Getting really nervous!!!

[GramaSuby]

So its 1:30am and I just got back from getting my grandkids ready for  bed(they have been asleep since 8:30) and I'm now stressing out about my translab coming up next Thur.  My stomach is in a knot and I catch myself forgetting to breathe.  Up until now I have been impatiently waiting for my surgery date to get here but suddenly today I am actually getting scared.  I have so many questions and try to imagine how the day will go starting w/ getting up at 4am. What will be next once I get there, what will the or rm look like, who will be there and what do they look like, what will be going on while I'm asleep( just plain curiosity!) exactly how I'll feel when I wake up in recovery, what I'll be hooked up to in ICU, what my head looks like w/ bandages on and later how much hair did they shave off, what will my incision look like, and especially whether or not I will have facial paralysis (my biggest fear).
At night for the past couple of months I lay awake at night and think of all that and it takes hours sometimes to get to sleep. I usually just get up and try later.  So I'm just putting this out there to get it off my mind if only for a little while.  I'm sure I'm making too big of a deal about this stupid little alien in my head.  Anyway, I'm glad the ANA has a place like this to get support. Thanks, Sue

[moe]

Sue,
No need to apologize! You're having brain surgery!
Really, though, I'll give you a brief synopse of my day, and you'll wake up with a big bandage around your head with the AN side all fluffed up with extra bandage. And an IV of course, and the little oxygen thing on the finger. Maybe will have oxygen through the nose.

Have you had surgery before?

You get there, go to pre op, change into your OR nightey, go to your preop room.

 People come in and out-the nurse, anesthesiologist, maybe the resident, surgeon.They ask you the same question over and over again.
Some one starts the IV.
You (finally) get rolled into the OR. It's cold in there, lots of activity, lights. I got my "versed" in the waiting area so I was already feeling sleepy. This medicine helps you relax and drift off. It is wonderful stuff. Sometimes it is given when you get into the OR.
You slip away into lala land and then wake up. It's like no time has passed. Very weird. It seems like a blink of the eye, while in reality our loved ones have been waiting anxiously.

I woke up in the ICU. Very bad headache. Some people have them, some don't.

If you do have headache, make sure to let them know ASAP. Also ask for anti nausea, if any nausea. Don't want to be sick.
Basically go with the flow. Everyone wakes up with different symptoms. But expect dizziness, maybe some double vision (temporary), balance issued. First 3 days don't count, just try to sleep through what you can and get up when they make you!!

Rest easy, it'll be okay. Your tumor size is small, so no facial nerve problems,OK! Some people may experience temporary facial paralysis because of injury to the nerve or a stretched nerve, but this improves.

As far as what is going on when you are asleep, maybe it's better not to know!

Hope this helps!
Maureen

[GramaSuby]

Thanks Maureen! You are probably right about the 'maybe its better not to know' but I wish I were a fly on the wall still the same.   Sue

[CHD63]

Sue .....

It is so normal to have these questions and a certain amount of anxiety of the unknown.  If you were saying, "Whoopee, I can hardly wait for this great ride!" someone would probably send you for a psych evaluation.   

My experience was pretty much as Maureen described it.  Actually I was very uptight and apprehensive until the morning of surgery ...... when I was surprisingly calm.  I attributed it to many prayers being said on my behalf.  I trust you will experience the calm, as well.  Every time I have had surgery I have always chilled when wheeled into the COLD operating room.  Usually they have quickly brought a blanket from a warming unit and that calmed the shivers.

If you are a person who gets motion sickness and/or nausea very easily, be sure to tell the anesthesiologist about it.  There are things they can give you at the end of the surgery while you are still asleep to minimize that nasty possible side effect upon awakening.  I am, and I did, and I had very little nausea upon awakening ..... and no headache.  But, as we say frequently on this forum, everyone is different.

Best thoughts and many prayers.

Clarice

[lori67]

Well, Sue...

To answer some of your more "important" questions...

The room will look boring.  The people will probably all be wearing the same thing and going in and out of said boring room a million times.  It will seem like there's a whole Army pf people there, especially if you happen to be in a teaching hospital!  You truly don't want to know what's going on when you're asleep, but you'll be in good hands.  You'll be hooked up to everything short of the fax machine in the ICU and it will look and sound overwhelming, but it's all to keep you safe and to make things easier for the nurses to monitor you without standing over your bed 24/7.  I am certain you will look as stunning as the rest of us did with the bandage on your head.  Only AN patients can really pull that look off, you know.  They won't shave off nearly as much hair as you'd think and your scar will be an impressive upside down question mark looking thing.  Have someone take a picture for you - it's a great conversation starter later on! 

As far as fearing the facial paralysis - that's normal - but worrying about it won't keep it from happening, so there's not much point in using up your energy worrying.  Just trust that your doctors want to preserve your facial nerve just as much as you want them to.

After all is said and done, you'll be amazed at how well you can bounce back after something like this.  I know I was.

You'll do great!
Lori

[leapyrtwins]

Sue -

the room will have some people you know - your doc(s) - and some you don't (anesthesiologist, nurses, etc.), but don't worry you get to meet all of them before you are put to sleep.   I'm 100% sure that everyone will be very nice and will take good care of you.   

I also remember very bright lights and cold - for some reason (I forget the specifics) - brain surgery is done in a cold room.  Someone told me one time it was because all the doctors who do brain surgery are hot  - but I'm thinking there's a better reason.

Tell your doctor - and everyone else who is relevant - that you want your catheter placed AFTER you are asleep.  Putting in catheters isn't a pleasant experience; taking them out isn't bad at all.

It's perfectly normal to be nervous and anxious, I was strangely calm in the days and hours leading up to my surgery which really freaked my parents out    I felt worse for them than I did for me.  The patient gets the easier part of the equation - they get to sleep; those sitting in the waiting room get the tough part.

I'm confident you will do fine and we'll see you back here as a postie before we know it.

Good luck,

Jan

[GramaSuby]

Lori, you have slapped a smile on my face... thanks, I needed that   But now I'm bummed about not being hooked up to that fax machine!

[leapyrtwins]

But now I'm bummed about not being hooked up to that fax machine!

Trust me, if someone could find a way to do this and bill it to your insurance company they would.

Yeah, Lori is great!  She's been my partner-in-crime for a while now and she always keeps me laughing 

I just love her sense of humor - and personally I thrive on humor.  It's one of the things that got me through my AN Journey - and a few other "fun" times in my life.

Keep the faith and laugh now and then, Grama. 

[GramaSuby]

I'm pretty sure Medicare covers it but truthfully the humor has definitely helped to lift my spirits!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[skamper]

We will be here praying for you today and up to the day of your surgery.  Jan is right, it will be much easier at first on you then your family.  I finally asked my husband just the other day what they went through during my 7 hour surgery.  My surgery was 5 months ago.  I guess in my heart I knew what it must have been like, I just didn't really want to hear him say it.  He said the worse was seeing me in the ICU the first night after surgery.  The "nut" cup and all strapped to my head.  The wonderful comb over was so attractive.  They did a wonderful job shaving just enough to do the surgery.  It's growing back in now, short and stubby.    I remember the pre op area, the nurse was awesome, sweetest girl ever.  Lots of people coming in and out like the others already said.  I didn't get anything to take before surgery, they just wheeled me in and basically stuck the mask over my face and I only counted to 5 and then gone.  I only slightly remember waking 5 or 6 times in recovery.  They would always ask if I felt any nausea, I always said yes, to get the meds.  I did not want to get sick for no way in the world.  I also told them before hand I get sick easily, they gave me extra meds to not get sick, I didn't.  They would also constantly ask you what your pain level is, be totally honest, stay on top of it, don't try to be strong, take the meds when you can. 
Once you get to ICU they will treat you like a queen.  They will come in every hour to check all your vitals, strength, give meds, etc.  My husband did stay the first night, I love him for that. He just couldn't leave me.  So sweet.
By the next day, the cup was off, I was off the oxygen, still had the cather though.  I was refusing to get up  I'm stubborn that way.  The first walk wasn't as bad as I thought, I already had no balance, so I wasn't really affected that much.
Do try and get up to walk when they ask.  When I finally started getting up, the cather came out, and I went home in 5 days. 
Don't worry about the not sleeping right now, I was the same way.  I got up at 3:30 the morning of surgery and just stayed awake.  We had to be there at 5:30.  I showered and then woke up my husband and we were out the door.  Don't take much, I never even got out of my gown, I did use my robe and socks though.  I slept pretty much through every visitor, don't feel quilty, you won't be able to keep your eyes open once they drug you.
I think you will do great, you do have a small AN, you will do great!!!!!
I hope I didn't bore you or scare you, I just know everyone was so helpful before mine, I'm just trying to help someone else now.
Good luck and you can vent here anytime.  We will be here to cheer you on!!!
Susan

[GramaSuby]

Thanks Skamper especially for the prayers! But what is the nut cap, I'm guessing its the bandages or is it another contraption.  By the way, how so they keep your head still during surgery?  Sue

[leapyrtwins]

Sounds like Skamper has a hard plastic cup underneath her mastoid bandage post op.  The hard plastic cup looks like a cup that goes with a male's athletic supporter.

I just had the mastoid bandage for my AN surgery - and it was wrapped REALLY tight! 

I had a "nut cup" for my BAHA surgery.  Pictures are on the Forum somewhere, but I can't seem to find them.

Jan

[michelle d.]

Hi   I don't write here much but I come on and read every now and again.After reading your entry, I remember all the range of emotions and curiosities I had before surgery-- it is a very scary thing, if you think too long about it. I asked every one I know to pray for me before, during and after surgery and I think that helped me have a peace inside, to let it be and just trust that the doctors, nurses, everyone around you, will do their best to make sure you come through alright. The day of my surgery my family was with me until the anesthesiologists gave me "the shot" and as soon as my family left, I was out and stayed out for a 10 hour surgery! I did have some barfy issues for a few hours after but as soon as they fixed my meds, it got better. I had numbing on that half of my face/mouth/head for about 6 months before surgery and I'm happy to say that that went away about a month after surgery.  It's hard not to let the "fear of the unknown" take over but hopefully, when you read our entries, maybe it helps you to see it will be ok?? We're all with you.   I will pray for you, too.    

[GramaSuby]

 :)Michelle, Jan, Susan, Lori, Clarice & Maureen, I am doing better for now especially since reading & rereading your comments, encouragements and experiences.  I will be busy for the next few days w/ pre op, last minute Dr's visits &
getting my apartment spotless for when I get home. 
I went to the AN support mtg today in Atlanta hitching a ride w/ Cindi one of the group leaders. It was well attended & everyone shared their experiences.  Unfortunately I woke up w/ a headache that only got worse as the mtg went on ( I am on the 10 day restricted RX list which includes my arthritis & Lupus Rx's) 
It has been a Godsend to have this forum & the support it provides.  & as I get to know some of you thru your posts I feel like I have found some dear friends   My son will keep Cindi updated on my surgery so she will post for me to let you know whats happening.  I am feeling pretty positive now thanks to your sharing, humor & prayers. You are all such a gift to me
PS Keep Susan(suebedo) in your prayers too. Hers is on the same day.

[skamper]

We will keep both of you in our prayers    That's nice you have a support group where you are.  I had some awesome friends on here who helped walk through this, it was great!
Take care of yourself and keep us posted.  God bless!
Susan