Question

[geralyn]

Hello,  I was wondering if anyone has experienced or is going through this now.  My daughter had an 18 hour grueling surgery to remove a rather large tumor.  She was released home after 3 days because she was doing so well.  3 days later had to go back in because she had a leak,  and also meningitis.  She had to have a second surgery,  ( the fat graft did not work) and they needed to sew her up tighter.  Was released again after a few days and then had to go back in once again because her headaches were so bad and she started to get a fever.  They kept her 5 days this time.  She has been home  5 days and seems to be very tired and has had a few of those headaches that she had when she came down with meningitis.  The question I have as a caregiver and also her Mom is what I'm feeling now.  From the time we found out about the tumor,  I went into this mode of being so strong.  I had a few times that I cried out to God,  but I was so happy it wasn't cancerous plus I wanted to be so strong for her that I believe I sailed through with being there for her constantly,  taking care of my grandkids,  plus taking care of my husband and two daughters that live at home.  I really felt the Lord's Peace and knowing at least a hundred people were praying for her blessed me and helped me get through this crises.  Now I feel this horrible depression which makes me feel sad and lonely and I'm not sure why I'm even having it knowing that she has no cancer and hopefully  she has this all behind her and she will once be able to go on with her life somewhat normally.  It's as if I was living off addreline and it's no longer there.  As anyone experienced this,  and if yes will I return back to my old self and when will that happen.  Thanks

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[Anomar11]

Geralyn,
You've been through a lot!  As a mother, I empathize with you and will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts and prayers.  I think what you're feeling is the back side of being under such tremendous stress, more than you probably realize.  I know I have experienced such feelings after being through other major life stressors.  I don't think it's abnormal, and I believe things will normalize in time.  Take care.

[Chances3]

Hi Geralyn,


Let me first ask, how is your daughter doing?  Wow - she's been through a lot, and so have you.  I am a man of faith, I get up everyday and thank the good Lord for being here.  I definitely think you have peaked out physically and emotionally - you need to regroup.  I suggest the following, get some time with your spiritual leader, be it your Pastor, Priest or Rabbi.  Get an evening out with your husband, a dinner and a movie, great way to have some mental escape.  Once you have collected yourself, you will have the strength, both physical and emotional to give of yourself once again to your family - which you love so much.

I will being prayer for you.

God Bless.

[kmr1969]

Geralyn,

I was a patient, not a caregiver, but I read something on this website that held true for me and might be relevant to you.

I remembering reading someones post about "survivor's euphoria".  Basically, you are so happy the surgery is over and that you are still here that you think you feel better than you actually do.  This sometimes gets patients into trouble as they push too hard because they think they feel so good.

I would imagine as a parent, you could experience this same sense of euphoria once the surgery is over and your loved one is doing better.  You feel great, but then your mind and body may need to crash to recover from all of the stress and anxiety that you have experienced.

You daughter is lucky to have you helping her through what has been a very trying recovery.  Don't underestimate its toll on you, and try and find some time for yourself and your own recovery.

Regards,

Ken

[Jim Scott]

Hi, Geralyn ~

I'm sorry your daughter had to endure the AN surgery and subsequent procedures (and hospitalization).  I pray that she will have a successful recovery and these issues will eventually disappear.

Your feelings of depression are not uncommon in a situation like this.  I think you hit on the truth when you mentioned (in your post) that you had gotten though all of it partly fueled by adrenaline aided by your faith in God, collective prayers and your physical efforts to take care of everyone in your immediate family.  Now, the worst is over and all of that energy has dissipated.  As other posters have stated, it's a sort of 'deflation' and the lack of constant activity and necessary concern renders you feeling a bit empty as well as less necessary on a minute-to-minute basis.  I don't see this as depression in the clinical sense - but its close enough. 

I'm certainly not a psychiatrist but I would suggest that you should try to relax by doing things that give you pleasure and attempt to focus on whatever occupied your time before this AN situation arose with your daughter.  Perhaps you would consider doing volunteer work with your church or social club.  Anything to help others and by doing so, remove your focus from yourself and whatever you may feel you have lost.  You apparently were a big help to your child in her time of need and for that you should feel gratified.  Now its time to move on and find other ways to help those who you can assist in some way.  I trust that in time this feeling of melancholy will evaporate as you re-focus your life in other directions and take comfort in knowing that when you were needed, you were there for your daughter. 

Jim   

[jaylogs]

Hi there!! I read your post and I was just thinking that this is something that isn't talked about too much on this forum, as it is usually from the perspective of the AN patient themselves.  We do have a section on here for caregivers, but sadly it doesn't get a lot of use.  Everyone has posted some great suggestions...my only thought is to maybe find and attend a AN support group that is in your local area.  There's links on this website that can point you to one that may be in your area.  The meetings that I have gone to have a lot of family with the AN patient and usually after the meeting is a great time to network with others and maybe start getting that immediate feedback to is such a help to everyone.  So all I can say is good luck and let us know how it goes!  Take care!
Jay