how capable am i now?

[thecakes]

 Patti.Your story is so like mine in a way.  My tumor was rimoved in03 and I was 43 then.  My children are 15 and 17 and 22 and I am on disability.  I do get to be involved in my kids lives more and that is great.  I used to work full time in a factory and I know I would'nt be doing all these things and have the time to, if I'd be at the factory.  I volinteer at the hospital and also at a preschool too.  I stay busy, but I know the"empty nest" days are coming and it bothers me too.  I'd say to you , go teach, maybe sub.  There is something about work that gives you a sense of personal satisfaction.  Go for it.  I give up.  I except my ss but it took a while.  I am too slow for factory life now and thats all I ever did for 25 years.

[Salsera]

Hi,
I'm a newbie and had to leave teaching due to an AN with an 80% hearing loss in my right ear.  It was extremely difficult to hear students over background noise, and to determine the direction of sound ('cause there are always a few teens who try to test).    Forget about trying to hear the announcements!  Compounding the noise factor, I have ADHD, so it's difficult for me to focus for long periods of time and be organized.  The school had me in 5 different classrooms on two different floors.  Getting around during the change of classes was very difficult, due to the noise and issues with my balance.  My school materials were on a cart.  One day they took my elevator key from me, because they needed it for a kid on crutches!

I've applied for vocational services through my state agency and am also trying to get an entry-level position through the state.  My goal is to get some training so I can eventually earn close to the amount of money that was coming in before.  For now, I just want to have some money coming in and some decent insurance.  My current insurance does not pay for hearing aids and has a cap for counseling services.

It took me 5 months to get all of the doctors' forms together to submit to vocational services, and it's a waiting game.  They've had the paperwork for nearly a month.  I just don't feel very useful right now.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

[4cm in Pacific Northwest]

Salsara,

I know this is a response to a dated thread. (The date you posted I did not even know I had an AN tumor yet, not even a newbie, since then I am a post-op postie)

There is a new thread on “classroom noise� you might want to participate in.
http://anausa.org/forum/index.php?topic=5313.0
I am wondering if you are still teaching or if you made a vocational change since your last and only post

I also started a thread to which Cheza (a newbie from Britain) and I have had an interesting dialogue going about vocational retraining and health insurance.
http://anausa.org/forum/index.php?topic=5318.msg47897#msg47897
It amazes me in the USA - that teachers (and others who work with people) who have SSD do not get and disability compensation, or funded vocational rehabilitation programs to retrain into another field.

If you read the classroom noise thread you will understand Jeff’s (who posted “Château Deaf�) story of retraining from a band teacher to a librarian within the schools. And he lost all hearing in both ears. Have you looked at other areas in education that are outside the mainstream classroom: special ed, curriculum development, library, learning resources evaluation etc?

4 

[mema]

Patti,                                                                                                                                                                                       


When I read your post and all that you have done and accomplished I feel amazed.  Reading between the lines it seems to me you could be anticipating empty nest syndrome. I think most moms do.  Try and enjoy your quiet time with your hubby when that happens. Believe me we hounded our kids after they were married for 10 years for grandkids. Well we have 5  grandchildren  now, who are the joys of our life.  We   have babysat, got them  off to school , let them spend weekends with us, even go on their vacations with them because we are  built in babysitters,attended every school  function because Their moms and dads work.  They want us to take them trick or treating, we take them to church.   We love them dearly and have enjoyed every minute, but after  10 years of this we are getting a little  burned out, and need some less responsibily in their upbringing.  We bought a  RV, which seems crazy because I get vertigo when in a car.  But The trick I found out that works is If I'm looking down and reading and don't look at the moving road I'm OK.  So far we have gone only within our state.  Plenty of beautiful state campgrounds to see. And the people we have met are wonderful.  But of course we have already taken the grandkids a couple of times and only went out once by ourselves.  We have a trip in December planned for ourselves.  We decided to get away once a month. Another thing I started and a possability for you is making a scrapbook for each of my children and family members.  I was never creative in that way but I am amazed of how well I am doing.  It is something that is fun, time consuming, but very rewarding.  My son actually cried when I gave it to him.  I made my sister one for her 50th and I am now working on my other sons.  It is a way to keep my brain active.    Keep in mine we all go through down times and its not nice when its happening, so we all feel for you right now.  Try and keep your head up.  Life is worth it.                                                                                                                                                                               



                                                                       mema

[linny]

Patti I know how you feel at times I think I should be at my job but then I realize I wouldnt be able to continue at what is expected or exceptible to the post office. (I am a letter carrier walking route 9yrs ) and they dont want me there if I cant perform the duty I was hired to do.Oh I could do it if I didnt have to do it at there exspectations( _{I think)}  but now Im trying to get disability retirement. Not as much money  I at times get very depressed but we must carry on Im not advocating drugs but I take Zoloft and iit helps.  But there are worse off than us. God be with you Ill pray for you.

[Patti]

I thank all of you for caring.  I am doing much better since my original posting.  I know how capable I am.  I know my intelligence is there and many other important things.  Somehow I came to accept that.  In my determination to get back into the classroom, I made arrangements with a former colleague to sit in his classroom (same subject-7th grade science) for an undetermined amount of time.  I lasted half a day.  I was so bored of hearing the same old lesson that i had taught for 12 years.  But more importantly, I found the pace and the environment too much for me too handle.  It would undo all the progress I have made for a comfortably paced and sane life.  Shortly after that I ran into my old chiropractor (who was the first one to tell me to get an MRI).  She is now a science techer.  She said "Oh Patti, let me tell you as your physician, you cannot go back to teaching and you should not feel guilty about getting disability.  You get it so that you can maintain a healthy life.  Working full time would send ypou backwards."  I believe her because I trust her.  In 7 years no one has told me that (or i haven't listened).  My neurosurgeon told me "you don't want to go on disability".  Now I definitely do stuggle with the fear of an empty nest which i will have in 9 months (not that i am counting).  I have felt very useful not working full time because I have been a good mom and have 2 incredible daughters.  I am afraid of feeling not useful with a house that won't get dirty and no school lunches to pack and big dinners for the starving athlete.  I definitely am looking foward to alone time with my husband.  We have lots of weekend trips in mind already.  I want to have a bad behavior party.  I am the first of my friends to have an empty nest.  I am going to have a no children allowed party and everyone can drink too much, curse, talk dirty , smoke, and go skinnydipping.  Funny thing is we probobly don't want to do that anymore but i think it is a funny theme.  But after that-I would feel guilty that my husband has 10 more years until he retires.  Why do I get a life of leisure?  I work 12 hours a week as a paralegal in a lowkey office where i can make my own hours.  I do have an idea but I will write about it another day.  I have to go to my daughter's field hockey game which will determine if they play in the NYS championships.  Patti   

[4cm in Pacific Northwest]

Thanks for sharing Patti.

I have also have 2 girls, taught for over a decade and had a 4cm… and cook dinner for athletes who eat us out of house and home… go figure?

Reading that Windsong posted here, from her past, really makes me wonder (may she rest in peace- she wrote as such a dear soul…)

Your post has really hit home with me. I am not sure what I am going to do. I am currently just trying to return to safely driving the kids in the family van and hoping that the other half of my smile will one day return to my paralyzed face.

Reading that you have had some resolve, since your initial post here, is comforting. This AN journey is something else isn’t it…?

Although we are roughly the same age I think you are a little more ahead of me in the journey…

Thanks again.

Cheers,

4

[Patti]

dear 4 cm-yes we do have alot in common.  how old are your girls?  patti