Ever been sad that you can't do housework?

[Suu]

Yep, the heading says it all. I've completely lost the plot and can't find it 
(I may get my own answer to this while I'm writing but all replies gratefully accepted please)

I've started running into walls again, get very dizzy even after only being out of bed for an hour (yes, I run around as if my life depends on having a clean house in that hour).

Hubby is building a large wardrobe so the housework has slipped and I'm trying my best to keep up with it but it's only just after 11:10 and I'm already buggered.

The problem is that I'm pretty sad and down that I can't do what I want to do when I want to do it.  21 months down the track and being here on the site giving and getting answers most of that time, you'd think I'd learn to plant my behind in a chair and let the world go round while I put my feet up.  I'm a doer and not a slug and can't get my head to work with that thought anymore.
The speech therapist didn't help matters with the long list of 'don'ts' yesterday and one of them was to keep a dust-free home.
Other things are:

Avoid yelling, screaming, shouting
Devise other ways of attracting attention e.g. handclapping, blowing a whistle signalling, etc
Speak face to face by reducing distance between yourself and others
Reduce noise (turn off TV or radio or move to a quieter place)
Rest your voice frequently by not talking too much
Speak on insufficient breath
Use breath to power the voice rather than tensing the larynx
Avoid singing when your voice is vulnerable (my family loooooove this 'rule')
Don't habitually clear your throat.  Sip water or swallow instead
If you have cough producing phlegm, try a gentle huff instead!
Keep a smoke-free area around you
Drink plenty of water to avoid becoming dehydrated and to lubricate the larynx
Keep a dust-free environment
Use alternatives to sprays (e.g. deodorants, household cleaners)

How do I change a lifetime of habit in a short time and like it? I sometimes feel that my friends and family think that I'm just getting lazy and using this as an excuse.  Hubby takes one look at my face and tells me to sit down so I know he doesn't think that and that's one really good positive.

I've had my sob-story and now I'll drink my water, not yell at the dog, and will text hubby if he'd like a cuppa instead of trying to raise this croak of a voice above the sound of the circular saw 

Lovenhugs to everyone.
Suu xxoo

[LakeErie]

Suu, sorry to read of your frustration. While you are at the 21 month point, it is not as if you had surgery almost two years ago and just needed to recover from that. Look at what has happened since then:
4cm Left side AN Translab August 18th 2010
Facial nerve not working
Nerve conduction Jan '11 Repeated 23rd May '11
SSD left side
5 ops in 6 weeks to fix CSF leaks
Tarsorrhaphy 9 Mar '11
Sling Thur 16 June '11
12/7 nerve graft 9 Feb '12
Vocal cord stopped working 9 Feb Speech therapy

Those are all difficult events to undergo and all need their own recovery times. The cumulative effects of these events would tire out anyone.
As far as your voice goes, the 12/7 nerve graft was Feb 2012. Three months is not long enough for the vagus nerve to come back. My surgeon advised against speech therapy early on as he believes time is what my vagus nerve needs. We both know cranial nerves require 12 to 18 months to heal. I am at 7 month from surgery now and am still improving. I am not advising against therapy, but am reminding you, therapy probably cannot rush the process of nerve regeneration.
Why not give yourself 21 months from your last procedure, 21 months of uninterrupted recovery and imagine where you will be.

[Suu]

Thankyou. I needed a shoulder and advice and I was lucky to get both from you very quickly.
The idea of 21 months from last op seems like something I can aim for.
I've been blaming myself for being like this and my wonderful husband has said that he'd try to take some pressure off me by talking things through from my perspective.
Slow and steady for now and sit when I need to.
It's sometimes very lonely but coming here I feel like I fit in like a well worn piece of furniture

Lovenhugs
Suu xxoo

[pjb]

You have been here for so many of us with great words of encouragement and just remember we are also here for you...

Best Wishes

[MDemisay]

Suu,

Ditto what pjb said!!!!!

Mike

[Chances3]

Hi Suu,

I read your medical Bio - my God you've been through a lot !
You make my struggles look like the common cold.
I'm a doer like you, and there are plenty of "things" I feel I need to get accomplished.

Here is some advice - slow down!!!!
There is nothing that tomorrow can't wait for.  Remember in a 100 years the house will still be there.
So, get outside, take a nice stroll, go to the park, spend time with your family and give yourself time
to heal physically and mentally.  Oh, and go rent a funny movie.

God Bless you Suu.

[Tod]

Suu,

There are some things one has to learn (very quickly) to let go of. It is difficult enough for us to make changes when we are the ones having issues, especially voice issues, but it seems near impossible for family members. For most people the world is a vocal/aural place.  My voice issues were bad for awhile and I had to figure out how to adapt. Because I am a big, neanderthalish kind of person, everyone understood quickly that if I stomped on the floor or slammed the wall with the palm of my hand once or twice I was signaling my acknowledgement of a shout. If did things three times it was a demand for attention. If it was repeated, it was a cry for help. When outside with scouts, I carried a whistle and made sure the scouts understood why (which is part of what we do anyway).

Give yourself a break. Let yourself rest and heal as you have been going through quite an awful lot. And don't worry so much about chores. Your FIRST priority is YOU.

And I am not sure how much the dust-free environment is going to matter. Coughing goes hand in hand with this trouble...I'm still hacking away despite what some think is a normal voice. (I still can't yell or sing. Noisy environments destroy my voice altogether.)
Not talking much is not a bad thing. It really did force me to listen more. Which is a really good thing...save that a lot of people didn't seem to have all that much to say that was new. Or interesting. Or of value. )

I also find that carbonated beverages are most helpful with keeping the vocal folds clear of dust and phlegm. Sparkling water. Soda. Beer. Especially beer.

Take it easy. Have a beer and relax a bit.

-tod

[Mei Mei]

Ditto of Tod to you Suu.

Take care of yourself and let the house go.   You have to put yourself first.    Get a dust mitt if you must and do a wipe over where ever and then give it a rest.   I can't stay on the computer long so must sign off.

Hugs to you,
Mei Mei

[Suu]

Thankyou  Thankyou  Thankyou   

Where would I be without your friendships?

Mei Mei - I have a dustmitt and that's all I'm going to do if I feel like it's an off day.
Tod - I don't drink alcohol but thinking I may take it up 
Chances - I did as you suggested but being the 'doer' as I am, I sat outside and painted a concrete statue for the front garden. It looks so real the my dog attacked it! LOL The vitamin D did its job and made my mood jump up a notch so I'll be going outside at least once every day and do absolutely nothing but sit and suck up the sunshine.
PJB and Mike - I love you both!

My voice is coming back slowly and that's such good news that I'd love to throw a party but can still only eat minced foods for the next few months so maybe that will wait till later.
The dizziness is really getting to me and it floors me.  Yes, I'm a doer and when I can't do then I push harder and end up having to hold onto things.

I finally got told by my doctor yesterday that I may never work or drive again and she said it so gently that it didn't hit me as hard as I thought it would.

There are some of us post-ANers that get every symptom from tinnitus to the wobblies and the gammit of crap in between.  Having a hip replaced in February hasn't helped the healing process much because I bled inside my leg and the haematoma still hasn't fully resolved so haven't slept on the AN, or the replaced hip, side yet.

I'll come to terms with all of this.  I'm always bouncing back from setbacks and if this is what life/fate/God/Providence has decided for me to be then I'll just have to smile through it and suck it up!    I like living too much to let these things get me down.

You should all pat yourselves on the back for the wonderful caring and inspiring natures you all have.  I love having you in my life.

Keep on keeping on and so will I.

Suu xxoo

[pjb]

Thankyou  Thankyou  Thankyou   

Where would I be without your friendships?

Mei Mei - I have a dustmitt and that's all I'm going to do if I feel like it's an off day.
Tod - I don't drink alcohol but thinking I may take it up 
Chances - I did as you suggested but being the 'doer' as I am, I sat outside and painted a concrete statue for the front garden. It looks so real the my dog attacked it! LOL The vitamin D did its job and made my mood jump up a notch so I'll be going outside at least once every day and do absolutely nothing but sit and suck up the sunshine.
PJB and Mike - I love you both!

My voice is coming back slowly and that's such good news that I'd love to throw a party but can still only eat minced foods for the next few months so maybe that will wait till later.
The dizziness is really getting to me and it floors me.  Yes, I'm a doer and when I can't do then I push harder and end up having to hold onto things.

I finally got told by my doctor yesterday that I may never work or drive again and she said it so gently that it didn't hit me as hard as I thought it would.

There are some of us post-ANers that get every symptom from tinnitus to the wobblies and the gammit of crap in between.  Having a hip replaced in February hasn't helped the healing process much because I bled inside my leg and the haematoma still hasn't fully resolved so haven't slept on the AN, or the replaced hip, side yet.

I'll come to terms with all of this.  I'm always bouncing back from setbacks and if this is what life/fate/God/Providence has decided for me to be then I'll just have to smile through it and suck it up!    I like living too much to let these things get me down.

You should all pat yourselves on the back for the wonderful caring and inspiring natures you all have.  I love having you in my life.

Keep on keeping on and so will I.

Suu xxoo

I just read your post and thank you .... You are truly my inspiration with all that you have and are going through and still have a great sense of humor and helpful posts...you have no idea how many people I am sure that you have helped and help them also realize that there is life after an AN ... So again thank you for your posts and so happy your voice is coming back that is a great start and too funny about drinking and the party I think a bottle of champagne should be getting cold there is a milder brand called Verdi it is very good as I am not a drinker and this is not strong at all....

Best Wishes,

[arizonajack]

"Ever been sad that you can't do housework?"

No.

I didn't do housework before my AN.

[james e]

King Solomon said you have to live a good life. Enjoy food, wine, your family, your home. Quit worrying about "stuff." I am a doer also, but I have slowed down since my surgery 27 months ago. My wife is a double doer, and she pushes me, and I hate it, but after I do what she wants to do, I love her for it. It is good for me. I am beginning to "live a good life" because I am learning to forget about all the other "stuff" that needs to be done. Slow down and enjoy your new life.

James

PS: go give your husband a hug!

[Soundy]

I am a doer ... sometimes like past few weeks I do til I hit a wall come to a halt

funny thing is that every since surgery my house work has often taken a bak seat to other things ... Girls Scouts , Cub Scouts , school , garden etc etc etc

I have not voiced this out loud before but after I got back on my feet and could manage house work in small doses , it no longer seemed like a priority ... I just didn't care about it as much as I did pre-surgery ... and it wore me out ... here I am 4 years later and my house is still not as clean as it was pre-surgery ... my husband never says a thing and will take up the slack sometimes ... the kids do too ... it isn't like it is a pig sty just not like it used to be ...

but I have found that the kids , mine and those I work with and volunteering at school , or the Relay For Life work I do and also for St Jude's are more important to me ... as is my little raised bed garden that my husband helped me construct ... I can work it without having to bend way over since plants are planted in big 8x8 beds that are  waist high ... or I can sit in the sun and do nothing and be happy ...(well until I start itching since I am not suppose to be in sun) but small doses do me good emotionally ...

I do have problems stopping when I get going on a project and wear myself out ...people tell me slow down and I am slowly learning the wisdom to this ...  I am reading more again and doing things that are for me ... like making an arbor covered in wisteria that is forming a cave like place for me to place a chair and hide from the world ... someone told me to take care of myself and keep myself happy and that would help me to heal and to be who I want and need to be for others ... I am learning this ...

you have been through so much more than I have ... take it easy and do things for yourself ( like painting the statue) that keep you the person you want to be … house work with always wait for you … do what absolutely needs doing and let little things around house wait til you have a moment that pops up where you can manage it both physically and emotionally … I know to some handling house work emotionally sounds odd but those who have faced this issue will know what I mean

Take care

[It is what it is]

I'm adding my thoughts and prayers for your continued healing.  You are incredibly courageous. 

Karen

[mikechinnock]

Nothing improves my emotional well being more than a successful completion of a plan. I do my housework by laying out thirty thirty minute chores. That is one thirty minute house chore a day. It takes me three days to vacuum the house, but it is only a thirty minute chore.

When I was in the hospital after my 2nd operation I was pretty depressed and was in my bed with my arms crossed and a scowl on my face. In walks a nurse with a harness. She looks at me and says, 'Your doctored ordered you to get out of bed today and do 15 minutes walking in the hall. Here this is your harness, but you look very depressed right now. I'll tell you what, you go right ahead and really enjoy your depression. I read your chart and if anybody has a right to be depressed, you certainly do. I'll be back in 15 minutes.'

She then shut the curtains, turned off the lights and closed the door behind her. For the next 15 minutes I did not think of my lost functions, the remaing tumor, or anything other than poking pins in a voodoo doll of that nurse.

After 15 minutes the nurse returned, turned on the lights, opened the curtains and said, 'Now that we got that out of our system let's get along with what the doctor ordered. She strapped that harness on me and pulled out of bed and into the hallway, where we walked for 15 minutes.

Today I smile when I think of that nurse. She taught me a very big lesson.

Namaste' Suu

Mike