5 days till surery---an emotional wreck

[flier58]

OK guys,
I'm an emotional wreck..... I'm balling every time I look at my kid....Today I had to leave his award ceremony because I couldn't hold my tears back.  MY docs don't want me to take my antidepressants that close to surgery....  They said to go for a walk and relax.  Fine - it's very cold in Chicago.  Tomorrow is Holiday and I jut want to stay home but kid wants to go to te party. I guess I want to hear from you that it's normal to feel that way (or at least somewhat normal !!!).  Keep me and my fasmily in your prayers  this coming Tuesday.
flier

[ombrerose4]

Stop what you are doing, take a few nice deep cleansing breaths and know that what you are feeling is perfectly normal. Surgery is always a scary event, but remember you have made your decision, picked your doctors and you WILL get through this. We are here for you- feel free to rant and rave or laugh or cry. Your AN family will be here to support you as well as your own family. The last few days before surgery are tough, too much time to think. Try to keep busy with your family and friends, go out for dinner, see a movie, have a drink   We will be thinking of you on Tuesday. Please let us know how surgery went.

[CHD63]

flier .....

I agree ..... take a deep breath, let it out very slowly ..... now tell yourself everything will be all right ..... and it will be!  It is so very normal to have extreme apprehension before a huge event, which, of course, this is.  Sometimes it helps to write down all of your fears/frustrations and then let it go.

I also agree it is very worthwhile to try to focus on doing things that are fun and/or pleasant between now and your surgery.  Some of us found cleaning out closets or completing unfinished things very helpful ..... keeping busy is the key.  It also helps to wear you out so you sleep better at night (I would skip any naps during the day.)  If you like to cook, this is a good time to stock your freezer for easy, heat-upable dishes for afterwards.  Anything that keeps you physically moving is helpful.   Sitting, watching TV or reading were deadly for me before surgery ..... too much opportunity to let the mind go where it did not need to go.

Many prayers for peace!

Clarice

[deheisel11]

I am sending my prayers your way.  Best wishes for a speedy recovery after next Tuesday.  The others gave you great advice so I don't need to.   

[Tod]

Relaxing at this point is far easier said than done. Clarice said

Anything that keeps you physically moving is helpful. 

and she is absolutely correct. Taking many deep breaths several times a day is helpful as others have said.

Otherwise, focus on being thankful that these things are treatable and most people have good results. Keep moving, keep breathing, and keep being there for your family. You are in my thoughts and prayers as well.

-Tod

[Jim Scott]

Yvonne ~

As the previous posters have stated, your pre-op anxiety is perfectly normal and so, for us 'veterans', understandable.  Along with multiple deep breaths, I would suggest focusing on your post-op activities, as I did.  I promised myself a favorite meal at our favorite restaurant immediately after I left the hospital.  I also envisioned myself symptom-free and getting back to my normal life.  I accomplished all of these goals, albeit the latter taking a few weeks of work on my part as my body healed and I learned how to cope with my 'new normal', just as you will, I'm certain.  Know that there will be many people thinking of and praying for you now and on Tuesday.  I'm confident that you'll be able to surmount your fears and not allow yourself to succumb to the very normal dread of the unknown.  Thousands of people have undergone these operations, almost all successfully and as you know, the majority of any post-op deficits tend to be transient.  The mortality rate is infinitesimal and not worth considering.  Again, focus on the future and determine to do well on Tuesday.  You are not alone in this and you'll come through it O.K. 

Jim

[questions?586]

Praying for you and wishing you well.  It is so hard when your emotions get the best of you but it's to be expected about now.  Hang in there!

[Cheryl R]

Very normal!     One thinks of too many what ifs!      I was the worse basket case before my first one as had no good info like we can find now that there is life after AN surgery.        I am NF2 and now 4 surgeries and each had their own feeling afterwards.    My biggest advice I give frequently is to not push yourself too much or fast after wards to prove to yourself that you will feel normal again.    Recovery does take time esp the first 2 weeks.    You wonder if I will feel this way forever but it does get better.      One adjusts more than you think you will to some possible long term issues.     Most are temporary.
I did end up with cleaned out drawers and closets before the first surgery and said to heck with it for the rest!             Enjoy food you like now as the taste may be off for a time later.              We can be of any help you need later and wish you well!
                                                     Cheryl R

[Funnydream]

I climbed the walls for about 7 days before my 1st date. Then got canceled and was totally relieved.

Then I was pushed back 1 week and climbed the walls again. Then got canceled again with a IV in my arm and those stupid leg things on me.

Then was pushed back 4 days later and I could feel the pain in my back from the stress of the fact I might get canceled for a 3rd time. And I was thinking. "I can't take another cancel." But I realized I would have no choice if it happens again. But I ended up getting my AN cut out that time.

You will see your surgeon before they put you under. You show up. Put on a terrible dress thing thats is open in the back. They put you on a bed and roll you around. Put a IV and some wierd leg things on you. Chat with Mr. Doc. And then you wake up later.


P.S. Don't forget chapstick or carmex.

[Anomar11]

Yvonne,

I too feel this is very normal.  You've gotten some good advice from the surgery vets who have been through this.  Many prayers are coming your way for you and your family.  Soon this will be behind you.

Mona

[jaylogs]

OH yeah, this is VERY normal to feel the anxiety right before surgery! And to top it off you are off anti-deps so that compounds things quite a bit.  I know it's cold outside where you live, but maybe you can head to a big indoor mall somewhere in your area and do several laps around?? Keep yourself moving plus you get to people watch, which will take your mind off things...Hang in there, it's almost here and then you'll be in the all-so-exclusive "Postie" club!
Jay

[kenneth_k]

Hi flier.

Good luck. I wish you all the best and a speedy recovery

Kenneth

[flier58]

Hello,
My dear An friends.   Thanks for your support.  I'm sure I will need more of it.  I'm still a basket case but now I have less and less time before surgery.  I'm very embarrased that I can't control my histerical outbursts now - what is going to happened when I have complications after surgery!  Regardless please know that you have been a great help.
Flier

[Tod]

Flier, this is hard stuff and we each have our own journey. We have few choices about what happens, but we do have the ability to choose how we respond. Nothing went as expected for me and there were times that I struggled emotionally, but kept choosing (over and over again) to do my best to be positive. And it helped a great deal. Nine months later, life is very, very good.

I hope you are able to find some moments of peace and calmness today. Please know that this is a very safe place to talk about how you feel, to vent, to ask questions.

Be well,

Tod

[mk]

Hi Yvonne,

I haven't responded to your thread until now - first of all you have received great advice and insights from all the surgery veterans. I don't know if there is anything else that can be said to make you feel better - ultimately you will find this strength within you.   I have been putting myself in your shoes, as it looks like I will be following your path sooner rather than later - so believe me, I feel like I can share and understand your feelings.

So here are my thoughts, and how I have been trying to deal with this. I am thinking that it is time to get rid of all this negativity of the wait and uncertainty that came with our ANs growing - and time to focus on something more positive, like getting better day after day, even though we all know that the initial days are always very rough. As much as nobody would ever want to undergo a major surgery like this, I try to look at it as the necessary step that must be taken, so that we can go into the next stage of healing. And like Donnalyn said "you have a child to get better for" This is an incentive enough by itself.

I hope you will have an excellent outcome - most do, including many post-radiation ANers. Even having some challenges post op is probably better than the emotional roller coaster that we have to endure when making this decision and waiting for the treatment day.

I will be thinking about you - keep us updated whenever you can.

Marianna