Hello from a Newb.

[Jayson]

All,
I just wanted to stop by and say that I am so glad that I found this site.  In some ways, I have felt alone in my journey with AN, but now I see that there are loads of people who can grasp what I've been going through.

I was wondering if there is anyone else whose AN has affected their career?  Since 1997 I have been an air traffic controller with the FAA.  I had Dr. Brackman and Dr. Schwartz do a Middle Fossa to attempt to save my hearing. (March 09)  Although my surgery was successful from the standpoint of total tumor removal and no facial paralysis, I am now totally deaf in my right ear.  Now, I don't meet the medical qualification to work in my chosen career field that I love so much.  I have stayed on with the gov't in a role that keeps me in touch with ATC, its just not the same.  I want so badly to return to my old job, but alas, there is no hope.

Its hard for me to get excited about this new job and that makes me feel like I'm being a big ol' baby.  I should feel lucky that I'm still employed in a bad economy right?  Don't get me wrong, I feel fortunate that I can still support my family and I enjoy a good salary, but its been quite difficult adjusting to my new career. 

Anyone else gone through this?  I would love to hear your story.

Thanks for listening.
Jayson

[Brendalu]

Jayson,

I am so glad you found this forum.  It is a great bunch of people and they are all so supportive.  I wasn't an air traffic controller, but I was a hair and makeup person.  I can no longer do that job and have found that my attention span isn't what it used to be.  I am four years out on a Translab and also completely deaf on my right side.  My left side still has eagle hearing, thank God!  I am on SSD, now and really wish I could find a job I can do.  I have looked and so far, no good.  Maybe a BAHA or Transear or Cochlear would help you and the government might reevaluate you.  I'm sure others will chime in and offer other suggestions.  I wish you the best and do keep us posted.  We care.
Brenda

[Sobes]

Hi Jayson,

I haven't had any career issues as of yet. I am a flight attendant based in BOS (living in Green Bay) and have been on voluntary furlough since Nov of 2008. My furlough is 30 months (unless called back sooner). In the meantime I've been working at a local hospital. I do not believe this new job will be affected but I too am concerned about my career as a flight attendant if I choose to return. I don't know how things are going to turn out yet with my hearing, etc. so perhaps there won't be an issue. My surgery is scheduled for Dec 22 in Madison. I am sorry to hear of your "loss" though. It is a blessing that you still have a well paying job, but also unfortunate that you had to give up something you enjoy so much. When did you have surgery? Is there any chance of your hearing returning?

Bren~

[Jayson]

Bren, 
I had my surgery on March 18, 2009.  During the surgery, Dr. Brackman used a device that can measure the brain's response to noise stimuli and he told me that I had good readings right up to the end of the tumor removal.  He also told me that chances were that the blood supply to the choclea was probably severed and that there would be very little chance of hearing restoration. 

As to your job as a flight attendant, well, if I'm not mistaken, you must have an airman's certificate to work as a flight attendant.  With that certificate usually comes medical standards.  Do you have to take a yearly flight physical?  If so, you might want to check the regulations to see if SSD will cause you to lose your medical.  I hope this does not cause you any more stress as I know all too well what you are going through right now.

Are you having the middle fossa surgery?  I'll mark on my calender the day of your surgery and will send up prayers for you.  Please let me know how you are doing.

[CHD63]

Jayson .....

Although I was already a retired school teacher when my AN was diagnosed, I wanted to welcome you to this forum of caring, supportive AN friends.

It has to be disappointing, to say the least, to embark on an involuntary career change because of your AN and resulting SSD.  Just curious, what are the standards for medical qualification regarding hearing?  Although you may not be a candidate for a cochlear implant, would some type of bone assisted (conducted) hearing aid (BAHA) meet the requirements?  It is certainly worth a shot to ask.  We have a number of forumites with success stories using a BAHA.

Best wishes.  Clarice

[Jayson]

Thank you Clarice for your kind words.  The regulations say that I must be able to hear a certain number of frequencies (I don't know which ones) at least 25db in both ears.

I have inquired about the use of a BAHA or Transear device and they said they that although these may help, they did not know how this would fit into satisfying the requirement of BOTH ears.  They said that it was possible to get waivers of certain medical conditions, but research would have to be done on these hearing devices.  To complicate the issue, air traffic controllers wear an earphone on one ear and they don't know how this would work if I have an earphone and a bone-conduction hearing device all on the same ear.  I need to be able to hear what is going on in the room as well as the pilots talking into my earpiece.

[Jim Scott]

Hi, Jayson - and welcome, although I know we all wish we'd never heard of - much less had - an acoustic neuroma. 

I was just retired at the time of my AN diagnosis and although I spent 25 years as a radio broadcaster, I had been out of that business for the decade preceding my retirement so I cannot credibly respond to your question regarding the affect of SSD on a career.  However, I can understand your melancholy over losing the ability to perform a job you clearly enjoyed. 

I don't see why you should feel guilty about your sense of loss and frustration over being barred from a job you liked and wanted, even though you were able to maintain your employment with the FAA.  You've experienced both a serious physical loss (partial hearing) and the loss of doing something you enjoyed and were obviously proud of.  That takes time to resolve.   Give yourself that time - and try to understand that you have a right to grieve over your very personal losses.   Of course you're fortunate to remain employed at a comfortable salary but you've experienced a life-changing event (AN surgery, unilateral deafness) and that can't be shrugged off.  Even your relative good fortune (remaining employed in a recession) can't surmount the harsh reality you're dealing with every day.  The good news is that nothing stays the same and you'll probably adjust to your new job, in time, if you chose to let go of the past and focus on the present and what awaits you right around the corner.  I trust you'll see better days ahead. 

Jim

[Sobes]

 
Hi Jayson,

Just curious...did Dr Brackman have any idea of why your hearing readings were good until the final process of tumor removal? Sorry to hear that it probably won't return I hope they can give you an implant or something that might help. Might you be able to return to your job if your hearing improves, whether naturally or artificially? I am not sure if SSD will affect my career. I just figured I would cross that bridge when it comes time...but I have definitely thought about it. They will require a physical upon return and yes, it will involve hearing tests, etc. It is a concern.

I am having middle fossa to try to save some hearing. Surgery is Dec. 22 (as of right now). All prayers are appreciated! Good luck to you and so glad to "meet" you

Bren~

[another NY postie]

Hi Jayson,

Just curious...did Dr Brackman have any idea of why your hearing readings were good until the final process of tumor removal? Bren~

Bren, I had the exact same thing (as did Donnalynn with her surgery).  I can't speak for you, Jayson, but for me,  my hearing nerve was perfectly intact and I did not lose the hearing until end of surgery due to the tumor being adhered to this tiny (size of a hair) artery that supplies blood between cochlea and hearing nerve.  For my surgery, Dr. Brackmann and Dr. Schwartz surmised that the blood supply was cut off when the tumor stuck a little to this artery.  Dr. Brackmann said it would take a miracle to get my hearing back.  As with all of this, it seems location, location, location!

So I, too, Jayson, ended up SSD on the right side with no facial paralysis and very little balance issues. 

I have yet to return to work as I am a classroom teacher of 12-14 yr olds and they gave me a bit more time as I am on my feet all day.  As a language teacher, I, too, fear that I may have a tough time doing my job but there are no requirements like you have for yours.  Someone is making that decision for you and that is always a bitter pill to swallow.  I think you will find that many have changed careers for a variety of reasons.  I hope you can find something else that you love as much as that job.  And you also should give yourself a break - yes, you have a job in a rough economy - but you have suffered a great loss and going from hearing to SSD and all that entails is not easy.  This "new normal" is not easy to accept and, even with all the gratefulness, you are still human.

Hang in there!
Cheryl

[Jayson]

Cheryl,

Yep, that is exactly what Dr. Brackman and Schwartz happened to me as well.  he said even though they are operating with some sort of microscope, that tiny blood vessel is very difficult to identify, much less remove a tumor from it.

I really appriciate all of the kind words and encouragement from everyone.  Its nice to know there are people out there who understand exactly what I'm going through.  Its tough sometimes, but it gets better all the time!

[wendysig]

Hi Jayson and welcome,

I'm sorry to know that you had to go through the first part of your AN journey feeling so alone.  I think you will find this forum to be a wonderful source of  information, compassion and occasional hilarity.  After all, laughter is the best medicine! 

I'm very sorry to hear that being SSD has affected your career so drastically.  After my AN surgery I also became SSD and have since had BAHA surgery.  Just for your information, you would still be able to hear even with an earphone over your good ear.  BAHA works through bone conduction and sends sound through the skull  directly to the cochlea in the good ear, so even if your good ear is covered, the cochlea in that ear will still pick up sound from the BAHA.  I don't know if this would improve your hearing enough for reinstatement at an air traffic controller, but is certainly worth looking into.  I just couldn't stand being SSD and love my Divino.  It has truly made a difference in my quality of life.

Best wishes,
Wendy

[Pooter]

Just thought I'd throw out there that Jenni said her updates from nurses included my hearing being still in tact up until very late into my 12 hour surgery.  I never asked why it went ultimately, though.

Regards,
Brian

[moe]

Hi Jayson,
So I take it you are rather new at your "new" job since your surgery?

No you're not being a big 'ol baby, just human

You have to go to work everyday and support your family, so it helps when you love your work, which you did! All part of the "new you" phenomenon post AN  surgery which no one gets but US.
There is  a lot of grieving going on for what "used" to be, and it is real.

Any way of changing  venues and going into a teaching type of position somehow in your old field?

Hang in there, enjoy your time with your family over the holidays and just keep your mind open to other possibilities.......it's all part of "the journey."
Peace,
Maureen

[DR]

This "new normal" is not easy to accept and, even with all the gratefulness, you are still human.

Very well said Cheryl.

Jayson - I have to agree with Maureen and everyone else, feeling down about not being able to continue in a career you love does not qualify you as a "big ol' baby", just a regular human being.  I wish I could do more than just offering my support, but feel free to ask questions, post comments and even vent when you need to do so!

- Dennis

[Jayson]

Thanks everyone for your kind words.  It helps more than I can express right now.

Dennis, I just read your blog and it actually made me smile.  Oh, the memories!  It really brougt me back to my experience at St. Vincents and LA. (especially the part about doing laps around the 6th floor) 

One thing I'll never forget about my time in LA was about 5 days after surgery, I was really doing well and, according to Dr. Brackman, recovering faster than most.  I decided to accompany my family on a trip to that Chinese theater where all the famous hand prints are in the sidewalk.  I assumed we would just park right in front of the theater, look around and then leave.  Boy, what a mistake I made going that night because we had to park about 1/4 of a mile away.  I told everyone that I would be fine and that I should push my youngest son's stroller. (for balance)  Well, needless to say after reaching the theater, I, as well as my wife, thought I was about to die.  I guess that is what Dr. Brackman meant when he said, "don't over do it"

Anyway, I enjoyed reading your blog.

Jayson