tripping over your words and having a hard time thinking and organizing thoughts. Somewhere in the past threads there is a discussion on this and someone posted an excellent article that talks about how your mind is so busy learning to deal with the new "normal" that it is a real drain on your brain and it takes longer to process. I really think this is true. I am 10 months out now and I am just starting to feel like I can think normally and clearly again, but I still have problems when I am stressed, tired, or storms are coming. It does get better though. When I think back to how cloudy my head felt those first few months after surgery I realize just how far I have come. Give it time, it will get better.
Julie

[wendysig]

Lyn,

Although this experience does seem to affect cognitive ability to some degree, at least for me, I believe a lot of it was stress.  I am now 15 months post-op and have no cognitive problems, except an occasional senior moment.  I think a lot of the problems people seem to haveare due to  the fact that we are using so much brain power understanding such really complex information  and we are so stressed it takes a toll on our normal abilities.  Yes, I do think you will be able to return to normal again --I'm no expert though,  just my humble opinion.

Best wishes,
Wendy

[sgerrard]

I agree, chances are very good that you will get back to normal - I think I did.

Your dizziness symptom will be especially taxing on your brain, and that should improve after treatment. Sometimes it takes a while, although often it is just a few months to get back to 100%. Meanwhile, try not to let it frustrate you. Give yourself a break, you have an uninvited guest in your head, and your are in the process of planning a fairly serious medical intervention. You're entitled.

Steve

[lawmama]

Very reassuring! 

This board has been such a blessing.   

Lyn

[tenai98]

After treatment, keep reading, doing puzzles anything to keep your mind active.  I took up knitting dishclothes...
JO

[Lilan]

I agree with what others have said. My thinking was MUCH worse before surgery, I think because of stress, dizziness, and the mind-space being taken up by all the research and decision-making (and stress again) that I was doing. 

I work as an editor in a pretty demanding environment, so I was very concerned about temporal lobe (language area) retraction, but I came out fine. I do notice once in a blue moon I'll transpose letters or not be able to think of a word as quickly as I did before in speech (not in writing, when you have an extra second to think anyway, but during quick banter) -- but it has not negatively affected my work at all. I just check everything twice!

As for reasoning, remembering -- I haven't noticed any deficit there (except, again, there are thing I probably remember less well from the year before my surgery, when I was so stressed!). Then again, I've always had a bad memory anyway! 

So, in all there may be very subtle changes, but I'm guessing comparable to what I'd be experiencing if I'd had *any* major health challenge over the last year.

[Debbi]

I have to agree with everyone else - I think that stress plays a huge role in memory and other cognitive abilities.  Once the darned thing was out, it's amazing how much better my brain functioned!   

Debbi

[Jim Scott]

Lyn ~

At the risk of this being a redundant post, I'll have to state that the stress of your brain adjusting to unilateral hearing input and the other issues associated with an acoustic neuroma, which can certainly slow down your cognitive processing ability, by all indications should resolve with time/healing.

Like Jan ('leapyrtwins'), I experienced little-to-no loss in my cognitive abilities pre-diagnosis or at any time during my recovery.  I believe that simply indicates how ANs resist conforming to anyone's template.   I would expect that once the stress of surgery is past and you have the time and the motivation to mentally 'regroup', your cognitive abilities will be just fine.  Mine are, and I'm a 'senior citizen' who had a large (4.5 cm) AN, successfully underwent both surgery and radiation - and I don't consider myself special.  Don't allow your temporary cognitive deficits to control your state of mind.  Any lingering cognitive deficits (I suppose I have a tiny amount but I'm unaware of them) won't affect your quality of life.  In my case, as my (adult) son assured me right after my surgery: "They wouldn't dare!"   He was indicating that I'm a 'fighter'.  I'll bet you are too, in which case, you'll be O.K. 

Jim 

[MamaGina]

I, too, have cognitive/communication issues since my surgery.  It is due to the cranial nerve damage.  I have trouble comprehending the words said to me sometimes and have difficulty word-finding and responding.  It causes me so much frustration!!

[Sue]

http://www.hearinglosshelp.com/articles/balancesystem.htm

Below is an excerpt from this article.  This will not tell you what to do about all of this, per se, but it does explain WHY this is happening.  This is an excellent article, I thought, and I wish I had been able to read this at the beginning of my AN journey.  I had so many of these symptoms long before I knew what was going on.  Time is on your side, and eventually things usually get better as your brain adjusts to doing things differently.

Sue in Vancouver USA



Unlikely as it seems, vestibular damage can cause memory problems. Here is why. When you damage your vestibular system, keeping your balance is now largely a conscious effort, not the automatic effortless procedure it once was. Consequently, those areas of your brain that you once just used for thought and memory, now must constantly work on keeping you balanced. As a result, your memory may suffer. You may grope for words when talking. You may easily forget what is being spoken about during a conversation. You may be easily distracted. You may have difficulty comprehending directions or instructions. You may have trouble concentrating and may feel disoriented at times.

You may also experience fatigue because keeping your balance is now no longer a subconscious event, but something that you must consciously work hard to maintain. All this work makes you tired!

Vestibular damage may also give rise to muscular aches and pains. This is because when your vestibulo-spinal reflex no longer works automatically, you have to consciously control your balance by making your muscles rigid and less relaxed as you strain to keep your balance. In addition, you may get headaches and a stiff/sore neck from trying to hold your head absolutely still so you won't feel dizzy or nauseous.

Finally, damage to your vestibular system can include emotional problems such as anxiety, frustration, anger and depression. Your feelings of self-confidence and self-esteem may plummet. You may feel vaguely uneasy. You may feel that something is wrong or unreal without knowing why.

If you have a damaged vestibular system, you won't necessarily have all of the above symptoms, but you may experience many of them.

[opp2]

I haven't read the entire thread, but I can tell you I've been having 'fun' with speech for the most part for about a year-18 months...ie I'm going to vacuum the lawn is a famous one...there are tons. I tell my kids it's not nice to make fun of Mom when I mix up my words, but dang it, sometimes it's pretty funny.

I feel your pain. Truly I do. As a police officer I need to be cognizant of what I'm writing and testifying too. My greatest fear is to mix up my words on the stand. I'm sure it will happen. I'm just hoping that when it does I recognize the blank or screwy looks from the Crown (ADA). 

I have faith this will pass. In time, all things will improve to acceptable standards.

Hang in there Girlfriend!

[moe]

Everyone's symptoms are SO very different before and after surgery.
I personally remember feeling that my brain wasn't as "fuzzy" after surgery. I could actually "think" clearer!
Well, here we are 3.4 years later, and my symptoms still vary. Now it's more of a problem with the deafness/tinnitus/feeling out of sorts in the enviornment.
So my cognitive issues never changed.
We are all so different. Just gotta accept the "new you," post op. You will be different. But you DO adjust.
Cheri- yea on your clean MRI!!
So Lyn, here's hoping for  more clarity and clear thinking for you post op (you are having surgery?)
Maureen

[epodjn]

Sue, thanks for finding and posting that article. It was so good and helped me so much the first time it was posted but I couldn't find it, haha. And Cheri, I couldn't agree with you more. Everyone will have a new "normal" but it's all do-able. Positive attitude is the most important part.
Julie