Having a bad day

[Upstate]

I've actually been feeling better lately, both physically and emotionally.  I went grocery shopping this morning and was placing the grocery bags in the trunk of my car, reaching into the shopping cart, bending down to grab items under cart etc. 3or 4 times doing this, I lost my balance and fell.  I was so embarrassed.  I got into my car and burst into tears-had a meltdown in a parking lot.   I hate my AN!

[CHD63]

Hi there .....

So sorry for your fall ..... and your meltdown.  Many of us can attest to similar feelings when something like this happens.

A couple of my falls have been outside, with others watching ..... they were absolutely the worst times of this whole journey.  Just wanted to scream at everyone, "I have not been drinking!!"

I sincerely hope you were not hurt in the fall.  I have slowly learned where my vulnerable situations are ..... leaning over, changing directions too fast, standing up from sitting and walking too soon, etc.  I know now to compensate for my missing balance by making sure I keep a hand on something stable when leaning over, etc.

Many thoughts and prayers.

Clarice

[Brewers7]

I have felt the same way, Clarice.  Only I have been worried that a jury will think that I am drunk while I am prosecuting a drug case. 

[alabamajane]

Hi upstate,,
I can relate to the meltdown,, I am I year postie and have slight balance issues still,, like Clarice said I have learned where my vulnerability is so try to avoid too many situations on my own and always hold onto something,, I even take a grocery cart even when going for one or two items just to hold onto it!

I was getting out of car just yesterday and wobbled as getting up curb and this guy looked at me and said something like "need a hand ?" And I just know he thought I was drinking or something just the way he said it even though he was just trying to be nice.,,,,,, I wanted to just get back in car but was afraid I might FALL off curb so didn't dare try that in front of him,,,thanked him and went on in store humiliated,,,,,,,

My AN and resulting surgery have turned me from a once very sociable, people person into a very introverted more silent person,,not something I am very proud of but has been hard to turn it around,, maybe more time.

Brewers7,, don' t know HOW you stand in a courtroom and try cases with some of the issues you have dealt with,,,good for you !!! Hang in there Upstate,,,count the good days and try to laugh at the bad ones,,,,,easier said than done some days,, huh???   Jane

[Jill Marie]

Thanks so much for posting about your meltdown, I'm having one right now and it helps to know that others have them too!  It sounds like it's not just about falling or being embarrassed about falling, it's one of those times where you have had enough of dealing with the AN and need to let the emotions flow so you can pick up the pieces and make tomorrow a better day.  I hope tomorrow is indeed a better day and if/or when you come across a similar situation like you had today please remember that there are a whole lot of people here that understand what you are going through and are here to listen and support you.  Take Care, Jill

[Upstate]

Thank you for all your kind words, I needed that!!! It's been really cold here in the northeast and I think I was just trying to hurry to get out of the 20 something degree temperatures... Big mistake.  And luckily I wasn't hurt, not physically anyway.  Strange thing though; I stumbled AGAIN last night carrying a laundry basket. I am wondering what the heck is going on?  I do have my MRI tomorrow as it's been over 8 months since GK and see Dr. on Monday.  Don't know if it is just stress knowing it's that time of the year again.

[PaulW]

Radiation does take its time. I noticed you had Gamma Knife 8 months ago..
Hang in there things do get better.

[Dee-dee]

Yesterday I went to accept a prize that my brother, who lives in the midwest,  won for one of his paintings in New York.  As I wobbled up to the microphone I heard someone in the audience say "she is drunk".  I was mortified and all of the wonderful things I meant to say and how proud I am of my brother just flew out the window.  I am still sitting here upset over it. I cried all night, with only tinnitus to keep me company.

But knowing there are others out there, especially on this site, who understand, gives me strength.  Hang in there.

Dee-dee

[PamJ]

Hi Upstate I know exactly how you feel it was our 45th wedding anniversary 2 weeks ago and we went away for a week, unfortunately the first morning there I feel getting out of the bath and cracked my ribs, I ended up in tears and wanted to go home.  I was so embarassed when I had to tell the owners that as I fell I pulled the towel rail out of the wall.

[MDemisay]

Dear Upstate and Others,

I thought it was just me! Boy I realize from you guys that falling and being embarrassed about falling are just part and parcel of having an AN! I must have the most experience falling though after a while you learn to control the way you turn and get more handholds involved so you don't hurt yourself as you go down! Falling is never pleasant and it happens mostly at night to me but I take precaution and travel around with a flashlight. You see I have a special circumstance...I cannot afford to break my right arm any more because the last time I did it they stuck a titanium plate in it, so if I fall on it again it will come through my skin! And yes at the very beginning of my falling carreer in 1995 I fell out of the shower and broke 4 ribs of course there were no handholds, bars or shower mat in the shower! Be careful with yourselves! You must learn to adapt carry less support more use a cane wobble less!

[pmcollings]

Hi !

I fell at the grocery store parking lot after I returned the cart to it's little home. I too was sooooo embarrassed !!! 
 I did this BEFORE my surgery.  I think we will have our good days and our so called 'bad' days.  You did great to go to the grocery store.  That in itself is a huge step.  I'm 4 weeks post op and it wears me out. 
I also think it is ok to cry and get it out.  You have been through a lot.  You are doing really good.  It will just take some time. 

Big hug to you !!!

Cheers ,
Pam

[ewchisek]

Hi. I'm feeling the same way. however, I was just diagnosed, yesterday.. i can barely navigate this site. I do not even know where to get started.  my Dr played this diagnosis off like it was not a big deal and told me i would just live with the dizziness.  I am scared. I do not know who to contact or where to go.  I live in Michigan.  can anyone help?

[pmcollings]

Well it is a big deal.  You might want to get a second opinion.  I live in Texas so I can't help but I would start researching this site and look for specialists.  there might be support group up there too.  This forum has been very helpful to me.  It IS very scary.   I am 5 weeks post op and am feeling better but it really is a big deal.  You are not alone.  If you have any questions please feel free to ask me.  I would be more than happy to help any way I can. 

Pam

[chloes mema]

EW
My doctors did the same thing to me, played it off as nothing.  One doctor told me since AN's are normally slow growing, something would kill me before the AN ever became a problem.  Well, it wasn't slow growing, I had cyber knife six months after I was diagnosed, and, yes, life goes on.

It's a very scary time when you've first been diagnosed but the more you read about it, talk about it, & remember the better.

I'm not in MI so I can't help there but I suggest you read as much as you can on the ANA site, try to find a support group, look at as many of these different postings as you can (there are a tremendous number of well informed people that will share their knowledge with you), & see as many doctors as you can till you find the one you're comfortable with. 

We're hear to listen, support, help, chime in, & just be there for each other. 

Good luck.

Karen

[ewchisek]

thank you! i can honestly say this is surreal to me.  It is very hard to comprehend and the unknown is even more scary.