depression is depressing; need prayers for daughter

[Keri]

Hi,
Some of you know about my family - oldest daughter is autistic and lives at home, middle one is in the USAF, and my 'baby' is 16. She comes across as so personable, sweet, funny, silly, creative. But she has struggled with panic attacks and now depression and even some self injurious behavior. She thinks she has no friends (but honestly, she really does have a good core group of friends who care), she gets totally stressed about school (we don't put undo pressure on her), and she gets really stressed out in new social situations (which I wish she could see that this is natural and many of us do). I had wanted to avoid her getting on anti-depressants, but then we came to a point where we needed to do something else than just counseling. So she started some meds almost 2 weeks ago. The last few days she started getting really anxious about school again and just seemed worse, her mood was dark and dull (as in, lifeless - she's usually so much more lively). I tried to get her up for school the other days and she started getting ready then just fell down. Tried to get her up again... seeing if she could just push herself to make it at least through lunch, thinking that once she got to school she'd get her mind off her depression. But that didn't work. She just sat there and said she wanted to die. Took her back to the doc - after talking to her he wasn't convinced that she wouldn't do something to harm herself, so he recommended hospitalization. So, now she's in an adolescent psychiatrict unit and will remain there for a week or more, until they feel she's safe to go home.

Here's some of my questions and misconceptions about depression -

is there a forum like this one? or a good internet site about depression that any of you would recommend?
i tend to be the type that says, ' just DO something... don't just sit there because it will just get worse.. you'll dwell on it more, etc' since i don't understand this type of depression, this total apathy is confusing. i'm learning that it may not be due to 'something big' that happened to her. in fact, she just doens't know why she's depressed.
i'm trying to work with her on some hobbies she enjoys (baking) that we can do together to help someone (give away the baked good, care packages, etc). i guess i always felt this type of thing would, again, get their mind off what's wrong.
i have to balance these 'get moving and motivated' ideas with the fact that this is a chemical thing and she really needs help. just seeing her and feeling so badly over her hopelessness is difficult -what can we do to help?
that said - she does dramatize things sometimes - how to you know when it's an exaggeration and when it's real?
my husband and i just need to learn more. we don't want to be afraid to set limits, discipline, etc just because she might 'melt down.'
finally, it's just hard to see your child, with so many good positive things going for her (she's just a wonderful girl) feeling so bad about herself.

we have such limited visiting hours, and the place is kind of far away. we're about to get smacked with a huge snow storm and probably won't be able to see her until sunday or monday now.

prayers and advice are welcome!
thank you to all my AN friends,
keri

[saralynn143]

Oh Keri, my prayers are with you. Check to see if you have a local NAMI (National Association for Mental Illness)  chapter. They can help you find support groups. If there is no local group there should be a state one. They will also have tons of educational material available to answer your may questions.

From your post it sounds like she may need an adjustment in medication. It can take up to six weeks for depression medications to become effective, and sometimes they work differently on adolescents than for adults.

Finally, don't blame yourself or worry about looking for an event that triggered this. As you said, it is a chemical imbalance and it can be treated successfully.

Best wishes to you and your daughter. I'll keep her (and you) in my prayers.

Sara

[leapyrtwins]

Keri -

I don't really have any suggestions for you, but Saralynn's sound very good.

Prayers to you and your daughter,

Jan

[texsooner]

Keri, sorry I don't have experience with this or any magical words to offer, but I can offer prayers to you and your daughter. It sounds like you are doing the best you can.

Patrick

[tenai98]

Keri
My heart goes out to you iwth tons of prayers...It does take time for med to work and it takes time to find the right meds..I know, my partner is manic depressive and it has taken some time to find the right meds...Finally, last yr we saw a new doc and this doc put him on new meds...What a different person.
JO

[sues1953]

Keri

This must be so difficult for you and my heart goes out to you and your family.  I do have some experience with teenagers and have dealt with depression myself.  I agree with Sara, it takes time for meds to work and then you have to find the right medicine and the right dose.  Your daughter getting worse after starting medication is a red flag to me.  Please don't beat yourself up about this is sounds to me as if you are doing all the right things.

Any of us that have had teenagers, especially girls, and I have had both, know that they do tend to be dramatic and blow things out of proportion.  I hope she can get the help she needs with the right Dr's and medication.

God Bless You and give you strength.  You are in my prayers.   Sue

[Kaybo]

Oh Keri, my heart is just breaking for you...I know this must be tearing you up.  Know that you, your daughter and your entire family is in my prayers and that I know that God will guide you thru this difficult time.  I also don't have any answers to your questions but want to offer my support.  Do you think it is any way related to the fact that she has a sibling with special needs and considerations?  I only ask this because one of my very good friends has a son with Down syndrome and she is always very concerned about this for her other son...PEACE to you all during this stressful time...

Love & Hugs to you!
K

[lori67]

Oh, Keri.. you're right.. your life is not dull!

I don't have any first-hand experience with any of the things you're dealing with so I don't have any advice to offer.  I hope the doctor can find a medication that works for her - I do know that sometimes it takes some trial and error to get the right one.  It must be hard to be patient in the mean time, but know that you are doing the best thing for her.  You're keeping her safe and that's your job as a mom.

I do recall being a teenage girl was difficult - and I can only imagine that it's much more difficult these days and I'm sure she's under a lot of stress from all angles.  I hope the doctors and counselors will help her find a way to deal with it all.

I will keep your family in my prayers. Keep us posted.
Lori

[msmaggie]

Keri,
As the others have said, I have no magic words but offer earnest prayers and good thoughts to get you and your loved ones through this experience.  My heart aches for you because I know what it is like to be helpless while watching a loved one in pain.  Keep in touch and know that we are here to listen.

Priscilla

[Cheryl R]

Keri, I am sorry to hear of the anguish you and family are going thru.      This has to be so hard when one doesn't really know what they need to do to be of the best help.            I do know that some anti depressants can cause problems in teenagers to make them have worse problems.     Mine comes with a warning paper about this with every refill.   The dr has to know about this and may be why he wanted her to be in the care she is for the time being.          You need to be able to talk to us or a depression group to help keep you going ok.               Hang in there and take it all day by day.       
                                                           Cheryl R

[pjb]

I am so sorry I wish I had more to offer but my daughter around 14 to 16 we went through alot I had her go to a psycotherapist and it seem to help maybe when your daughter comes home have her go somewhere local and talk to either a clergy or therapist maybe she will open up to them along with medication if one does not work have them try something else.

My prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.

Pat

[Brendalu]

Keri,

It may be a good thing that there is going to be a snow storm...from what I am told by a good friend (the administrator at an adolescent mental health facility near me) kids who are admitted need time away from family.  She says that they need a down time and to find out what is really going on with them without the pressure of putting on a "good" face for family and friends.  As hard as it is listen to what the care center says.  I am sure you will be involved in some of her therapy sessions.  Your daughter may have a chemical imbalance and just need some meds and some "talk" sessions.  These are very hard times for kids.  They see parents losing jobs, worry about siblings going to war, the peer pressure in high schools is at an all time high, so are the expectations to succeed in all fields of endeavour.  Life i s hard for a lot of kids.  She may be facing being bullied over something at school.  Talk to her friends or her friend's parents.  Talk to her teachers, ask them what has changed in her in their eyes.
My sixteen year old grand daughter suffered form seizures.  She had every test known to man and woman.  Nothing could be found.  One very wise and smart child neurologist suggested a different kind of blood test and a new look at an MRI of her brain.  Very evident in the work she did was a chemical imbalance.  When she takes her tiny pill everyday, there are no more seizures, no more panic attacks, no more need for anger management.  Through therapy she has learned how to divert her anger in useful ways.
I am keeping you, your daughter and the rest of your family in my thoughts and prayers.  Your daughter has a lot on her plate with a brother in the Air Force (worry) and a sister who is autistic.  That's a lot of a parent, but for a teen going through so many changing it can be life altering.
Hugs,
Brenda

[moe]

Keri,
My heart goes out to you and your family. Good responses by all.
(My youngest of 3 is a 16 year old male. I worry about him a lot. He's a very smart kid, but holds things in, doesn't communicate well,will get sullen when under a lot of stress. It's like pulling teeth to get him to talk sometime.)

It is such a tough time for teens right now, especially the girls as mentioned. Sounds like you have good communication going on, she just needs to work through her "issues" and find the right medication.

Hang in there, prayers to your daughter to come through this as painlessly as possible. YOU TOO.
Maureen

[Nickittynic]

Hello from another Marylander!
It sounds like you are really doing everything for her you can reasonably be expected to do, and then some. Hopefully this little 'vacation' will give her time in a safe place to get the meds working (I'm sure they told you it's common for things to get worse before they get better on antidepressants) before coming back to 'real life'. Hopefully they will hook her up with some good resources as well.
You could refer her to the group "To Write Love On Her Arms". I think they are kind of geared more towards teens/young adults and have a lot of resources listed on their page - http://www.twloha.com/find-help/
We will keep you all in our thoughts! good luck with the snow - just started coming down over here.

[suboo73]

Hi Keri,

My thoughts and prayers are with you, your daughter and your family at this time.

Please see my PM.

Sincerely,

Sue