To all of My AN friends, ANgels and all of the Newbies who unfortunately are here and dealing with the reality of our shared diagnosis,
My story is a long one it all starts in October 2011 at Dr. Sisti's office (NY Presbyterian) where I had the diagnosis of a regrowth of the AN, all I was thinking of was the Annual Train Show that the nursing home puts on in December and I didn't want anything to ruin it.
Fine,we would deal with it in January. The Toy train show goes off without a hitch and January arrives! I go into the Doctors office prepared to nuke the little bugger but the Doctor's personality and mine clash. That night instead of praying about it. I get up sleepless and launch into a ridiculous scenario of missed cues and innuendo. February roles by, then March, then April I am in total fear by this time!!! I am not myself. I am angry and exhausted......My family and I finally decide that because of my procrastination it would be best to postpone doing something till June after my wife and daughter come back from their vacation. They and I fear to some extent the protracted chain of events that happened after the 2004 AN surgery in which I was in the hospital for 3 weeks came home and was bed bound for months (not a good scenario). Culminating with a new diagnosis in 2005 that I was a traumatic brain injury patient. Enter the ANA forum in February, little by little I come out of my fearful shell by being a faithful forum member with the inspiration of David Wrubel's Forum topic "God and Acoustic Neuromamas"
You loyal people you!! You saved me from going off the deep end, you kept me from sinking into the dark quagmire of depression. It is you people who taught me to pick myself up, go for another opinion or two and then decide and let the rest be in God's Hands.
In April and May I became prayerful and learned to master my fear and kick it to the curb, I was not "poor Michael" any longer! I replaced "poor Michael" with "Strong Michael" and kicked him and my paralyzing fear and dreadful dreams out.
I encourage all newbies not to give in to the fear of your unbridled dreams the fear of the unknown, I encourage you to master your own fate, face up to it and stare it down! It is not easy but it can be done by being prayerful or meditative. To be sure both can be done separately and surely it is easier to do them both at the same time. It is more difficult to do one without the other but I recognize that not all of you believe in God.
Those of you who do not can choose to meditate on your greater health....DO NOT PROCRASTINATE as I did. ACT!!!! Do something creative or useful as you Watch & Wait. Do research on your chosen course of action take up a hobby.
If I inspire others to not wallow in self doubt, then that is worth it! You are strong you CAN MAKE IT!!!
Again I want to thank all of you that read this post. If I can't give back once in a while, what is the sense to life? Go forth to Happiness on your own road to wellness.
Mike
