FrenchBD ~
Thanks for having the trust in our AN discussion forums to post your very sincere misgivings about not regaining a sense of normalcy after a year post-op, considering your otherwise excellent recovery and the resumption of significant job responsibilities.
As one of those AN patients that Kerry referenced (
post#2) as enjoying a terrific recovery, I can still relate to your angst. Although I did recover quickly, it was well over a year before I felt normal. 'Normal' being a relative term that we won't try to define, here.
I was recently retired from my career as a radio disc jockey/voice-over announcer when I received my AN diagnosis so job responsibilities were not an issue for me. However, when listening to the radio or hearing a TV voice-over for a commercial (
I was strictly local, not national) in the months following my AN surgery and radiation I would realize that I really couldn't do a four hour radio show every day anymore because it is quite intense and mentally demanding. Even voice-over work demands one be very focused and as always, time is money and commercial producers don't like too many re-takes. This was a bit disheartening because I wanted to believe that I was basically the same guy I was before the AN diagnosis, surgery and radiation but, alas, I realized that, although my recovery was fairly rapid and basically without complications, the very invasive surgery and follow-up radiation had taken it's toll on my body and that had somewhat eroded my self confidence.
I was able to deal with this understanding by (a) being eternally thankful for my good surgical outcome and, (b) I did not need to go back to work and prove that I was no longer near my former level of ability. As time went on, I found that my recovery, much to my surprise, continued. I felt stronger two years post-op than I did at one year. I also learned how to cope with somewhat diminished balance and being SSD (
which began before the surgery). Since then (
2008) I've been given a leadership role in my church and overall, remained quite active. I had resumed driving a fortnight after my surgery (
with my doctor's blessing) and I've probably driven about 10,000 miles per year since.
A lot of my recovery experience hinged on my state of mind. From the day after my surgery, with the head bandage still in place, I was determined to 'get back to normal'. Of course, one has to make some compromises and accept a few minor limitations but I refused to accept very many and when confronted with an obstacle (
balance) I met it head-on and eventually surmounted it to the best of my ability. My spouse was a huge help as she has overcome many spinal issues (
4 surgeries) and other painful maladies but remains active and engaged in life, refusing to allow pain or other obstacles to keep her from living a full life (
she will not use narcotic pain medications). Although she was very solicitous of my health during the initial stage of my recovery, when she saw that I wanted to be as independent as possible, she backed off and let me do whatever I thought I could do, without any fuss. It worked. In addition, being very involved with the AN forums also allowed me to realize that (a) I had a great surgical outcome and, (b) others dealt with much harder recoveries and pushed through with a determination that impressed me to no end, and still does.
In the final analysis, time is our friend as even with a good recovery and few (
if any) post-op issues, time does help our healing. It also allows us to put things in perspective and adjust, if we chose to do so, to whatever limitations we have to deal with, realizing that we're still the same person as we were before the surgery but that our definition of 'normal' may have changed a bit (
for us). Around here, we often refer to it as '
the new normal', an apt description. I trust that your recovery will continue and your ability to adapt to whatever limitations are necessary will become easier. Life is, as they say, short and I don't wish to waste it walking around with my head down, wishing things were different or that I was exactly the same as I was before my AN manifested itself and I had to undergo invasive surgery. I got through the surgery relatively unscathed, as it were, my recovery was excellent and I'm healthy and relatively vigorous for my age (
Gulp! 70 in February). I have lots to be thankful for - and I am. I hope that you'll be able to find both solace and direction from the responses to your post, including this one.
Jim
