For when we all feel like crap -- physically, emotionally, spiritually

[ppearl214]

I heard this song on the radio on my way back to the office from lunch hour... and the more I thought about the lyrics and what they mean... it applies to us all, regardless of treatment, regardless of outcomes, regardless of how crappy we feel.  It's time to stand up, shout as loud as we can and gain our strength from each other!  So, sing along with me as I'm singing it at the top of my lungs...dang it!

xoxoxo to you all! Hang in there!

==================================================

IT’S MY LIFE
By: Bon Jovi

This ain't a song for the broken-hearted
No silent prayer for the faith-departed
I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd
You're gonna hear my voice
When I shout it out loud

Chorus:
It's my life
It's now or never
I ain't gonna live forever
I just want to live while I'm alive
(It's my life)
My heart is like an open highway
Like Frankie said
I did it my way
I just wanna live while I'm alive
It's my life

This is for the ones who stood their ground
For Tommy and Gina who never backed down
Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake
Luck ain't even lucky
Got to make your own breaks

Repeat Chorus:

Better stand tall when they're calling you out
Don't bend, don't break, baby, don't back down

Repeat Chorus Two Times:

[Captain Deb]

This is one of my favroite Buffet Songs for when I feel particularly "Wonkyheaded!"

Gravity Storm

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Apple fall out of the tree and hit the ground
Pretty soom we realize we're earthly bound
Babies fall and babies cry in early years
Mamas dust them off and wipe away the tears

[Chorus:]
Ohhhhhhhh watch out for that gravity storm
It don't give no warning signs
Ohhhhhhhh watch out for that gravity storm
Ohhoo

All your life you have to deal with ups and downs
So listen to your heartstrings as you move around
Don't forget to listen to the steady beat
Don't forget to balance on your ready feet

[Chorus]

I will keep you warm
Shelter in the storm
All your life
I well keep you warm
Shelter from the storm
All your life

Apple fall out of the tree and hit the ground
Pretty soom we realize we're earthly bound
Babies fall and babies cry in early years
Mamas dust them off and wipe away the tears

[Chorus]

I will keep you warm
Shelter in the storm
All your life
I will keep you warm
Shelter from the storm
All your life

RAWK ON!!

Capt Deb

[ppearl214]

me likey, Capt'n! thanks for sharing!

[ppearl214]

I didn't think I'd be bumping up this thread anytime soon, but having one of them days and need a good cry.  In all my discussions and research and blah blah blah, seems I am alone in my "benchmark" of CK treatment and amount of RADS received.  The side affects for me have interferred with my work life, my personal life and emotionally, I am now drained. As many of you know, I have such wonderful support around me, a wedding to plan  (I'm talking the big ceremony next year) and so much to deal.  I know I'm a mentally strong person and I know I'm entitled to my down days, but I have to say, I'm feeling alone in many aspects as I have no one to share the extent of the treatment I received against others that also had CK. Now, don't get me wrong... I do not question my decision. I do not question if other options for me should have been done. I'm thrilled I had CK done and have recommended it to many.  But.. and yes, there is a but (and not my fat derriere, thankyouverymuch!)..... the side affects from this dosage is really wearing me thin.

I know many of you have been following along with my journey here. Gawd knows how many of you have tolerated my phone calls and such. I know many of you have given so much to me that trying to give back just doesn't seem to add up, regardless of what I try to do. 

If you are planning CK, please please please make sure the radio-team gives you no more than 21Gy (18Gy-21Gy is the standard, thus far).  For this person that has been zapped and whacked beyond imagination (and yes, knowing I am part of a study at BI for CK).... I urge you (all potential radio-patients) to reconfirm the amt of Gy they are going to dose you.  I thought I was safe with 30 Gy.  As one dealing with the after affects, I implore you to make sure your CK centers stick to the standard.

So, that is my rant for the day.  Not often I have one... I think I was overdue.  Heck... if I had more than 2 cups of coffee today, can you imagine just how bad this rant woudl be?

Thanks all for your good ears... truly. No replies back to this rant necessary... just needed to get it out and to see it in black/white does help.

xoxoo
Phyl

[wind6]

Ok Phyl, no real reply as requested but, a cyber hug instead(((((((Phyl)))))).

[Obita]

Dear Phyl:

I could go back and read your posts to find this out but there are four zillion so I will just ask.  Why did you get so much radiation?  I am a Translabber so I don't know a whole lot about GK, CK etc.... so I am just wondering. 

I say:  Rant here, just don't kick your pc.  We would miss you while it is in the shop.

I hope your day is getting better,  Kathy

[nannettesea]

Oh, Pearly, so sorry.  I also know how it feels to be completely alone, not about being hit with a lot of rads, but finding no one else out there who has symptoms like mine so long after surgery.

Cry all you want, have a big 'ol pity party.  Then rest.  I'm seeing a massage/reiki practitioner who says to put my hand on my head, just feel the emotions, and it really is calming.  Feel what you are feeling, and then let it go and *as you have said* surround yourself with light.  It will be all right, to quote the little bracelet Kathleen gave me and I now wear 24/7 as I hold her in the light.  And all of us.

so much love, vent ANY time.

Nan, the dizzy one--change to dizzy Diva   

[Derek]

Hi there Phyl...

Not sure if blokes are allowed to give out 'huggles' to you ladies but your new pal in the uk would like to send you a zillion cuddles in your hour of need...tomorrow will be a better day for you.

Take care

Derek

[ppearl214]

thanks folks... and Derek... all blokes are allowed to give huggles.. my bloke lives outside SE London/Brixton and I know those UK huggles... worth every bit of Cadbury, Jaffa Cakes and Radox bath (but, I'll forgo the Marmite, ok? ) I can get.. thank you all.. tomorrow IS another day!

xoxo
Phyl

[Raydean]

Hi Phyl

I don't have the answers to the spoken and unspoken questions that you have.  I do know alittle about being alone or at least feeling that way.  Both you and Chet were/are in unchartered areas when dealing with the AN.  the harder we try to find the answers or direction, the more elusive it becomes.  The aloneness of the situation at times can be overwhelming
 
You may be alone physically in the area of treatment that you received and the possible outcomes.  
This much I do know that the people that love you so dearly, including many on this forum are surrounding you with love, the Angels are also holding you within their embrace.  All things are possible.
I now that you will  somehow change this situation  into a positive, and use it to the good of others.
Phyl, you are so dearly loved by so many.  i wish you could see the wonderful person that we see. You have touched so many peoples lifes in such a positive way.  You're our designated cheerleader!! But even cheerleaders need cheering on sometimes.

So today it's ok to cry, yell, toss things, stomp your feet, jump on the bed  whatever will make you feel better. Tomorrow will bring a new day and a new beginning.

Sending big hugs and love along with a open phone line anytime.
Raydean

 Ã‚ 

[Sue]

So sorry, Phyll, that you have had some really bad days.  Yes, we had our zap's about the same time, but I am not going through anything like you are.  I don't even know how hard they zapped me...if they told me I have forgotten. I have had my 3 month MRI and will go see doctor next Monday. If I can REMEMBER I will ask him about that. Why are you so "special" that they had to drill you with the Super CyberKnife...the Heavy Duty Dose...the Super Size Me zapper?  Not that it's any of my business, mind you.  Just curious why they had to go above and beyond the norm. 

That massage therapy sounds great. Maybe we should all do Tai Chi and also some meditation.  Or a Spa Day. 

Prayers and good wishes for you, Phyll.   

Sue in HOT, HOT, HOT Vancouver

[marystro]

Hi Phyl,

We love you, angel girl!  You are our line, our pick-me-upper, our best girl.  As Alex (my son) says, we love you all the way to the moon and back.  Don't give up hope.  It will be better.  Not sure why they gave you so much dosage??  Thanks for reminding me to check with my doctors on the dosage.  We are all treading new water with new medical technology.  Stay strong and I know you are.  Thinking about you all the time.  Talking about you all the time.

Mary
xxoooxxxoooo

[matti]

Phyl - Wish I was there to give you a big hug and wipe away your tears.

Luv ya,
cheryl 

[Larry]

Oh girly,

Agree with all the above posts. You have been there for everyone else so now its our turn. You gotto be strong kiddo. Just think of what the cheeky bloke would say if ya didn't have the energy to blow up your sword!!!!!!!!!! Actually, I think it's currently stopping the PBW from sinking so ya gotto remain strong, can't have all the wenches and co drowning now can we.

hugs all over for the girly.



Laz

[DeniseSmith]

Phyl,
just saw this post this a.m. I hope you are feeliing better today.   You are a strong and caring person.  I am happy to have "met" you through this forum.  Your kind words and humor have helped me when I was down.   Hang in there!  You are doing GREAT!

As someone, don't know who, said, this too will pass.   

Your cyber friend,
Denise