I love movies because they temporarily distract me. I saw the trailer to 50/50, and it looks like a movie that I'll want to see some time in the future. Just now, I feel like I'm barely hanging on. I thought I had an appointment with MD, but they say I need a new work up first b/c my scan from last May was clean. So basically I have to have an MRI that shows something significant, or I can't be seen there. Now I've got to go back to the original brain guy, and say, "sorry I asked you to send my file to another doctor, but would you mind ordering one more MRI for me?" I felt horrible. I just don't know what the protocol is for saying stuff like, "excuse me, but I think I've found someone else to take over where you left off." I've been wanting to get an MRI for two weeks, b/c I'm just certain there's stuff going on in my good ear, but I'm having problems with scheduling, getting records transferred, trying to figure out what my life will look like without noise (I know that I'm jumping to conclusions). I wish I could see a doctor. I'm trying to pray for peace, but it's so hard when you don't know. And, I'm trying to have these conversations, make these requests, while I'm at work, and lately I can barely function.
I noticed cognitive issues after my first AN surgery in 2009, and it seems sometimes like it's getting worse. I know that part of it is stress with my job and my age. I'm wondering how so many of ya'll go back to work, and do so well with only one good ear. It's been 2 years, and it's still challenging for me, and there have been days that it's overwhelming. I have to unplug the Coke machine when we have meetings in the "kitchen," otherwise I can't hear a thing. I can't quit my job becuase I need the income and the insurance. But God, I am so tired. When I think about having to go through surgery again, it makes me cry. When I think about not being able to hear my grandkids speak, I wonder how I will ever deal with that. It seems unbearable.
Sorry for the rambling. I'd appreciate hearing from anyone out there who continues to work, and the things that get them through the day. Also, if any one knows how to have a delicate conversation with your surgeons about changing course/surgeons, I could use a few tips. Thanks