Only 1 wk to go & second guessing decision???

[AZ JB]

Well, one week to go....  Bob begins his 3 days of CK on Aug. 1 at Stanford, & we're both having second thoughts about it!!!  Is this normal?  After being diagnosed with a 1.4 cm tumor in Nov., Bob thought he would W & W for a while, but after several consultations (one being with Dr. Chang), he decided on CK, & decided to have the procedure before he developed more symptoms.  As many of you said would happen, once the decision was made, he felt more at peace about the whole thing (& I did too), so why is he (we) now questioning the decision???  I've had some serious meltdowns, (not in front of him), & I have to hug him every time he walks by me.  Sometimes I see him just staring out the window & I know it's on his mind....  He still plans on going ahead with the procedure, but I wish we both weren't feeling so apprehensive about it...  Reading Bobette's posts has made me feel much better.  Bobette, you are an inspiration to us!  Did any of you have these same feelings?  Thank you all for your encouraging & helpful past replies!

Judy 

[JWW]

Judy, I am having my SRS (GK) on July 31th! My L. AN is now 1cm x 7mm x? It has grown 1-2mm in 4 months. I feel real good about my decision to proceed with SRS (using the mask) and have a wonderful radiation oncologist that has worked with me via email and in person. He has listened to ALL my fears and concerns and has reassured me!

I'm still anxious and nervous, sometimes can't sleep, but I am excited to be done with this!!!

JW

[MDemisay]

Dear Judy and Bob,

This can't be easy for both of you......But once you have considered all options, make your decision,  and then go forward trust in your decision for even if you don't believe (in God) you have consulted with the best. It is up to you now to meditate and find a quiet spot to concentrate on wellness. Believe me if you practice it for 40 minutes, you will be meditating often. I will be praying for you (as will others on this forum).
SRS from what I have heard (I went through GK) is painless. There is nothing to fear. You will soon be a Toastie Postie!

The next couple of days will be hard....I remember having fears and anxieties grip me too.....but when you let go of them and let it happen, it is so freeing, it's incredible! Make arrangements so that you can listen to CD of Dr. Dyer I AM Meditation or listen to wave sounds whatever you like, when you do it will relax you!

Myself, I had 40 minutes in the machine that seemed to pass very quickly because I had prepared myself with the I AM meditation. Once you have made your decision after much research trust your gut!!!!

Mike

[Jim Scott]

Judy ~

Having 'second thoughts' (misgivings) about the decision to undergo the CyberKnife procedure is about as normal as it can be.  Your husband (Bob) is facing a serious medical situation and a procedure that has some inherent risks, which, while small and often transient, are still present.  I'm sure he would prefer to ignore the whole thing.  I felt that way on the eve of my AN surgery.  Of course I never considered not going through with it...I just wished that I didn't have to.  I considered this a perfectly rational reaction.  However, I surmounted my fears and underwent the 9-hour debulking surgery.  It went flawlessly.  My symptoms disappeared and I had no post-op issues.  Three months later I underwent 26 FSR sessions to destroy the remaining tumor's ability to re-grow.  That, too, was uneventful..as well as successful.  Subsequent MRI scans indicated tumor necrosis and the beginnings of shrinkage.  Today, 6 years later, my life is back to normal and I feel great.  I'm confident that Bob will have a successful outcome, too.  Until then, you'll both need to find the strength to face your individual fears and push past them so that this necessary procedure can be done and you can both move on with your life together.

Jim

[MaryEBS]

Hi Judy -

I can certainly relate to how Bob is feeling right now.  I had CK June 11-13.  It is a very anxious time leading up to the treatments.  One thing I learned was that once I had made a decision I had to stop thinking about it constantly because I was making myself much more anxious than necessary.  The treatment itself is painless and quick.  I took a week off and then went back to work because I just wanted to get my life back.  Worst symptom I have is fatigue... I sleep a lot more than I did.  The support of my husband who was there every step of the way made all the difference in the world.  Things will be okay again.  Look at it this way, the treatment is something we all need to get through... then we can get on with the business of recovery.  Wishing Bob all the best.  If I can answer any questions please just ask.

Mary

[Kathleen_Mc]

Judy: Completely normal to have "second thoughts" in the days prior to a treatment, anxiety as the day approaches makes one question themselves. You both need to just trust in your decision and know it was made when you were less anxious and not questioning yourself as much.
Take care, Kathleen

[ash]

Hi Judy,

I had CK at Stanford in may, please read my "Treatment Journal" in "Radiation", it should help. I experienced the same thing you are going through, but I do not regret my decision. By the time you read this you may have already started treatments. I hope everything goes well.

 

[Tisha]

Oh yes, definitely 2nd thoughts.  But now, 3.5 years later, I've had some trying times...but it's decreased in size and I know shouldn't be growing anymore and further away from my brain!

He is in the best hands!  Sometime I shudder to think what I would have done if I didn't know and it had continued to grow!  I'm so grateful we live in the age where the CK machine exists.

Good luck to you!  It's really a very easy procedure.  Tisha

[leapyrtwins]

Looks like so far I'm unique, but I didn't have one second thought.

Everyone's different, but I would have not had surgery if I wasn't 100% sure that it was what I wanted.  You don't want to second guess something like this.  IMO, it's better to cancel/postpone a treatment until you are absolutely 100% certain it's for you.

Just my two cents - for what it's worth.

Jan

[AZ JB]

Hello again friends & encouragers!

Bob had his last CK treatment today at Stanford & all went well - life is good!  We made the decision to come back here & meet with Dr. Chang & if Bob was still feeling apprehensive after that, he would postpone the procedure, but we both felt reassured & confident that he had made the right decision.  We also have a strong faith, & had many people praying for us.  Bob's feeling a little nauseous & not quite himself today, but otherwise the whole process was uneventful & everyone here was wonderful! I have to tell you something funny. Bob brought our IPod & chose to listen to Christian music.  Well, on the second day he forgot to put it on shuffle, so the same song played over & over for 41 minutes!  We're looking forward to flying back to Phoenix tomorrow - there's no place like home!  Thank you all again for sharing your advice, helpful information, & encouragement!  Had it not been for this site & all of you, we would not have known about Dr. Chang or Stanford & it clearly was the right choice for Bob.   

Judy

[AZ JB]

JWW,

How did your GK go -- sure hope it went well & you haven't had any unpleasant side effects!

Judy

[JWW]

AZ JB,

I had my SRS (aka GK) procedure this past Monday, July 31th and it was non eventful! I had the option of the mask, which I chose. I did not have to fast. I did not need to be medicated. I am taking the Medrol Dosepack which I started with lunch after the procedure (btw: Mexican food).
To avoid insomnia with the steroids, I was instructed to take all the pills for the first day ALL at one time with food. Divide the following steroid pills per day into morning and noon with food, thus you will sleep better.

I feel great as if this never happened....hard to believe it is all over! The only issue I have had with the Medro Dosepack is some indigestion after coffee 2hrs. later. It goes away. I'm sleeping fine.
Really no issues. Did they really zap me?

JW

ps: thanks for asking!!!

[Jim Scott]

Hi, Judy ~

Congratulations to Bob on his successful CyberKnife procedure!  I'm so glad it went well and that you are both past it, now.  I trust you'll have a safe trip home to Phoenix and that this will all soon be little more than a memory. 

I'm also pleased that the ANA discussion forums were a benefit for you both. 

Jim

[millie]

Thanks for sharing your journey-a great help to those of us waiting in the wings! 
I am a little curious.  What was the title of the song that  played over and over during the forty one minutes? 
Best wishes on your recovery.
Millie

[AZ JB]

Thank you Jim -- & thanks too for your continued presence on this site.  I don't think any of you heroes have any idea how helpful you are to us newbies. 

Millie, you asked what song was playing over & over for 41 minutes, it was "Let Me Sing", if you're familiar with it, then you know there's a part that plays several times in the song that goes, "Let me shine, brighter than the stars in the sky...." which only made it funnier considering all the radiation being delivered to the tumor (we both have kind of sick sense of humors).  On another note -- Bob had initially thought he would be like you & W & W, but after his consult with Dr. Chang, he changed his mind.  One of the things Dr. Chang said was the symptoms you're experiencing before CyberKnife are usually the ones you will have afterwards.  Being Bob wasn't having too many symptoms, he decided to get it done before he began to have more.  Also, he didn't want something to happen that would prevent him from being a candidate for CK in the future.  Lastly, (being a financial adviser & in the insurance business), he's concerned what might happen to health care in the future (both in terms of approved procedures & coverage).  I don't know how long you've been a W & W or where you are in your decision making, but as we were sorting through everything, we took every piece of information we could gather to help us along the way...  Thank you for your well wishes -- though we know there might be temporary side effects in the future, having the procedure behind Bob feels like a weight has been lifted off our shoulders!  I'll be on here periodically to see how you're doing.  Thanks again! 

Bob & Judy (though Bob rarely posts -- he does read all the feedback)