depression is depressing; need prayers for daughter

[Jim Scott]

Keri ~

Although most of can't offer specific advice due to a lack of experience with this issue (teen-age depression) we can certainly empathize with you - especially the folks who are parents - and do what we do best: offer you our wholehearted support as you and your family struggle with this vexing problem.  Of course, your daughter, you and your husband will be in our prayers.  I truly hope your girl, with the help of doctors and, most of all, her loving parents, can find her way back to normalcy soon. 

Jim 

[ginger21]

Kari,

I must tell you my heart does go out to you and your family. When we were in high school and my sister was 15 she went through the same thing your daughter is goig through now. She was consumed with depression, she did not want to go to school, see or talk with any of her friends. My mom found it very difficult to even get her out of bed. All she wanted to do was sleep all day. One day she swallowed a whole bottle of tylenol. My mom took her to the ER and because she made an attempt to harm herself. She was hospitalized. In the youth hospital she went to. They were really able to give her the help she really need. It did take several medications before her Dr was able to find one that worked for her. My sister came through it ok, she stayed in the hospital for 3 months and contunited counsuling for several years afterwards. She was able to go off her medication after one year. I wanted to tell you this to encourge you. My sister is now 36 and has been a very happy well adjusted person, and was able to over come all the problems she had with depesstion in her teen years.

You will be in my prayers,

Ginger

[Jill Marie]

Hi Keri,

Believe it or not tonight while I was at the club I read an article in the paper about depression.  I keep the In Life section of our paper and read it at the club, I collect the paper through out the year so in the Winter when I go to the club I have something I enjoy to read.  It has helpful info., food recipes & the comics, etc.  I mention this because it is odd that tonight I read the article from last June then when I get on the board I see your post.  Hopefully a little bit of what the article says can help in some way.  The article suggests that all teens be screened for depression because it is so prevalent amongst that age group.  I realize it doesn't help much to know that your daughter isn't alone.  They stress the fact that they wish more time was spent trying to find out what is causing the depression and instead of doing some testing then prescribing medication.  They believe that more teens could be helped by getting to the source of the problem then by medicating.  One girl went to  "art therapy" - painting or making sculptures with a therapist who simultaneously used the sessions to draw out the teenager's emotional problems.  The girls sister had recently died and she wasn't able to deal with it on her own.  When I read Kaybo's post it made me think of the article I read, perhaps your daughter is worried about her older sisters & how it affects her life.  Perhaps she has added in your medical issues as well.  I can't speak about your oldest daughters Autistic issues but I can about your middle daughters involvement in the USAF as my youngest has been in the Army for 7 years.  I know that affects how my husband & I feel as it does our oldest son, it actually changes our daily lives.  Of course you know that.  I'm truly hoping that your daughter is just over stressed about being a teenager and confused about how to deal with that and/or some issues with her siblings and that a good long talk(or several good long talks) with someone that will listen to her and help her figure out why she feels the way she does, will help her.  As much as we wish we as parents could be that person, we just can't sometimes.  Take Care, Jill

[Keri]

Thank you everyone. It helps to read the advice and similar stories. 
We are totally snowed in. I get to call Noely on the phone but probably won't see her until Monday. She does have friends there at the hospital (a bunch of other adolescent girls) and she likes how everyone is open with each other.
I know the Lord will help us through this. I am learning more talking to a few other parents. It is kind of a bummer that the medication takes so long to see which will work, what it will do, etc. One of her social workers suggested to me that her having a special needs sister could affect her. I don't know why, but I had never thought about that.
I'll keep you posted. Thanks as always for prayer and support.
Going to go do some some shovel therapy!
Keri

[4cm in Pacific Northwest]

Keri,

HUGS to you and your daughter.

The GOOD thing is that there is identification that there is a problem… (That is THE biggest step)


Physiological (medical ) issues
Somethings that you may want to rule out:

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD)

•   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder
•   http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/seasonal-affective-disorder/DS00195


PMS Depression?
•   http://www.all-on-depression-help.com/pms-depression.html
•   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Premenstrual_syndrome

Serotonin deficiency?
•   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serotonin
•   http://www.livestrong.com/article/29871-signs-serotonin-deficiency/

Diabetes undiagnosed ?
•   http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/diabetes-and-depression/AN02011
•   
Know I am NOT a medical practioner but a former high school teacher who has written many referrals and has seen various outcomes.


Psychological Issues ?
Often there is also a psychological aspect to this… and self-esteem often can be related to the distorted sense of beauty get- when teens are exposed to the media

Self image issues?
I have often used this video to prompt discussion with high school-age girls
•   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhCn0jf46U

And this one with middle school and younger
•   http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1731400614466797113#

There is currently a very dangerous girl culture out there that many parent s are not aware of.
No doubt you are aware that many younger girls get caught up into the Disney “Hannah Montana” pop culture scene. Many parents think this is very innocent.

There is real life role model behind that actress Miley Cyrus who plays Hannah Montana. Many people (parents) do NOT realize the behind the scene scandals ("Miley Cyrus Vanity Fair" photos) that have happened with that actress (much as Brittany Spears was exploited) and that that teen actor is now retaliating back with her own mean girl culture… and media work.

Miley Cyrus now has her own video(s) that has caused much concern amidst parents, teachers and counselors (this is geared at very young girls. In my youngest daughters former 4th grade class some of the girls were singing it and acting it out on the playground.)
Watch this
•   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5an4vN6bFnc
(I personally find this VERY disturbing)

I am now realizing that my (then) 13 year-old daughter also went through a certain amount of trauma when I returned home from AN tumor surgery with many complications. (She would not share this with me as she felt I had enough on my plate with my recovery …and did not want to worry me. Role reversal almost as she was trying to protect me.) When she saw me with a walker, 1/2 deaf, and total facial palsy (was a 6 on the HB scale initially) she was privately trying to deal with this at an impressionable and vulnerable age. I did not have full facial nerve recovery and I know this is hard for her when she sees how other girls (and even Mom’s) respond/react to me- when they do not know the circumstances or me as a person (ie not just a face). We are in a culture that places WAY too much emphasis in superficial beauty… in this scary PLASTIC era of “girl culture”. Now she is more mature and a sophomore in high school she has since shared with me how cruel the girls in middle school were to her- particularly my 1st year after surgery when I was still in recovery.

(Know I have pulled daughter #2 out of that school at her request once I realized how dysfunctional and toxic that parochial school community was there. I was amazed at how many parents were so obsessed with their own personal and professional fulfillment that they just paid others (tuition) to raise their kids… and were so clueless as to what was going on with their child’s peers- at school, and at sleep over’s etc.)

I have also known teens to hit a deep depression after a traumatic event – or what they "felt" was a traumatic event.

Post Traumatic stress is something to consider
•   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Posttraumatic_stress_disorder

While your daughter is away in care, for a stint, you may want to do some investigation as to what was actually going on in her peer culture girl word. Try to find out what music she was listening to, what she was watching … and what websites might be in her cache history. There may be something going on she is not willing to divulge to others (parents). However you will have to be SOOH careful how this is done.

Often people who are very depressed feel overwhelmed and powerless in their lives. If it is perceived that she is being controlled- this can magnify this.

I often found, back when I was teaching in the ‘80’s, that psychologists and physiciatrist did not always see eye to eye. Hopefully over the years there is more respect and understanding of the two approaches to problem solving- especially in teenage depression.

Similar to other medical issues- the recovery takes a team approach.

It would be helpful if your daughter’s recovery team included:
•   A pediatrician
•   An OBGYN who can help with hormone issues that could be magnifying depression.
•   A psychiatrist
•   A counseling psychologist
•   A good healthy peer age friend/confidant
•   All parent parties


It is nice if there is open communication and they are all on the "same page" as far as treatment. (  Kind of like having a neurotologist, a neurosurgeon, am ENT, a PC, and a physical therapist, and ophthalmologist, ALL working to together to get a AN patient recovered- as a comparison model)

It is also important to keep that fact that she is being "hospitalized for mental health" as confidential as possible- so when she does come out she can face teachers, peers and others- not feeling she is being "talked or gossiped' about (which again will make her feel embarrassed and powerless)

It is important the she is empowered to indentify the problem and issues that are overwhelming her (even if these are chemical or physiological) … so she is the one in control (and not feeling powerless) driving down recovery road.


Here is a GREAT resource link
Teen Depression
A GUIDE FOR PARENTS AND TEACHERS
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen.htm

Be sure that you also get support for YOU (the caregiver)

MEGA CYBER HUGS being sent your way- from Oregon.

DHM
(Fellow Mom of teenage and TWEENage girls)

[4cm in Pacific Northwest]

is there a forum like this one? or a good internet site about depression that any of you would recommend?

Here is one
http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=support_findsupportlanding

I do not know of it but it was linked to the website “helpguide.org” I gave you on my above post
Teen Depression
A GUIDE FOR PARENTS AND TEACHERS
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen.htm

This is who helpguide.org is and what they are all about
http://www.helpguide.org/about.htm

Hope you can glean something in there that will be helpful to you and your daughter.

DHM

[ppearl214]

is there a forum like this one? or a good internet site about depression that any of you would recommend?

Here is one
http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=support_findsupportlanding

I do not know of it but it was linked to the website “helpguide.org” I gave you on my above post
Teen Depression
A GUIDE FOR PARENTS AND TEACHERS
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen.htm

This is who helpguide.org is and what they are all about
http://www.helpguide.org/about.htm

Hope you can glean something in there that will be helpful to you and your daughter.

DHM

Oh, my DazyHazyMazy, you rawk! Thanks for sharing all of this very valuable info! 
xo
Pearly Whites 


Keri, you know I have thoughts and prayers that things will calm down, fall into place and things will turn around for you all. I have been following along and send good vibes your way that this insight folks have shared here will be helpful. Hang in there, Keri!

xo
Phyl

[Keri]

It's been a while since i responded to this post. Things got really crazy with the 3 snow storms. We lost power (and internet, etc) for 3 days. Things are sort of back to normal. I so appreciate your thoughtful comments and website links (WOW DHM - your helpful response probably took hours - thank you)!. Several of you have PM'd me and i haven't had the chance to even reply to your nice notes.
Things were going better but took a bad turn last night. My daughter is backk in the hospital. Most of the time she seems fine, with some depression and school stress and other teen things, but then there are times this - whatever it is - takes such a dark turn and she wants to die. Last night she had a bad episode of cutting (not life threatening, but extremely scary nontheless) and we called 911 and she was taken to the  hospital, then readimitted to the psychiatric hospital.
I've been through some things in life, but this is taking the cake. All the confusion - which med? no med (my preference)?  is this hospital right or is it making her worse? how can we know she's not going to be suicidal in 5 minutes when she seems fine now? etc etc When you see her at her best or even what we would say is her normal, you would never believe she was struggling like this. Nothing specific seems to set these dark moods of wanting to die off.
Anyway, sorry for all the gloom and doom. My husband is really taking it rough. Please pray for all of us - for wisdom in treatment, for her to have hope and peace, for her 'real' self to come back. I hope I don't freak anyone out with all these details or too much information.
Thank you all,
Keri

[suboo73]

Keri,

HUGS to you and your daughter.

The GOOD thing is that there is identification that there is a problem… (That is THE biggest step)

It would be helpful if your daughter’s recovery team included:
•   A pediatrician
•   An OBGYN who can help with hormone issues that could be magnifying depression.
•   A psychiatrist
•   A counseling psychologist
•   A good healthy peer age friend/confidant
•   All parent parties

It is nice if there is open communication and they are all on the "same page" as far as treatment. (  Kind of like having a neurotologist, a neurosurgeon, am ENT, a PC, and a physical therapist, and ophthalmologist, ALL working to together to get a AN patient recovered- as a comparison model)

It is also important to keep that fact that she is being "hospitalized for mental health" as confidential as possible- so when she does come out she can face teachers, peers and others- not feeling she is being "talked or gossiped' about (which again will make her feel embarrassed and powerless)

It is important the she is empowered to indentify the problem and issues that are overwhelming her (even if these are chemical or physiological) … so she is the one in control (and not feeling powerless) driving down recovery road.

DHM
(Fellow Mom of teenage and TWEENage girls)

Oh Keri - Here are more hugs from me to you, your husband, your daughter, and extended family. 
What a challenging time you are having...but you know we are ALL pulling for you!

DHM stated so many practical items - things we often don't see as parents or ones close to the situation.
I agree about a treatment 'team' - and if you have to research/select these docs like you do the ones for AN treatment, than that is ok.
In particular, i agree with DHM's final statement, "It is important that she is empowered to identify the problem and issues that are overwhelming her, so she is the one in control..."  In my experience, this is one of the hardest parts - trying to explain to a younger person to take control, don't let 'it' control you, and be proactive when seeking assistance.

I am thinking of you and your family today and saying many, many, many more prayers.
May your daughter find hope and peace (soon) in the coming days.

Sincerely,
Sue

[Kaybo]

Oh Keri, I had hoped that things were getting better...I will just pray harder.  Those are just tough years & tougher for some than others.  Have there been any talk of her just being overwhelmed by a brother in the service (&her fear of deployment for him) & a sister with special needs?  I would think that along with regular teen hormones and stuff would just about break me!

Love you girl...hope this season passes SOON! 

K

I Peter 5:7 - "Cast all your anxiety on him, because he cares for you."

[leapyrtwins]

Keri -

prayers to you and yours.

Jan

[4cm in Pacific Northwest]

Things were going better but took a bad turn last night. My daughter is backk in the hospital. Most of the time she seems fine, with some depression and school stress and other teen things, but then there are times this - whatever it is - takes such a dark turn and she wants to die. Last night she had a bad episode of cutting (not life threatening, but extremely scary nontheless) and we called 911 and she was taken to the  hospital, then readimitted to the psychiatric hospital.
I've been through some things in life, but this is taking the cake. All the confusion - which med? no med (my preference)?  is this hospital right or is it making her worse? how can we know she's not going to be suicidal in 5 minutes when she seems fine now? etc etc When you see her at her best or even what we would say is her normal, you would never believe she was struggling like this. Nothing specific seems to set these dark moods of wanting to die off.

This should have you VERY concerned. Are there any signs that your daughter is part of the "Emo" culture at high school?

“EMO” Defined
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emo

Here is an article worth a read
http://www.helium.com/items/724442-the-negative-effects-of-emo-culture

Quote from the article
On a more dangerous level is the cliche of cutting. Emo kids are known for this breed of self-destruction. Usually cutting is a cry for attention or even an attempt to look cool, as strange as that sounds. It is usually not synonymous with suicide attempts or even being suicidal, though these are not unheard of amongst emo kids as well. However, that does not make the practice any less disturbing. Some teenagers have even killed themselves on accident through cutting. The idea that a culture is perpetuating the idea of slicing your body open with dirty razorblades is clearly a cause for distress.



Cutting is actually very serious... and should NOT be taken lightly. Again I suggest that you do some investigation into her cultural world... but again as I mentioned before be SOOH careful as to how this is done. You will need to look at Internet sites she has visited, listen to her music (I-pod, MP3 etc) and find out  â€œif” she has a negative influential peer that is dominating her. It also would to be wise to see “if” she is involved in drugs... as what "could" be happening is you are witnessing her coming down (from a high).

Here is a link to the Emo culture's rebuttal to this... (ie pro-EMO)... they have their right of free speech. Nevertheless I still see this as a "cult" ... that caring loving parents need to direct their kids (teens almost young adults) AWAY from
http://www.luv-emo.com/emo-cutting.html


For some kids this culture can just be a "passing fad" as they try to find their place in high school and later in adult youth society... and nothing more. (We all did wild things against our parents values at one time or another- teen rebellion is normal.) For others, who are more deeply already troubled, this can be a very dangerous CULT to participate in.

It is important that parents are informed as to what prevalent teen cultures are out there. Many think because their kids are at home they are in a safe environment- meanwhile right under there noses their kid is on the internet with people they would never allow into the home... as the parent is oblivious. When a teens life is threatened then it is time to open the closet, look into the computer's cache, get the cell phone statement of what is specifically in those text messages etc.

Keri- you and your family are in my prayers. GIANORMOUS HUGS to you.

Daizy Head Mazy (DHM)

P.S. Maybe you can glean some good helpful resources from this link
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm

[Jill Marie]

Keri,  So sorry to hear that your daughter is back in the hospital.  As so many have said, teen years are hard and there is no quick fix.  DHM has really given you a lot of good info., hopefully between that, your research and the doctors they can help your daughter feel good about life again.  My oldest was quite depressed for over a year and through counseling is doing much better now, enrolled in college, has minor setbacks now and then but don't we all.  Don't hesitate to let us know how it's going, Jill

[stoneaxe]

So sorry to hear about your daughter Keri. I can't imagine anything hurting more than seeing her go through this. Our thought are with her and you.

[CHD63]

Keri .....

I was away from the forum for quite awhile and am just now catching up with this thread.  You have not posted on this thread for over a week.  I hope and pray it means things have been going better.

Having taken three kids through the teenage years, I know it is not an easy time.  The smarter and more sensitive they are, the harder those years are ..... I suspect your daughter is both.

My thoughts and many prayers.

Clarice