Gee guys,
Prior to my surgery, I really struggled to understand people's medical issues - as a guy who was into sport a lot, I was lucky to never get badly injured so never really needed to see a doctor. It's not until "it happens to you" that people understand. Now I can offer a little advice to those of you having difficulties with your bosses. I have done a fair bit of people coaching in the past and this process does help people understand what you are going through.
Bullet point your key circumstances
1. kids, partner / other dependants
2. your professional status - key positions held
3. length of time at current work - long term servant of company
Bullet point the headlines of your op.
1. identify that it was a brain tumour - thats a growth pressing on the brain. Without doing anything, I would ventually die.
2. How long the surgery was and how many doctors were involved
3. identify the riskiness of the op - the downsides such as facial paralysis, drye eye - don't mention headaches coz that will be viewed that it could affect your daily judgement.
4. provide a picture with the bandage on your head.
5. Identify, that it happens to one in ?? not sure of stat and its random. It could grow in anyones head.
Now, the above is designed to give your boss a very small appreciation of what you have been through
Do not provide the sympathy angle if you are experiencing financial difficultuies coz that will overshaow what you are trying to achieve.
Now, with that info, arrange a 1 hour meeting with your boss
here comes the tricky bit and i suggest that you practice with yourself first. It's simply called Role modelling. when you are in a room with a table and two chairs facing opposite each other (this is very important) sit down and virtually the first thing you say, and its very important that you don't go into pleasantries first like how are you. you say "boss's name" I would like to discuss the way I am being viewed following my brain surgery. Can we role model please.
Instantly, you stand up, leaving your bullet points piece of paper where you were sitting, and say "lets swap places". Now this might seem a little silly but its designed to get your boss to see things from a different angle - now its fitting into place isn't it.
Next you tell your boss that you appreciate that its difficuult for anyone to understand what i went through so i have briefly identified my circumstances so you are familiar with them.
Now, this is the tough but most critical bit, tell you boss that for the next 20 minutes, he/she is to be you. That is, for purpose of the mtg, swap roles.
You then, in an unthreatening manner, start to question the key issues such as time off etc,
e.g Now Fred, why do you need all this time off?
if your boss is serious about this, and you'll need to coach hin/her a little, he should start defending by saying, well, I had this major surgery, and i need to see the doctors regularly, I need to spend time with my kids etc.
Hopefully, through this process you will have a more sympathetic boss.
I strongly suggest that you practice on your own a little first and try and be your boss. This means saying, I need time off..... then you physically get up and change seats and respond to how your boss would react. This will help you say things in a different way so that you can achieve results.
This is a major process and if you embark on it, be careful that you are well planned and versed in the process. It does take time to master but I have found it very successful in working with difficult people.
good luck
Laz.
