unsupportive friend

[alibauer]

Raydean,

I appreciate your comments, and I agree with you 100%. Of course facial issues are not of paramount concern. If that's the impression I gave, then it was accidental, I assure you. The reason I didn't abridge my comments about facial function and appearance with sentence or two talking about how they weren't the most important thing, is because that so obviously goes without saying.

That being said, I have to add that I do value my external beauty as well. It is a part of me for which I'm grateful and I feel justified in trying to preserve. After all, I'm only 26 years old. Attempting to maintain a youthful, healthy, attractive appearance is perfectly natural and healthy. In fact, I'm sure it will bolster my attitude through this illness to do so.

Ali

[alibauer]

It is now 8 days after my diagnosis. No, she still hasn't called. I am angry with her, but it's starting to give way to severe disappointment. I feel so absolutely let down. The anger comes when I think of all the times that I sat for 2 hours at a time on the phone with her just listening to her crying about her financial troubles and her boyfriend that dumped her at the worst possible time. She would literally dump all her feelings in my lap night after night, but I didn't mind because that's what friends are for. This went on fairly regularly for weeks and months and caused me to neglect my husband on countless weekends. He complained and I told him that it was my responsibility because she was my friend. I got it backwards. I was her friend. Not sure anymore if she was ever mine.

I blocked her on AOL IM, which I have to be on while I'm at work because my office uses it as a kind of communication. She is on it at work for fun. Today was the second day that, as far as she could tell, I wasn't at work. Phone hasn't rang yet. I didn't do it as an experiment to see if she'd call - I am not that desperate and part of me doesn't even want to hear from her because she's not my favorite right now. I just didn't want to keep giving her that easy way to check in and see how I was doing, while she spends all of her phone time on the guy she's dating.

Did I mention that this is my oldest friend that I met when I was 11? I wonder what that says about me.