Hi, Ellen:
Don't apologize...we all have a 'long story'.
I'm sorry your AN came back but this can happen with both surgery and/or radiation. Neither treatment is 100% guaranteed, as you know. The good news is that once the tumor is removed, your symptoms should subside.
You seem to have settled on a surgical team so all I can add is that you be sure they have the kind of experience necessary in operating on previously-radiated acoustic neuroma tumors. I believe the surgeon's experience in removing AN tumors is key to a successful outcome. Don't be shy...ask the doctors about their specific experience with removing AN tumors and what their success rate is. 'Success' being defined as a post-operative patient who does not suffer facial nerve damage and related complications following surgery. This is your health and your future. Don't allow passivity or timidity to get in your way. The surgical team that operates on you will be paid their fees no matter what the outcome, whether its good or not-so-good. Obviously, you want a good outcome to this very delicate surgery that is fraught with the potential for complications if not handled correctly. That's why the doctor's experience in surgical AN removal should be extensive, not spotty. Don't settle for less than the best.
I had the blessing of a caring and vastly experienced neurosurgeon (and his hand-picked team) with literally thousands of AN removals on his resume. He suggested that I allow him to reduce the size of the tumor, then have the remainder radiated. I did this and, as my signature states: 'so far, so good'. My symptoms quickly disappeared following surgery. The 26 FSR treatments I had were tedious but painless and on my last MRI (December '06) the remaining tumor showed signs of necrosis (cell death). I feel great. While this approach may not be feasible for you, I trust you'll have an equally good outcome following your surgery.
Jim