1 year anniversary 2/6

[kma]

This Saturday (2/6) will be my 1 year a/n surgery anniversary.  

I don't know why but this week, I've had a case of the blues.  I feel sad for some reason ~ maybe it's relief ~ maybe it's because this whole past year has been overwhelming to me ~ my surgery ~ my recovery ~ baha surgery ~ my new normal ~ it's been so much to absorb and I don't think a day has gone by without my thinking about it in some way.  I've become much more inactive and have eaten way too many "not good for you" things.  I had my first post-op MRI about a week ago and go for my results in about a week ~ I'm expecting it to be rather uneventful as I think even if my tumor were to regrow it would take a long time for it to show up.  My body has been on quite a ride ~ seems like all my hormones have been awakened ~ changes in my hair and my skin and a bunch of girlie stuff that I won't put in writing (you're welcome).  Maybe it's just a smack in the face flash of mortality ~ not sure ~ just wish I were able to have a good bout of crying and get it all over with ~ can't seem to squeeze those darn tears out ~ they just hide out in the background!!  

I'm starting a new chapter this week and I am going to do my best to make it a good one ~ happy and healthy and yes, as always, a good handfull of M&Ms (I do believe they make life better).  

So, thanks again for giving me a place to vent and I wish all things good and happy and healthy for all of my ANA friends.  

xo Kathy

[Kaybo]

Kathy~
This has been a heck of a year for you and you should be proud of all you have overcome and accomplished!  It is a lot to absorb, though. For some of us, this is more of an adjustment than others. I know that you are an inspiration to those around you, even if you don't feel like it!  PM me your number if you ever want to chat!

K 

[Betsy]

Hi Kathy,

That first year can be challenging.  Your body is recovering, plus you're dealing with all the emotions involved in dealing with loss and simply being different than before.  Facing that first annual MRI is also daunting, but it may be a turning point too.

My first year, I thought about my AN all the time too.  Because of my bad balance and fear of falling, I was spending days on the couch, which just made things worse.   Then, two things happened.  I saw proof on the MRI that my AN was dying (necrosis), and I started seeing some real improvement in my balance thanks to vestibular therapy.  Gradual improvement, but measurable.  The second year, I adjusted to my "new reality" and things slowly started getting better.  This winter has been pretty good actually, and sometimes I forget there's a dead lump of tissue in my head for days at a time.

Recovery has many layers, and it takes longer for some of us to work through the process.  You will be fine, in your own time.  There's no timeline so don't feel like you have to measure up to anyone else.

I admire your bravery for facing not one, but TWO surgeries within the past year!  I think you're doing great!

Best wishes to you as you embark on year 2!

Betsy

[Brendalu]

Congratulations, Kathy...you made it through your first year with your new self.  Give yourself a hug because I am too far away.  For me feeling blue, have a pity party on occasion , is a way of life.  It's all okay.  You can grieve for the person you lost, but also celebrate the person you have become.
We are sorry you had to meet us all this way, but this is an awesome group of people and you fit right in.

Hugs,
Brenda

PS The further out you get from your surgery, the fewer tunnel of doom you have to endure!!

[Jim Scott]

Kathy ~

Happy anniversary!

I won't be so presumptuous as to offer you advice but I appreciate your honesty and I hope you can surmount the things that are getting between you and the contentment I want you to enjoy.  Change is always hard and post-AN people have to endure many changes, even those of us who had pretty good outcomes.  I've tried to focus outward with less attention to whatever deficits or impediments my AN, surgery and radiation imposed.  This often has beneficial effects.  I'm simply stating what has worked for me.  I wish you a 2nd post-op year chock full of tranquility and new horizons. 

Jim 

[bubbles]

Kathy,this might sound strange but some  of us, like myself ,read your post and know you have gone through tough times and still seem to be so positive.I speak for me it seem when I am on a pity party,post like yours gives me hope.I did not opt for surgery, like you,instead opted for cyberknife 6 months ago,for hearing preservation,and end up loosing ALL my hearing.You ,as well as others,with all your set backs help me stay positive throughout all my downers. I hope at 1 year I can still be as positive as you. I wish you another year of goodness

[sues1953]

Hi Kathy.

I can relate to your trying to squeeze out tears.  I think if I could just have a good cry everything would be better.  You are a brave women to have been though all that you have.  I have not had surgery as of yet still seeking the best Dr. for treatment.  I was diagnosed about 6 weeks ago and have not cried one tear.

I do hope that your ordeal is coming to an end and that your MRI confirms that.  People on this forum are life savers for people like me.  Keep your chin up.  Thank you for your post.

Best Regards., 
Sue

[leapyrtwins]

Congratulations, Kathy!

Keep your chin up and stockpile the M&M's - they have healing powers 

Jan